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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 05 January 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 05 January 2022

In his college days, Einstein

In his college days, Einstein had a psychedelic dream about hobbits being struck by lightning. He awoke and proclaimed to the world this discovery – of the Frodo-electric effect.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.30/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (10)

Designated Drunk

One night at a local bar frequented by a bunch of deer hunters who were waiting for the opening day of deer season, the local sheriff scoped out the joint for possible drunk drivers.
As he waited, eventually a patron stumbled out of the bar, fumbled for his keys, tried them in three different cars until he finally found his, got inside and rested his head on the steering wheel. The deputy knew he had his drunk driver, so now all he had to do was wait for him to start his engine and pull out of the lot.
A few hours passed by and most of the other deer hunters had left by then, when the patron abruptly lifted his head, cranked the car up and drove out of the lot like a bat out of hell. The deputy followed him and stopped him promptly. He administered the breath-o-lizer test and it read 0.00.

Drunk Driver Gets Busted

Confused, the deputy asked the driver what the hell was going on. The driver looked at him innocently and said, "Well, tonight I'm the designated decoy."

#joke #policeman #animal #deer #bat
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

A Ladder Story

This is my step ladder...
I never knew my real ladder.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 7.33/10

Rating: 7.3/10 (12)

Two young boys walked into a p

Two young boys walked into a pharmacy one day, picked out a box of tampons and proceeded to the checkout counter.
The man at the counter asked the older boy, "Son, how old are you?"
"Eight," the boy replied.
The man continued, "Do you know what these are used for?"
The boy replied, "Not exactly, but they aren't for me. They're for him. He's my brother. He's four. We saw on TV that if you use these you would be able to swim and ride a bike. Right now, he can't do either one."
#joke
Joke | Source: Smilezilla - Daily Jokes and Funny Stories
  • Currently 7.72/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (18)

Missing fingers....

Jon's working at the lumberyard, pushing a tree through the buzz saw, and accidentally shears off all ten of his fingers. He goes to the emergency room.

The doctor says, "Yuck! Well, give me the fingers, and I'll see what I can do."

Jon says, "I haven't got the fingers."

The doctor says, "What do you mean, you haven't got the fingers? It's 1998. We've got microsurgery and all kinds of incredible techniques. I could have put them back on and made you like new. Why didn't you bring the fingers?"

Jon says, "Well, heck, Doc, I couldn't pick 'em up."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 January 2016
  • Currently 5.47/10

Rating: 5.5/10 (17)

A magician was working on a cr...

A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience would be different each week, so the magician allowed himself to do the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows every week and began to understand what the magician does in every trick.
Once he understood that, he started shouting in the middle of the show: Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he is hiding the flowers under the table! Hey, why are all the cards the Ace of Spades?
The magician was furious but couldn't do anything, it was the captain's parrot after all. One day the ship had an accident and sunk. The magician found himself on a piece of wood, in the middle of the ocean, with the parrot of course. They stared at each other with hate, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day, and another, and another.
After a week the parrot finally said: OK. I give up. What'd you do with the boat ?
#joke #animal #parrot
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (74)

A Prayer Upon Waking

Dear God, so far today, I've done all right. I haven't gossiped, and I haven't lost my temper.
I haven't been grumpy, nasty or selfish, and I'm really glad of that!
But in a few minutes, God, I'm going to get out of bed, and from then on, I'm probably going to need a lot of help.
Thank you! Amen.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 05 January 2010
  • Currently 7.19/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (47)

A mother and her young inquisi...

A mother and her young inquisitive son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago.

The son (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If dogs have baby dogs and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The mother (who couldn't think of an answer), told her son to ask the flight attendant.

So the boy dutifully asked the flight attendant, "If dogs have baby dogs, and cats have baby cats, why don't planes have baby planes?"

The flight attendant responded, "Did your mother tell you to ask me that?"

The little boy admitted that she did.

"Well, then, tell your mother that there are no baby planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Now, let your mother explain that to you."
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 05 January 2011
  • Currently 7.53/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (43)

Superman wears Chuck Norris pa...

Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
  • Currently 3.65/10

Rating: 3.7/10 (43)

window seat

A blonde is going to London on a plane; how can you steal his window seat?

Tell him all seats going to London are in the middle row.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 05 January 2012
  • Currently 6.03/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (31)

How Do You Like Your Steak

Waiter: How do you like your steak, sir?
Sir: Like winning an argument with my wife.
Waiter: Rare it is.

#joke #short #food #steak
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 08 March 2019
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Daniel Tosh: Millionaire Game Show

Id like a game show with millionaires on it, and they have to play with their own money, and they cant win money, they can only lose til one them goes complete broke, and the shows called Ha Ha, Now Youre Poor.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 March 2012
  • Currently 2.77/10

Rating: 2.8/10 (43)

Home is where your...

Home is where your WI-FI connects automatically.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 September 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

An Inscription Problem

According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper:
"Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
#joke #animal #bird #bear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 14 March 2017
  • Currently 7.54/10

Rating: 7.5/10 (13)

The new baby

A young mother finds out she is pregnant again, and she tells the good news to anyone who will listen. One day when the woman and the boy are out shopping, a friend of the mother asks the little boy if he was excited about the new baby.

"Oh, yes!" the little tyke says. And having overheard some of his parents' private conversations, he adds, "And I know what we are going to name it, too. If it's a girl we're going to call it Mary, and if it's another boy we're going to call it Quits."

#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 13 October 2015
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

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