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Jokes of the day for Saturday, 26 September 2020

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 26 September 2020

When do Japanese warriors yell

When do Japanese warriors yell ‘Bonsai!'? A: When they send in the infant tree.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 5.40/10

Rating: 5.4/10 (5)

Gym Equipment

I just saw some idiot at the gym...
He put a water bottle in the Pringles holder on the treadmill!

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

SLIDESHOW #61 - Funny Photo Slideshow

There's a student in medical

There's a student in medical school who wants to specialize in sexual disorders, so he makes arrangements to visit the sexual disorder clinic. The chief resident is showing him around, discussing cases and the facility, when the student sees as patient masturbating in his room.
"What condition does he have?" the student asks.
"He suffers from Seminal Buildup Disorder", the resident replies. "If he doesn't ejaculate 40-50 times a day, he'll become disoriented."
As the two continue their rounds, the student peeks into another room and sees a patient with his pants around ankles, receiving oral sex from a beautiful nurse.
"What about him?" the student asks. "What's his story?"
"Oh, it's the same condition," the doctor replies. "He just has a better health plan."
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 03 November 2018
  • Currently 7.37/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (19)

Visit to the museum

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, Madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 09 October 2017
  • Currently 7.97/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (29)

A man entered the bus with bot...

A man entered the bus with both of his front pockets full ofgolf balls and sat down next to a beautiful (you guessed it) blonde.
The puzzled blonde kept looking at him and hisbulging pockets.
Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "It'sgolf balls".
Nevertheless, the blonde continued to look at himthoughtfully and finally, not being able to contain her curiosity anylonger, asked, "Does it hurt as much as tennis elbow?"
#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 28 October 2016
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

Outer Space exists because it ...

Outer Space exists because it is afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 September 2011
  • Currently 3.37/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (54)

Dad Will Never Say


Top Ten Things You'll Never Hear a Dad Say
10. Well, how 'bout that?... I'm lost! Looks like we'll have to stop and ask for directions.
9. You know Pumpkin, now that you're thirteen, you'll be ready for unchaperoned car dates. Won't that be fun?
8. I noticed that all your friends have a certain "up yours" attitude ... I like that.
7. Here's a credit card and the keys to my new car -- GO CRAZY.
6. What do you mean you wanna play football? Figure skating not good enough for you, son?
5. Your Mother and I are going away for the weekend ... you might want to consider throwing a party.
4. Well, I don't know what's wrong with your car. Probably one of those doo-hickey thingies -- you know -- that makes it run or something. Just have it towed to a mechanic and pay whatever he asks.
3. No son of mine is going to live under this roof without an earring -- now quit your belly-aching, and let's go to the mall.
2. Whaddya wanna go and get a job for? I make plenty of money for you to spend.
1. Father's Day? aahh -- don't worry about that -- it's no big deal.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 26 September 2009
  • Currently 4.62/10

Rating: 4.6/10 (37)

Julian McCullough: List of Priorities

I dont have any curtains in my apartment. I tried to buy curtains; I went to the store, I was like, I would like these curtains, please. And they were like, $40. And I was like, Nope. Found out right then just how low on my list of priorities curtains were. It turns out Id rather get drunk once than ever have curtains for the rest of my life.
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 26 September 2011
  • Currently 4.74/10

Rating: 4.7/10 (35)

Mom, what's sex?

A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?"

His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject.

When she had finished, the little lad produced an enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 June 2017
  • Currently 8.40/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (20)

She gets into the cab, and not...

She gets into the cab, and notices that the VERY handsome cab driver won't stop staring at her.
She asks him why he is staring.
He replies: "I have a question to ask you but I don't want to offend you."
She answers, "My son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive."
"Well, I've always had a fantasy to have a nun kiss me."
She responds, "Well, let's see what we can do about that: #1, you have to be single and #2, you must be Catholic."
The cab driver is very excited and says, "Yes, I'm single and Catholic!"
"OK" the nun says. "Pull in to the next alley."
The nun fulfills his fantasy, with a kiss that would make a hooker blush.
But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying.
"My dear child," says the nun, "why are you crying?"
"Forgive me but I've sinned. I lied and I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish."
The nun says, "That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm going to a Halloween party."
#joke #halloween
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 02 November 2016
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Punishment for Missing Church

A country preacher decided to skip services one Sunday to spend the day hiking in the wilderness. Rounding a sharp bend in the trail, he collided with a bear and was sent tumbling down a steep grade. He landed on a rock and broke both legs.
With the ferocious bear charging at him from a distance, the preacher prayed, "O Lord, I'm so sorry for skipping services today. Please forgive me and grant me just one wish--make a Christian out of that bear that's coming at me!"
At that very instant, the bear skidded to a halt, fell to his knees, clasped his paws together, and began to pray aloud at the preacher's feet: "Dear God, please bless this food I am about to receive."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 08 August 2009
  • Currently 6.08/10

Rating: 6.1/10 (52)

New Hearing Aids

An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He finally went to a doctor, and was fitted with excellent new hearing aids.
He returned a month later for a checkup, and the doctor said, “Your hearing is perfect! Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again.”

The gentleman replied, “Oh, I haven't told my family just yet. I still sit around quietly; but, now I listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times already.

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 April 2014
  • Currently 6.82/10

Rating: 6.8/10 (11)

Hunting With A Wife

A hunter visited another hunter and was given a tour of his home. Ibn the den was a stuffed lion. The visiting hunter asked, "when did you bag him?"
The host said, "that was three years ago, when I went hunting with my wife."
"What's he stuffed with," asked the visiting hunter.
"My wife."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 15 October 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

50/50

A young man watched as an elderly couple sat down to lunch at McDonald's. He noticed that they had ordered just one meal, and an extra drink cup. As he watched, the old gentleman carefully divided the hamburger in half, then counted out the fries, one for him, one for her, etc, until each had exactly half.

Then the old man poured half of the soft drink into the extra cup and set that in front of his wife. The old man then began to eat, but his wife just sat watching him.

The young man felt sorry for them and asked "I'm sorry to intrude, but would you allow me to purchase another meal for your wife so that you don't have to split your food?"

The old gentleman said, "Oh, no, thank you. But you see, we've been married a long time, and everything has always been shared, 50/50."

The young man said, "Wow! That's commendable." He then turned to the wife and asked, "Aren't you going to eat your share?"

The wife replied "Not yet. It's his turn to use the teeth."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 28 June 2016
  • Currently 8.15/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (27)

Stand outside

I'm gonna go stand outside,

so if anybody asks you can just say i'am outstanding.

Photo by Jay Sadoff on Unsplash

#joke #short #dadjoke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 02 July 2019
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (25)

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