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Jokes of the day for Tuesday, 19 April 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Tuesday, 19 April 2022

Everyone Has It!

Everyone has photographic memory!
Difference is some do not have any film.

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 9.13/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (16)

The Irishman's Olives

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S'cuse me," said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done. "What was that all about?"

"Nothing," said the Irishman, "my wife just sent me out for a jar of olives."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 May 2016
  • Currently 6.31/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (16)

SLIDESHOW #19 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Jigsaw puzzle

A group of girls walks into a bar. One of the women tells the bartender to line up a row of drinks for all of them. The gals lift their glasses and toast: "Here's to 51 days!" and they proceed to down their drinks.

Once again, they tell the bartender to "line 'em up" and once again they toast 51 days and down their drinks.

The bartender says: "I don’t get it. Why in the world are you toasting 51 days?"

One of the girl explains: "We just finished a jigsaw puzzle. It had written on the box '2-4 years' but we finished it in only 51 days!"

#joke #walksintoabar
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 January 2015
  • Currently 8.60/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (10)

You can always tell an ogre by...

You can always tell an ogre by the loud shreking noise.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 24 February 2011
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (6)

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky...

Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.
#joke #short #chucknorris
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 2.00/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (51)

A trip to the dentist...

A woman phoned her dentist when she received a huge bill.

"I'm shocked!" she complained.

"This is three times what you normally charge."

"Yes, I know," said the dentist. "But you screamed so loudly, you scared away two other patients."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 6.35/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (46)

Bret Ernst: Blame America

Everybody likes to blame America for everything. What are we, only 233 years old? These other countries are thousands of years old. Not only did they not get it right, but a lot of times they screw up and ask us for help. Thats like a 90-year-old man asking a two-year-old for advice.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 19 April 2010
  • Currently 5.15/10

Rating: 5.2/10 (39)

Biblical Puns

Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into Samson’s house?
A: She picked his locks.
Q: Why didn’t Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.
Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn’t want to split hairs.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 19 April 2009
  • Currently 3.35/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (37)

A Very Minor Sin

A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 19 April 2011
  • Currently 4.25/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (36)

There are three kinds of men...

There are three kinds of men: The ones that learn by reading. The few who learn by observation.
The rest of them have to pee on the electric fence for themselves.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 18 October 2015
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Just because i appear to believe

Just because i appear to believe your bullshit, It doesn't mean i'm as stupid as you think. I'm just laughing inside waiting to see what else you come up with.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 25 April 2016
  • Currently 3.44/10

Rating: 3.4/10 (9)

So Fat

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a red dress, the kids in the neighborhood yell, "Hey, Kool-Aid!"

Yo mamma's so fat, when she sat on a rainbow, skittles popped out.

Yo mamma's so fat, even God couldn't lift her spirits!

Yo mamma's so fat, she has her own zip code!

Yo mamma's so fat, it takes a train and two buses to get on her good side.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped in the road and I tried to swerve around her, I ran out of gas!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked in front of the TV, I missed five minutes of the show!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a room, someone said, "Woah! Was that a solar eclipse or did Free Willie just walk in?

Yo mamma's so fat, when she walked into a hotel and asked for a water bed, they put a blanket over the ocean!

Yo mamma's so fat, she rents shade!

Yo mamma's so fat, she invented the lowrider!

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over K-Mart, stumbled over Wal-Mart and landed on Target!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she puts on high heels in the morning, by the afternoon they're flats.

Yo mamma's so fat, her picture weighs ten pounds.

Yo mamma's so fat, she tripped over a rock and fell asleep trying to get up!

Yo mamma's so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said, "to be continued."

Yo mamma's so fat, when she wears a yellow coat, people run after her yelling "taxi!"

Yo mamma's so fat, she's on both sides of the family.

Yo mamma's so fat, when she got lost (amazingly) they had to use all 4 sides of the milk carton.

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 September 2008
  • Currently 5.57/10

Rating: 5.6/10 (7)

My wife's a liar

"That wife of mine is a liar," said the angry husband to a sympathetic pal seated next to him in the bar.

"How do you know?" the friend asked.

"She didn't come home last night, and when I asked her where she'd been, she said she'd spent the night with her sister, Shirley."

"So?" the friend replied.

"So, she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister Shirley!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 20 January 2015
  • Currently 8.33/10

Rating: 8.3/10 (3)

> it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks

You know, it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks:

- Daddy, is this organic?

- Organic?

I grew up on Angel Delight! We didn't have anything in the house if it wasn't neon!

Dylan Moran (November 3 1971)

Picture: @LatitudeFest

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 07 February 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The Password Is

I was in a couple’s home trying to fix their Internet connection. The husband called out to his wife in the other room for the computer password. “Start with a capital S, then 123,” she shouted back.
We tried S123 several times, but it didn’t work. So we called the wife in. As she input the password, she muttered, “I really don’t know what’s so difficult about typing Start123.”

 

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 12 September 2017
  • Currently 8.56/10

Rating: 8.6/10 (16)

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