Jokes of the day for Friday, 23 April 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 23 April 2021 |
A man was walking down the str
A man was walking down the streets of Washington DC one night. All of a sudden a mugger sticks a gun in his ribs and says. "Give me all your money!"He replied, "Do you realize I am an important member of congress?"
The robber said, "In that case give me all my money!"
What does that one do?
A man entered a pet shop, wanting to buy a parrot. The shop owner pointed out three identical parrots on a perch and said, "The parrot to the left costs 500 dollars."
"Why does that parrot cost so much?" the man wondered.
The owner replied, "Well, it knows how to use a computer."
The man asked about the next parrot on the perch.
"That one costs 1,000 dollars because it can do everything the other parrot can do, plus it knows how to use the UNIX operating system." Naturally, the startled customer asked about the third parrot.
"That one costs 2,000 dollars."
"And what does that one do?" the man asked.
The owner replied, "To be honest, I've never seen him do a thing, but the other two call him boss!"
The only cow in a small Kentuc
The only cow in a small Kentucky town stopped giving milk. The people didsome research and found that they could buy a cow just across the stateline in Illinois for $200.They brought the cow from Illinois and the cow was wonderful. It producedlots of milk all of the time, and the people were very happy.
They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow to produce more cowslike it. They would never have to worry about their milk supply again.
They bought the bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.However, whenever the bull tried to mount the cow, the cow would moveaway. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away fromthe bull and he could not succeed in his quest. The people were very upsetand decided to ask the Vet, who was very wise, what to do.
They told the Vet what was happening. "Whenever the bull tries to mountour cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she movesforward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An attemptfrom the side, she walks away to the other side."
The Vet thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you by chance, buythis cow in Illinois?"
The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned where theybought the cow. "You are truly a wise Vet," they said. "How did you knowwe got the cow in Illinois?"
The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye, "My wife is fromIllinois."
Mommy Mommy 03
Mommy, Mommy! Why do I have to hop everywhere?
Shut up or I'll chop off the other leg!
Mommy, Mommy! Grandma's got a bruise.
Shut up and eat around it!
Mommy, Mommy! What happened to all your scabs?
Shut up and eat your cornflakes!
Mommy, Mommy! What's in those CARE packages they send to Africa?
Shut up and get back in the box!
Mommy, Mommy! The teacher says I look like a monkey!
Shut up and comb your face!
Miracle whip
Q: What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate?A: Miracle Whip.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Subway Party
Two small-town merchants were visiting New York City for the first time to attend a conference. There was a large party thrown, with lots of food and drink. At the end of the party, they both staggered outside.
One guy crossed the street, while the other stumbled into a subway entrance.
When the 1st guy reached the other side of the street, he noticed the other emerging from the subway stairs.
"Where ya been?"
he slurred.
"I don't know," gushed the other guy, "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement!"
Bob was in trouble. He forgot...
Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday.
Sermon made him pay income tax
After hearing a sermon about lies and deceit, a man wrote the IRS: "I have been unable to sleep, knowing that I have cheated on my income tax. I have reviewed my taxable income and have enclosed a check for $900. If I still can't sleep, I will send the rest."
After making love, the woman s...
After making love, the woman said the man, "So, you're a doctor?" "That's right," replied the doctor smugly. "Betcha don't know what kind of doctor."
"Ummm...I'd say that you're an anesthesiologist."
"Yep, that's right! Good guess! How did you know?" asked the guy.
"Because throughout the entire procedure, I didn't feel a thing.
Two babies lies in the birth section
Baby 1: I'm a boy. Baby 2: prove it.
Baby 1: Not in front of the nurse.
Baby 2: Okay The nurse leaves
Baby 2: Prove it.
Baby 1: Look, blue socks...
21 Bastille Day jokes
Bastille Day is the national day of France, which is celebrated on 14 July each year. Have fun with some revolutionary jokes!
What is the most important part of jokes about the French Revolution?
The execution.
Do you know that the French Revolution was kind of a pain in the neck?
But once it was over it was a weight off of some people’s shoulders.
What did the Aristocrat say when he heard the French Revolution happening in the streets?
"Oh! What a peasant surprise!"
Did you hear the one about Bastille Day?
It’s a riot.
Why is the French Revolution just like Prohibition?
They both got rid of Bourbon!
Why did King Louis despise the peasants?
He found them revolting.
What’s your funniest pickup line for Bastille Day?
"Hey girl, are you the French Revolution?
Because I keep imagining you sans-culottes!"
Have you ever seen the play about the French Revolution?
The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.
Do you know that anyone can use our Bastille Day jokes?
It’s royalty free.
How do Americans celebrate Bastille Day?
By storming their wine cellar.
A kid was talking to his dad about Bastille Day. He said, "Isn’t that the day when everyone robs all the fish from the water?
" "Bass-steal day".
What do they call Independence Day in France?
A Royale-free with cheese!
Why is the rooster France’s national emblem?
It’s the only bird that still sings when it’s standing on a shit pile.
Have you heard about Bastille Day?
Its the last time the French showed any balls.
Why do French bakers always bake extra bread on Bastille Day?
Because they know everyone’s going to "storm" their bakery!/p>
What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French Revolution?
They put their head into it.
Why don’t they play cards in France on Bastille Day?
Because everyone’s afraid of the "revolutionary" hand!
During the French Revolution, what was the executioner’s catchphrase?
"First come, first severed!"
Why are fireworks set off on Bastille Day?
It’s the only way to make a louder bang than the one made when they stormed the Bastille!
What is the difference between Bastille Day and the 4th Of July?
Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and Americans don’t care about it!
A French nobleman’s estate was destroyed during the French Revolution.
The results were château-strophic.
