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Jokes of the day for Thursday, 08 December 2022

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 08 December 2022

Ruler to Bed

Mom: "Little Johnny, why are you taking your ruler to bed with you?"
Little Johnny: "To see how long I sleep..."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 14 December 2019
  • Currently 6.15/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (13)

Snow Days

A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 17 October 2018
  • Currently 8.14/10

Rating: 8.1/10 (22)

SLIDESHOW #30 - Funny Photo Slideshow

Kittens

A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.

"How did you know?" his mother asked.

"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it was printed on the bottom."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 25 December 2016
  • Currently 8.45/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (38)

200 Bucks

A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell.
The wife answers the door.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No come in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"    

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 06 October 2015
  • Currently 9.29/10

Rating: 9.3/10 (7)

Slavery is owner us Slavery is owner us.
#joke #short

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 25 April 2015
  • Currently 1.57/10

Rating: 1.6/10 (7)

A married couple were asleep w...

A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up.

The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."

#joke #blonde
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 08 December 2009
  • Currently 6.04/10

Rating: 6.0/10 (75)

Furniture

There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door.

"I'll get the door." says the first ovary.

She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"

"No, why?" askes the other ovary.

"Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Glaci

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 December 2011
  • Currently 3.85/10

Rating: 3.9/10 (55)

English School

Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky).

“And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.

“Mother,” he replied, “they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”

“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?”

“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 08 December 2011
  • Currently 5.68/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (47)

Email of the species

The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 08 December 2008
  • Currently 3.47/10

Rating: 3.5/10 (32)

A couple had not been married

A couple had not been married for long, when the husband came home one day to find that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.
Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered, "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?"
"I am just here to get something to eat."
#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 08 December 2019
  • Currently 6.20/10

Rating: 6.2/10 (25)

Nude Running

A woman was having an affair while her husband was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets. "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems!"
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
He started running along beside the others about 300 of them.
Being naked, with his clothes tucked under his arm, he tried to "blend in" as best he could.
It wasn't that effective!
After a little while, a small group of runners, who had been studying him with some curiosity, jogged closer.
"Do you always run in the nude?" one asked.
"Oh yes" he replied, gasping in air. "It feels so wonderfully free having the air blow over all your skin while you're running."
Another runner moved alongside. "Do you always run carrying your clothes under your arm?"
"Oh, yes" our friend answered breathlessly. "That way I can get dressed right at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!"
Then a third runner cast his eyes a little lower and queried. "Do you always wear a condom when you run?"
"Only if it's raining."

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 29 August 2021
  • Currently 8.00/10

Rating: 8.0/10 (7)

Kyle Kinane: This Is America

This is America. It is my God given right to be loudly opinionated about something I am completely ignorant of.
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 21 March 2011
  • Currently 5.72/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (39)

Family Avengers

What do you call it when your mother's sisters all gather at a funeral to avenge your death?
Vigil Aunties

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 8.44/10

Rating: 8.4/10 (9)

When I was married, my wife us...

When I was married, my wife used to call me handsome. As a matter of fact, we are now divorced but she STILL calls me handsome.

Every time I have some money, she says, HANDSOME OVER.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 01 September 2008
  • Currently 7.45/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (49)

Senior Guessing

Eighty-year-old Bessie bursts into the recreation room of the retirement home.
She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces, “Anyone who can guess what’s in my hand, can take me out to dinner tonight!”
A witty, elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, “An elephant?”
Bessie thinks a minute and replies, “Close enough!”

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 17 November 2017
  • Currently 7.07/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (14)

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