Jokes of the day for Saturday, 16 October 2021
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 16 October 2021 |
Prehistoric Producer
What did the female dinosaur call her blouse making business?
"Try Sara's Tops!"
The traveling evangelist ...
A traveling evangelist always put on a grand finale at his revival meetings, When he was to preach at a church, he would secretly hire a small boy to sit in the ceiling rafters with a dove in a cage. Toward the end of his sermon, the preacher would shout for the Holy Spirit to come down, and the boy in the rafters would dutifully release the dove.
At one revival meeting, however, nothing happened when the preacher called for the Holy Spirit to desend. He again raised his arms and exclaimed: "Come down, Holy Spirit!"
Still no sign of the dove.
The preacher then heard the anxious voice of a small boy call down from the rafters:
"Sir, a big black cat just ate the Holy Spirit. Shall I throw down the cat?"
A businessman was preparing to
A businessman was preparing to go on a long business trip, so he thought he'd buy his wife something to keep her occupied. He went to a sex shop and explained his situation.The man there said, "Well, I don't know that I have anything that will keep her occupied for so many weeks, except... the Magic Penis!"
The husband said, "The what?"
The man repeated, "The Magic Penis," and pulled out what seemed to be an ordinary dildo.
The husband laughed, and said, "It looks like a dildo!"
The man then pointed to the door and said, "Magic Penis, door!"
The penis rose out of its box, darted over to the door and started pounding away at the keyhole. The whole door shook wildly with vibrations, so much so, that a crack began to form down the middle...
Then the man said, "Magic Penis, return to box!" and the penis stopped and returned to the box.
The husband bought it and took it home to his wife. After the husband had been gone a few days, the wife remembered the Magic Penis. She undressed, opened the box and said, "Magic Penis, my crotch." The penis shot to her crotch.
It was absolutely incredible. After three mind shattering orgasms, she became very exhausted and decided she'd had enough... She tried to pull it out, but it was stuck. Her husband had neglected to tell her how to turn it off. So she put her clothes on, got in her car and started for the closest hospital.
On the way, another incredibly intense orgasm made her swerve all over the road. A police officer saw this and immediately pulled her over. He asked for her license, and then asked how much she'd had to drink.
Gasping and twitching, the woman said, "I haven't had anything to drink officer. You see, I've got this Magic Penis thing stuck in my crotch and it won't stop screwing me..."
The officer looked at her for a second, shook his head and replied, "Yeah right... Magic Penis, my ass...!"
Two Men Camping
Two young men were out in the woods on a camping trip, when the came upon this great trout brook. They stayed there all day, enjoying the fishing, which was super.
At the end of the day, knowing that they would be graduating from college soon, they vowed that they would meet, in twenty years, at the same place and renew the experience.
Twenty years later, they met and traveled to a spot near where they had been years before. They walked into the woods and before long came upon a brook. One of the men said to the other, "This is the place!".
The other replied, "No, it's not!".
The first man said, "Yes, I do recognize the clover growing on the bank on the other side.
To which the other man replied, "Silly, you can't tell a brook by it's clover."
Nun on the scale
A nun was going to Chicago. She went to the airport and sat down, waiting for her flight. She looked over in the corner and saw one of those weight machines that tells your fortune. So, she thought to herself, "I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me."
She went over to the machine and put her nickel in and out came a card that said, "You're a nun. You weigh 128 lbs., and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
She sat back down and thought about it. She told herself it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided to try it again. She put her nickel in, and out came a card that read, "You're a nun. You weigh 128 lbs. You're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you are going to play a fiddle."
The nun said to herself, "I know that's wrong. I have never played a musical instrument a day in my life." She sat back down. From out of nowhere, a cowboy came over and set his fiddle case down next to her. The nun picked up the fiddle and started playing beautiful music.
Startled, she look back at the machine and said, "This is incredible! I've got to try it again!
Back to the machine she went, put her nickel in, and another card came out. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you're going to break wind."
Now, the nun knew the machine was wrong. "I've never broken wind in public in my whole life!" Just then, she tripped, fell off the scales and broke wind.
Stunned, she sat back down and looked at the machine. She said to herself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to try it one more time."
