Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 15 March 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 15 March 2022 |
Wife orders the husband to go
Wife orders the husband to go to mother-in-law to pick her up for her doctor's appointment.The husband drove to mother-in-law's house and saw her busy chattering
with the neighbor's young wife. He came and reminded her of doctor's appointment and ask her to be quick.
The mother-in-law would not give up blabbering to the neighbor so after couple reminders the husband came held her from the arm and drag her to the car saying, "Sorry mom you can't miss your health appointment, I had to do it."
The mother-in-law defended, "You know that woman, she simply would not stop listening to me."
Questions about mouthwash?
Questions about mouthwash? Just Gargle it.Three little ducks
Three little ducks go into a bar.
"Hello, what's your name?" the bartender asks the first duck.
"Huey," he replies.
"How's your day been, Huey?" the bartender asks.
"Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" smiles Huey.
"That's nice," says the bartender, turning to the second duck. "Hi, and what's your name?"
"Dewey," comes the answer from duck number two.
"So how's your day been, Dewey?" asks the bartender.
"Great. I've had a ball, too. Been in and out of puddles all day, as well. What more could a duck want?"
The barman turns to the third duck and says: "So, you must be Louie?"
"No," she says, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles."
Moral of the story
O n elephant and a mouse are walking together through the jungle when the elephant falls into a very large hole. The hole is so large that try as he might, the elephant is unable to climb out.So the mouse says, "Hang around, I'll get something to drag you out with" and leaves. A little while later the mouse returns driving a Porsche and with a rope tied to the bumper bar and he drags the elephant out of the hole.
The two friends continue their stroll through the jungle when all of a sudden, the mouse falls into a hole. The elephant immediately stands over the hole and squatting over it, lowers his penis so the mouse can grab it and lift himself out of the hole.
The moral of this story is that "If your dick is long enough you dont need a Porsche."
Circle of flies....
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'
So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'
The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'
The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'
The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'
Juston McKinney: Stay Off My Wall
My wife is actually a little upset with me right now because I wont approve her as a friend on my Facebook. Im like, You got every wall in the house. Can I have one wall without you popping up on and ruining it? Stay off my wall. The Marriage of Miss Bad Breath and Mr. Smelly Feet
A young couple, madly in love, decided to get married. But as the wedding day neared, both grew increasingly nervous over secret problems they had never shared with anyone. Privately, the groom-to-be approached his minister.“I’m really concerned about this marriage,” the young man said.“Don’t you love her?” the pastor asked in surprise.“Of course,” the groom said. “But I have unbelievably smelly feet—and I’m afraid my fiancée won’t be able to stand them.”“Oh, is that all?” the pastor replied. “Look, all you need to do is wash your feet twice a day and wear socks all the time.”The groom thought it over and decided it just might work.Meanwhile, the nervous bride had privately approached the minister’s wife. “I’m so worried,” she sobbed. “I have really bad breath when I wake up each day!”“Oh, dear,” the pastor’s wife replied,” everyone has bad breath in the morning. Don’t worry about it.”“No, you don’t understand,” the bride implored. “My morning breath is so awful, my fiancé won’t even want to be near me!”“Well, I have an idea,” the pastor’s wife said soothingly. “Set your alarm just a few minutes before your husband wakes up. Run to the bathroom, brush your teeth, and gargle with mouthwash before he gets out of bed. The key is not to say anything until you’ve taken care of your breath.”The bride thought it over and decided it just might work.In time, a beautiful wedding was held and the bride and groom enjoyed the day without once worrying about their secret problems. For several months they managed to keep their issues to themselves. They one morning, the husband awoke before dawn to find that one of his socks had come off in the night. Frantic, he searched the bed, afraid of what might happen if he didn’t find his sock soon. His bride woke with a start, and, without thinking, blurted out, “What in the world are you doing?”“Oh, dear!” the young man wailed. “You swallowed my sock!”From "The Book of Church Jokes," published by Barbour Publishing, Inc., Uhrichsville, Ohio. Copyright 2009. Used by permission of Barbour Publishing, Inc.History jokes-Christopher Columbus
Christopher Columbus was the best deal maker in history. He left not knowing where he was going, and upon arriving, not knowing where he was. He returned not knowing where he had been, and did it all on borrowed money.
After many years of marriage, I think...
After many years of marriage, I think my wife still finds me sexy. Everytime I go past her in the house she says, "What an ass."
Jon Lajoie: Mysteries of the Universe
I have this thing that I do called Mysteries of the Universe, when I gaze up at the countless stars and infinite galaxies. I realize how small and insignificant my girlfriend is. So, I get drunk and cheat on her with my 18-year-old neighbor. A man and a woman had been mar...
A man and a woman had been married some time when the woman began to question her husband. "I know you've been with a lot of woman before. How many were there?" The husband replied, "Look, I don't want to upset you, there were many. Let's just leave it alone."
The wife continued to beg and plead.
Finally, the husband gave in. "Let's see." he said "There was one, two, three, four, five, six, you, eight, nine..."
Persevere!
A young pastor was sitting in a restaurant eating lunch. He opened a letter he’d just received that morning from his mom. As he opened it a twenty-dollar bill fell out. He thought to himself, Thanks, Mom, I sure needed that right now.As he finished his feel, he noticed a beggar outside on the sidewalk leaning against the light post. Thinking that the poor man could probably use the twenty dollars more than he, he crossed out the names on the envelope and wrote across the top in large letters, PERSEVERE!So as not to make a scene, he put the envelope under his arm and dropped it as he walked past the man. The man picked it up and read the message and smiled. The next day, as the pastor enjoyed his meal, the same man tapped him on the shoulder and handed him a big wad of bills. Surprised, the young pastor asked him what that was for. The man replied, “This is your half of the winnings. Persevere came in first in the fourth race at the track yesterday and paid thirty to one.”
