Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 28 September 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 28 September 2021 |
How do Jewish tourists relax i
How do Jewish tourists relax in Moscow? With a Russia sauna."Rebbe, in my apartment beside
"Rebbe, in my apartment besides me and my wife, there are also my children and my mother-in-law and I don't have enough room! What should I do?"Rebbe: "Bring a goat in the house. Let him live with you."
The guy: "But Rebbe, there is no place for me!"
Rebbe: "Bring a goat in the house, I tell you!"
In a month the guy comes again... "Rebbe, it became much worse, there is no place. With the goat in the apartment there is no place to move."
Rebbe: "Now get rid of the goat!"
On the next day, guy comes to Rebbe full with happiness: "Thank you, thank you Rebbe. It is so good now, so much space!"
Daddy’s Hair
Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. “Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?” he asked his mother.
“He thinks a lot,” replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband’s baldness.
Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and asked, “So why do you have so much hair?”
Wishful thinking
A wife went to the police station with her next-door neighbor to report that her husband was missing. The policeman asked for a description.
She said, "He's 35 years old, 6 foot 4, has dark eyes, dark wavy hair, an athletic build, weighs 185 pounds, is soft-spoken, and is good to the children."
The next-door neighbor protested, "Your husband is 5 foot 4, chubby, bald, has a big mouth, and is mean to your children."
The wife replied, "Yes, but who wants HIM back?"
One wish
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
Douche
Have you heard about the new types of douche on the market?There is aloe vera scented, peach flavor, and chicken flavor.
The aloe vera is to tighten it up for the penis.
The peach is sweeter for the eater.
And the chicken is finger lickin' good.
Submitted by Curtis
Editted by Tantilazing
Reniewed by Calamjo
Chuck Norris' first job was as...
Chuck Norris' first job was as a paperboy. There were no survivors.Jordan Rubin: New Cell Phone
You ever get a new cell phone and youre too lazy to transfer all the numbers over, so you just stop being friends with a bunch of people? Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a...
Bill, Jim, and Scott were at a convention together and were sharing a large suite on the top of a 75-story skyscraper. After a long day of meetings they were shocked to hear that the elevators in their hotel were broken and they would have to climb 75 flights of stairs to get to their room. Bill said to Jim and Scott, let's break the monotony of this unpleasant task by concentrating on something interesting. I'll tell jokes for 25 flights, and Jim can sing songs for 25 flights, and Scott can tell sad stories the rest of the way. At the 26th floor Bill stopped telling jokes and Jim began to sing. At the 51st floor Jim stopped singing and Scott began to tell sad stories. "I will tell my saddest story first," he said. "I left the room key in the car!" A special celebration...
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days."
Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?"
"Yup, we sure are," Roy replied.
"Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked.
The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "For our 25th anniversary, I took the misses to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again to pick her up."
A very drunk gent checked into...
A very drunk gent checked into a hotel late one Saturday night. He awoke very ill and summoned a bellboy to fetch him a bottle of whiskey and a Sunday newspaper. The bellhop was gone a long time. When he returned, the drunk remarked, "It must be hard to buy a bottle in this town on Sunday."
"There was no trouble with the whiskey," replied the bellboy, "but it's tough finding a Sunday paper on Tuesday."
A professor of chemistry wante...
A professor of chemistry wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he produced an experiment that involved a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms. "Now, class, closely observe the worms," said the professor while putting a worm into the water.
The worm in the water writhed about, happy as a worm in water could be. He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It curled up and writhed about painfully, then quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Johnny, who naturally sits in back, raised his hand and wisely, responded confidently, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms."
The golf challange...
The Pope met with his Cardinals to discuss a proposal from Benjamin Netanyahu, the leader of Israel. "Your Holiness", said one of his Cardinals, Mr. Netanyahu wants to challenge you to a game of golf to show the friendship and ecumenical spirit shared by the Jewish and Catholic faiths."
The Pope thought this was a good idea, but he had never held a golf club in his hand. "Don't we have a Cardinal to represent me?" he asked.
"None that plays very well," a Cardinal replied. "But," he added, "there is a man named Jack Nicklaus, an American golfer who is a devout Catholic. We can offer to make him a Cardinal, then ask him to play Mr. Netanyahu as your personal representative. In addition, to showing our spirit of cooperation, we'll also win the match."
Everyone agreed it was a good idea. The call was made. Of course, Nicklaus was honored and agreed to play. The day after the match, Nicklaus reported to the Vatican to inform the Pope of the result. "I have some good news and some bad news, your Holiness, " said the golfer.
"Tell me the good news first, Cardinal Nicklaus," said the Pope.
"Well, your Holiness, I don't like to brag, but even though I've played some pretty terrific rounds of golf in my life, this was the best I have ever played, by far. I must have been inspired from above. My drives were long and true, my irons were accurate and purposeful, and my putting was perfect. With all due respect, my play was truly miraculous.
"There's bad news?", the Pope asked.
"Yes," Nicklaus sighed. "I lost to Rabbi Tiger Woods by seven strokes."