She went back to the machine, put her nickel in and collected the card. It said, "You're a nun, you weigh 128 lbs., you have fiddled and farted around and missed your flight to Chicago!!!"
The Dentist
The dentist pulls out a Novocain needle to give the man a shot, so he can extract the man's tooth. 'No way! No needles. I hate needles' the patient said.The dentist starts to hook up the nitrous oxide and the man objects I can't do the gas thing. The thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating to me! The dentist then asks the patient if he has any objection to taking a pill. 'No objection,' the patient says. 'I'm fine with pills.'
The dentist then returns and says, Here's a Viagra tablet.'
The patient says, 'Wow! I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer!'
It doesn't' said the dentist, 'but it's going to give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth.
When Arnold says "I'll be back...
When Arnold says "I'll be back" in the Terminator movie it is implied that he's going to ask Chuck Norris for help.Mike Vecchione: Gun Is Like a Penis
Having a gun, lets face it guys, is a lot like having a penis, I think. You got to keep it concealed. And if you wave it in a womans face, chances are shell call the cops.The Lawyer at the Pearly Gates
Recently a teacher, a garbage collector, and a lawyer wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into heaven, they would each have to answer one question.St. Peter addressed the teacher and asked, “What was the name of the ship that crashed into the iceberg? They just made a movie about it.” The teacher answered quickly, “That would be the Titanic.” St. Peter let her through the gate.St. Peter turned to the garbage man and figuring heaven didn’t REALLY need all the odors this guy would bring with him, decided to make the question a little harder: “How many people died on the ship?” But the trash man had just seen the movie, too, and he answered, “about 1,500.”“That’s right! You may enter,” said Peter.Then St. Peter turned to the lawyer and said, “Name them.” Short Cowboy Jokes
Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas? A: A huddle.
Q: Four Dallas Cowboys in a car, who's driving?
A: The police.
Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.
The Dallas newspapers reported yesterday that Texas Stadium is going to take out the artificial turf because the cowboys play better on "grass."
The Dallas Cowboys adopted a new "Honor System", Yes your Honor, No your Honor.
The Cowboys had a 12 and 5 season this year, 12 arrests, 5 convictions.
The Cowboys knew they had to do something for their defense, so they hired a new defensive coordinator: Johnny Cochran
Q: How do the Dallas Cowboys spend their first week at spring training?
A: Studying their Miranda Rights.
A young Southern boy goes off...
A young Southern boy goes off to college, but about 1/3 of the waythrough the semester, he has foolishly squandered away all of the money hisparents gave him.Then he gets an idea. He calls his daddy. "Dad," he says, "you won'tbelieve the wonders that modern education are coming up with! Why,they actually have a program here at college that will teach our dog OleBlue how to talk!"
"That's absolutely amazing," his father says. "How do I get him inthat program?"
"Just send him down here with $1,000" the boy says. "I'll get himinto the course." So, his father sends the dog and the $1,000.
About 2/3 way through the semester, the money runs out. The boy callshis father again. "So how's Ole Blue doing, son," his father asks.
"Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believethis they've had such good results with this program that they'veimplemented a new one to teach the animals how to READ!"
"READ," says his father, "No kidding! What do I have to do to get himin that program? "
Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." His father sends themoney.
The boy now has a problem. At the end of the year, his father willfind out that the dog can neither talk, nor read. So he shoots the dog.
When he gets home at the end of the semester, his father is allexcited. "Where's Ole Blue? I just can't wait to see him talk and readsomething!"
"Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, justbefore we left to drive home, Ole Blue was in the living room kicking backin the recliner, reading the morning paper, like he usually does. Then heturned to me and asked, ' So, is your daddy still messin' around with thatlittle redhead who lives on Oak Street ?'
The father says, "I hope you SHOT that son of a bitch before he talksto your Mother!"
"I sure did, Dad!"
"That's my boy!"
Which Way?
Geography teacher asked if I could name a country with no 'R' in it.
I said, "No way!"
Garbage day
A Father is asked by his friend, "Has your son decided what he wants to be when he grows up?"
"Yes, he wants to be a garbage collector," he replies.
To this his friend responds "Strange ambition to have for a career."
"Well, he thinks that garbage collectors only work on Tuesdays!"
