Jokes of the day for Thursday, 12 May 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 12 May 2022 |
Infernal Revenue Service
The IRS is out of control...
Now that I'm older, they've even taxed my memory!
Two bachelors...
Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking.
"I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it."
"Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second.
"You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'"
Full payment
Two women are walking down the street when a mugger approaches them and demands their money.
They both grudgingly pull out their wallets and begin taking out their cash.
Just then, the woman turns to the other and hands her a bill.
"Here’s that $20 I owe you," she says.
The Great Wall of China was or...
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.Her husband had been slipping ...
Her husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months yet she stayed by his bedside every single day. When he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer. As she sat by him, he said, "You know what? You have been with me all through the bad times. When I got fired, you were there to support me. When my business fell, you were there. When I got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side. Well, now that I think about it, I think you bring me bad luck!21st Century Newspaper
I was visiting my daughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper.
'This is the 21st century,' she said. 'We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad.'.
I can tell you this... That fly never knew what hit him!
Admit That You Did That
An old Indian lined up all of his 10 little Indian sons and stood in front of them.
He then asked, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Nobody answered him.
He then asked again, "Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
Again nobody answered.
The old Indian said, "I tell story of Georgie and Georgie father. Georgie chop down cherry tree. Georgie tell truth, Big Georgie no punish." So the Indian asked again,
"Who push port-a-potty over cliff?"
To which the littlest Indian replied, "I push port-a-potty over cliff."
The old Indian then shakes and spanks him, for his punishment. When he is done, the little Indian asks, "Georgie tell truth, Georgie no get punish. I tell truth, I get punished. Why you punish, father?"
The old Indian replied, "Big Georgie not in cherry tree when it got chopped down!!!"
Overboard
The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat.
The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, “Can you float alone?”
“Obviously,” the banker replied, “but this is a heck of a time to talk business.”
Andy Kindler: Celebrating Suffering
Jewish people, we dont believe in Hell or a future place to suffer. Were suffering right now. Every one of our holidays celebrates how much weve suffered. Passover -- were celebrating 5,000 years ago, God passed over our houses and murdered all the Egyptians. Were celebrating, Hey, thank God we didnt get slaughtered. 
An African lumberjack
An African lumberjack is interviewing for a job at a major logging company. The foreman decides to take a practical route and hands the lumberjack an axe.
"Take a couple swings at that tree over there." The foreman said.
The lumberjack walks over to the tree and fells it in a single chop.
"Holy smokes, you've got quite the arm! You're absolutely hired, but I need to know what you can do. Try your hand at this tree over here." The foreman points out a much larger tree.
One, two swings and the tree crashes to the ground.
"That's incredible!" Cried the foreman. "Wherever did you learn to chop like that?!"
"In the Sahara Forest." Replied the lumberjack.
"Don't you mean the Sahara Desert?" Asked the foreman.
"That's why I'm here."
10 Fresh Jokes for a Midweek Laugh
I was once served French pancakes in a haunted house…
They gave me the crepes!
Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice."
Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo."
I got fired from Pepsi after working there for 20 years.
I tested positive for coke.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a man with a toe on his knee?
Tony.
It's ironic how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals.
And blamed it on cost of living.
Save money when buying a coffin…
Buy a pen from Amazon and use the box it came in!
I wonder what Jeff Bezos does before he goes to bed.
Probably puts his pyjamazon.
I paid $500 for a belt.
It was a huge waist.
My girlfriend has always said that I'm not a romantic.
So I surprised her and proposed to her in a castle.
You would think she would have been happy
but for the look on her face as we were bouncing around........
Donald Glover: Serious Black Candidate
When he was coming up, people were like, We have a serious black candidate for president. This is crazy. We have a serious black candidate. And then when he won, they were like, Our first multi-racial president. And I was like, Thats not fair. I mean, lets set the record straight. If you went outside tonight after this show and Barack Obama was stealing your car, you wouldnt yell, Hey, someone stop that mixed guy! 
