Jokes of the day for Thursday, 08 December 2022
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Thursday, 08 December 2022 |
Snow Days
A heavy snowstorm closed the schools in one town. When the children returned to school a few days later, one grade school teacher asked her students whether they had used the time away from school constructively. "I sure did, teacher," one little girl replied. "I just prayed for more snow."Kittens
A three-year-old went with his dad to see a litter of kittens. On returning home, he breathlessly informed his mother there were two boy kittens and two girl kittens.
"How did you know?" his mother asked.
"Daddy picked them up and looked underneath," he replied. "I think it was printed on the bottom."
200 Bucks
A guy goes over to his friends house, rings the bell.
The wife answers the door.
"Hi, is Tony home?"
"No, he went to the store."
"Well, you mind if I wait?"
"No come in."
They sit down and the friend says, "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I could just see one."
Sara thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks her and throws a 100 bucks on the table.
They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another 100 bucks if I could just see the both of them together."
Sara thinks about this and says what the hell opens her robe and gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her and throws another 100 bucks on the table then says he can't wait any longer for Tony and leaves.
A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your weird friend Chris came over."
Tony thinks about this for a second and says, "Well, did he drop off the 200 bucks he owes me?"
Slavery is owner us
Slavery is owner us. #joke #short
A married couple were asleep w...
A married couple were asleep when the phone rang at 2 in the morning, thewife (undoubtedly blonde), picked up the phone, listened a moment andsaid, "How should I know, that's 200 miles from here?" and hung up. The husband said, "Who was that?" The wife said, "I don't know, someyoung woman wanting to know 'if the coast is clear."
Furniture
There were these two ovaries and they were cleaning their house when they heard a knock at the door."I'll get the door." says the first ovary.
She looks out the peep hole and says, "Did you order furniture?"
"No, why?" askes the other ovary.
"Because there are two nuts at the door trying to shove in an organ!"
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
English School
Donald MacDonald from Scotland went to study at an English university and was living in the hall of residence with all the other students there. After he had been there a month, his mother came to visit him (no doubt carrying reinforcements of tatties, salt herring, oatmeal and whisky). “And how do you find the English students, Donald?” she asked.
“Mother,” he replied, “they're such terrible, noisy people. The one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all night.”
“Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful noisy English neighbors?”
“Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here quietly, playing my bagpipes.”
Email of the species
The email of the species is more deadly than the mail.A couple had not been married
A couple had not been married for long, when the husband came home one day to find that his bride had disappeared. He got very worried and gathered up all his friends to search for his wife with no success.Two days after his wife disappeared the man returned home to find her in the kitchen. He asked her what she had been up to and why she hadn't been home for so long.
She replied, "These four men kidnapped me and had wild sex with me for a week."
The husband answered, "But it's only been two days what do you mean a week?"
"I am just here to get something to eat."
Passport
An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that she was getting on in years, she thought she would really like to do so before she died.
Until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So she began by going in person to the Passport Office and asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please. "The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was the first question.
The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"
Redneck Wants To Fight
There were some backwoods hillbillies living across the river from each other, who feuded constantly. John hated Clarence with a passion and never passed up a chance to throw rocks across the river at Clarence. This went on for years until one day the Corps of Engineers came to build a bridge across that river. John was elated; he told his wife that finally he was going to get the chance to cross over and whip Clarence.He left the house and returned in a matter of minutes. His wife asked what was wrong, didn't he intend to go over the bridge and whip Clarence? He replied that he never had really seen Clarence up close and didn't realize his size until he started over the bridge and saw the sign: "CLEARANCE 8 FT 3 IN"
After 3 years, the wife starts
After 3 years, the wife starts to think that their child looks different, so she decides to do a DNA test. She finds out that the child is actually from completely different parents. Wife: Honey, I have something very serious to tell you.
Husband: What’s up?
Wife: According to DNA test results, this is not our child.
Husband: Well don’t you remember? When we were leaving the hospital, we noticed that our baby had a wet diaper and you said, “Honey, go change the baby, I’ll wait for you here.”
A police officer came upon a t...
A police officer came upon a terrible wreck where the driver and passenger had been killed. As he looked upon the wreckage a little monkey came out of the brush and hopped around the crashed car.The officer looked down at the monkey and said, "I wish you could talk."
The monkey looked up at the officer and shook his head up and down.
"You can understand what I'm saying?" asked the officer.
Again, the monkey shook his head up and down.
"Well, did you see this?"
"Yes," motioned the monkey.
"What happened?"
The monkey pretended to have a can in his hand and turned it up by his mouth.
"They were drinking?" asked the officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey pinched his fingers together and held them to his mouth.
"They were smoking marijuana?"
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What else?" The monkey motioned "kissing."
"They were kissing, too?" asked the astounded officer.
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"Now wait, you're saying your owners were drinking, smoking and kissing before they wrecked."
The monkey shakes his head "Yes."
"What were you doing during all this?"
"Driving," motioned the monkey.
Donald Glover: We Get It
Its kind of redundant -- have a black dude wearing an Obama shirt. Everybodys like, Yeah, we know. You like Obama; we get it. Its just like, I would do the same thing. I realize that its kind of redundant. I dont go up to white people wearing Coldplay shirts. You like Coldplay? For how long? Forever? 
