Jokes of the day for Friday, 18 November 2022
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 18 November 2022 |
Some South Americans visited I
Some South Americans visited Italy, and the country's beauty made them cry. I think they were Venice wailin'.The Forgetful Actor
An actor had been out of work for years because he always forgot his lines. One day he got a phone call from a director who wanted him for an important part in a play. All the actor had to say was, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar!"
Opening night arrived, and while he waited in the wings, the actor muttered to himself, “Hark! I hear the cannon roar! Hark! I hear the cannon roar!" The time for the entrance finally came. As the actor made his appearance onstage, he heard a loud BOOOOM! He turned around and said, “What the heck was that?”
Chinese Jews
Sid and Al were sitting in a Chinese restaurant."Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in China?""I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?"When the waiter came by, Al said, "Are there any Chinese Jews?""I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied and he went into the kitchen.He quickly returned and said, "No, sir. No Chinese Jews.""Are you sure?" Al asked."I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen.While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in China. Our people are scattered everywhere."When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Chinese Jews.""Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Chinese Jews.""Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange jews, prune jews, tomato jews and grape jews, but no one ever hear of Chinese jews!"I believe...
![I believe...](/jokes-archive/2016/12/06/I-believe-.jpg.400.jpg)
A Scottish atheist was spending a quiet day fishing in the lake when suddenly his boat was attacked by the Loch Ness monster. In one easy flip, the beast tossed him and his boat at least a hundred feet into the air. It then opened its mouth waiting below to swallow them both.
As the Scotsman sailed head over heels and started to fall towards the open jaws of the ferocious beast, he cried out, "Oh, my God! Help me!"
Suddenly, the scene froze in place and as the atheist hung in midair, a booming voice came out of the clouds and said, "I thought you didn't believe in Me!"
"God, come on, give me a break!" the man pleaded, "Just seconds ago I didn't believe in the Loch Ness monster either!"
Seal at the mechanic
![Seal at the mechanic](/jokes-archive/2015/09/07/Seal-at-the-mechanic.jpg.400.jpg)
A penguin takes his car to the shop to have it fixed. While he's waiting, he goes into a cool ice cream shop and eats ice cream. Having flippers instead hands, he gets the ice cream all over himself. He's goes back to the auto shop and asks the mechanic what was wrong with his car.
"Well," says the mechanic, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin replies, "It's just ice cream, I swear!!"
Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michae...
![Two Irishmen, Patrick & Michae...](/jokes-archive/2009/11/18/Two-Irishmen-2C-Patrick-26-Michae-.jpg.400.jpg)
Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories
![Donald Glover: Crazy Men Stories](/jokes-archive/2011/11/18/Donald-Glover-3A-Crazy-Men-Stories.jpg.400.jpg)
The End Is Near!
![The End Is Near!](/jokes-archive/2009/11/18/The-End-Is-Near-21.gif.400.jpg)
A local priest and a pastor were fishing on the side of the road. They thoughtfully made a sign saying, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" and showed it to each passing car. One driver who drove by didn't appreciate the sign and shouted at them, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!"
All of a sudden they heard a big splash, looked at each other, and the priest said to the pastor, "You think maybe we should have just said 'Bridge Out' instead?"
First Thing to do after Jail
![First Thing to do after Jail](/jokes-archive/2011/11/18/First-Thing-to-do-after-Jail.jpg.400.jpg)
The only thing he said was, "F.F."
His wife turned to him and answered, "E.F."
Out on the highway, he said, "F.F."
She responded simply, "E.F."
He repeated, "F.F."
She again replied, "E.F."
"Mom! Dad!" their son yelled. "What's going on?"
Bad Bernie answered, "Your mother wants to eat first!"
Donald Glover: Gold Star Power
![Donald Glover: Gold Star Power](/jokes-archive/2010/11/18/Donald-Glover-3A-Gold-Star-Power.jpg.400.jpg)
One summer, the company that M...
![One summer, the company that M...](/jokes-archive/2016/08/06/One-summer-2C-the-company-that-M-.jpg.400.jpg)
All the tests came out fine, but the doctor remarked that Morris had the smallest penis he'd ever seen.
"Do you have any difficulties with it being so small?" the doctor asked.
"Not at all," Morris said. "I've got a wife, three kids, and we have a great sex life. But I must admit I do sometimes have a problem finding it in the daytime."
"What about at night?" the doctor asked.
"Nights are no problem," Morris said, "because at night, there are two of us looking for it!"
Absentee Slips
![Absentee Slips](/jokes-archive/2019/01/08/Absentee-Slips.jpg.400.jpg)
In the HR department in the large corporation where I work, I receive absentee slips for all the employees.
Over the years I’ve heard every excuse, but the other day I found one in my voicemail that I never heard before.
“I won’t be in today,” said my absent coworker. “I’ll call back later with an excuse.”
The Blessing – You may have lived this one
![The Blessing – You may have lived this one](/jokes-archive/2017/02/24/The-Blessing-E2-80-93-You-may-have-lived-this-one.jpg.400.jpg)
Joan invited some people to dinner. At the table, she turned to her six-year-old daughter and said, 'Would you like to say the blessing?'
'I wouldn't know what to say,' the girl replied.
'Just say what you hear Mommy say,' Joan answered.
The girl thought for a minute, then bowed her head and said, 'Lord, why on earth did I invite all these people to dinner?'