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Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 June 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 June 2022

People who look at their butt

People who look at their butt in the mirror and see a wild boar may be suffering from an eye condition known as asspigmatism.
#joke #short
Joke | Source: Pun Gents - Daily Jokes, One-liners, Groaners, Puns of the day :: Puns on Demand :: Punshine Girls and Boys!
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Twin Sisters

The twin girls walk into a store. After selecting a few items they go to the cashier.
The cashier looks at them and says, "Are you two girls sisters?"
The twins both laugh and then one says, "Sisters? We aren't even religious."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.77/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (13)

A visit with Grandpa...

A man goes to visit his 85-year-old grandpa in the hospital.

"How are you grandpa?" he asks.

"Feeling fine," says the old man.

"What's the food like?"

"Terrific, wonderful menus."

"And the nursing?"

"Just couldn't be better. These young nurses really take care of you."

"What about sleeping? Do you sleep okay?"

"No problem at all --- nine hours solid every night. At 10 o'clock they bring me a cup of hot chocolate and a Viagra tablet, and that's it. I go out like a light."

The grandson is puzzled and a little alarmed by this, so he rushes off to question the Nurse in charge. "What are you people doing?" he asks. "I'm told you're giving an 85-year-old Viagra on a daily basis. Surely that can't be true?"

"Oh, yes," replies the nurse. "Every night at 10 o'clock we give him a cup of chocolate and a Viagra tablet. It works wonderfully well. The chocolate makes him sleep, and the Viagra stops him from rolling out of bed."

#joke #food #chocolate
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 10 July 2019
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Miraculous Golf Shot

Two men are standing on a golf course. The first one steps up, tees his first ball, and positions himself for a swing. The man lifts his club, swings smoothly down and smacks the ball into the air. It sails off in a nice, long arc, but as it comes down the two men can see that it's heading straight for the water trap.

Just then, a wind picks up, and a lily pad is blown directly into the ball's path. The ball lands on the lily pad, and after a few seconds a frog hops up onto the pad, grabs the ball in its mouth, jumps off the pad and swims for shore.

When the frog reaches dry land, it spits out the ball, and no sooner has it disappeared into the water than a squirrel comes running up to the ball, grabs it in its paws, and scampers off across the grass. But before it can reach the trees, a hawk swoops down out of nowhere, grabs the squirrel in its talons, and begins to climb back up into the sky. Panicked and struggling to get free, the squirrel releases the ball from its paws, and with the altitude and speed gained from the hawk, the ball sails down in a long, clean fall straight into the hole. Hole in one.

The second man turns to the first, and says "OK, God. Are you going to play golf or are you going to fuck around?"

#joke #animal #frog #sport #golf
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 22 March 2015
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (8)

Sinking boat

There's a boat sinking out at sea with men, women and children on it, along with a minister, a rabbi, and a priest.

The minister said, "Oh my god, will somebody think of the children."

The rabbi said, "fuck the children."

The priest said, "Do we have time?"

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 June 2010
  • Currently 3.30/10

Rating: 3.3/10 (83)

Nagasaki never had a bomb drop...

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 1.99/10

Rating: 2.0/10 (70)

Cake

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by up to 90%.

It's called wedding cake.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

#joke #short #food #cake #wedding
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 5.11/10

Rating: 5.1/10 (57)

Jim Gaffigan: Easier for Attractive People

Life is a little easier for attractive people. Think about it: if a stranger smiles at you and theyre attractive, you think, Oh, theyre nice, but if a strangers ugly, youre like, What do they want? Get away from me, weirdo.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 June 2011
  • Currently 4.11/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (44)

Jon Reep: Southern Accents

People think youre an idiot. I dont know where they get that idea. But when they hear my accent for the first time, I can tell theyre looking at me and theyre just waiting for me to say something like, What are shoes for?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 27 June 2010
  • Currently 4.37/10

Rating: 4.4/10 (41)

I fall too fast...

I fall too fast, crash too hard, forgive too easy, and care too much.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 27 February 2016
  • Currently 5.33/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (3)

Loose Fitting Clothing

I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing...
If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn't have signed up in the first place!

#joke #short #sport #exercise
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 23 July 2020
  • Currently 8.72/10

Rating: 8.7/10 (18)

Snakes don't drink...

“Snakes don't drink coffee because it makes them viperactive.”

#joke #short #animal #snake #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 19 March 2015
  • Currently 7.67/10

Rating: 7.7/10 (6)

Barbershop

A young boy enters a barbershop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"

The boy takes the quarters and leaves.

"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"

Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"

The boy licked his cone and replied, "Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 03 September 2013
  • Currently 6.33/10

Rating: 6.3/10 (15)

Banging

My bloody rude neighbour came over banging on the door at 2.00am last night.
.........Luckily I was still up playing my drums!!
Hat Tip > Roland

#joke #short
Joke | Source: Jokes of the Day - Originally taken from site that work no more - Get Frank - NZ's Online Men's Lifestyle Magazine for Fashion, Health, Lifestyle, Recreation Articles & Reviews, Funny jokes and photos updated daily
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (16)

Little Johnny watched, fascina...

Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother was putting cold cream on her face.

"Why are you rubbing that cream on you face, mommy?" he asked.

"To stay pretty for daddy," said his mother.

A few minutes later, she began removing the cream with a tissue.

"What's the matter mommy?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
#joke #mother
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 27 September 2010
  • Currently 8.22/10

Rating: 8.2/10 (9)

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