Jokes of the day for Friday, 16 June 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 16 June 2023 |
When world was created
VP candidate Sarah claims to know that the world was created 6,000 years ago—but most Palin-ontologists would disagree.17 Dad jokes and puns for Father's day
Third Sunday of June is Father's Day. Check out Jokes for Father's Day to share with your father.
Cowboys hung lanterns from their saddles at night,
It's the first example of Saddle Light Navigation...
Prison may be just one word to you.
But to others, it’s a whole sentence
Why did the kids think a blanket was the perfect Father's Day gift?
They thought dad was the coolest.
What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.
How do dads like their steak on Father's Day?
On a plate.
Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
If they flew over the bay, they’d be bagels.
What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
It lost its filling.
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back?
A stick.
Did I tell you I ordered both a chicken and an egg from Amazon?
I'll let you know.
Did I tell you I dreamt about drowning in an ocean made out of orange soda last night?
Turns out it was just a Fanta sea.
You know why you should avoid the new Lego store when it opens tomorrow?
People will be lined up for blocks. I don't have a dad bod.
It's a father figure.
There's something about those trees I just don't trust.
They seem kind of shady.
My wife laughed when I said I could make a car out of macaroni.
You should've seen her face when I drove pasta!
I used to play piano by ear
but now I use my hands.
You did a grape job
raisin me, dad.
Dad, you're a real
fungi.
Flea for Your Life
A father was reading Bible stories to his young son. He read, “The man named Lot was warned to take his life and flee out of the city, but his wife looked back and was turned to salt.”His son asked, “But what happened to the flea?” Olive
A blonde was hunched over the bar, toothpick in hand, spearing futilely at the olive in her drink. A dozen times the olive eluded her. Finally, another patron, who had been watching intently from the next stool, became exasperated and grabbed the toothpick.
"Here, this is how you do it." he said, as he easily skewered the olive.
"Big Deal," muttered the blonde. "I already had him so tired out, he couldn't get away."
Please stand up
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
Langauge
Someone mistakenly leaves the cages open in the reptile house at the Bronx Zoo and there are snakes slithering all over the place. Frantically, the keeper tries everything, but he can't get them back in their cages. Finally he says, "Quick, call a lawyer!"
"A lawyer? Why??"
"We need someone who speaks their langauge!"
What a mess!
Have you heard about the elephant with diarrhea?It's all over town!
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by Curtis
Chuck Norris can delete the Re...
Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.Do Cats Go to Heaven?
A cat dies and goes to Heaven. God meets him at the gate and says, "You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you desire is yours, all you have to do is ask."
The cats says, "Well, I lived all my life with a poor family on a farm and had to sleep on hardwood floors."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, a fluffy pillow appears.
A few days later, 6 mice are killed in a tragic accident and they go to Heaven. God meets them at the gate with the same offer that He made the cat. The mice said, "All our lives we've had to run. Cats, dogs and even women with brooms have chased us. If we could only have a pair of roller skates, we wouldn't have to run anymore."
God says, "Say no more." And instantly, each mouse is fitted with a beautiful pair of tiny roller skates.
About a week later, God decides to check and see how the cat is doing. The cat is sound asleep on his new pillow. God gently wakes him and asks, "How are you doing? Are you happy here?"
The cat yawns and stretches and says, "Oh, I've never been happier in my life. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending over are the best!"
A Little Cannibalism Humor, Folks
Did you hear the one about the cannibal who passed his brother in the jungle the other day?
Two quick ones...
Did you hear about the psychic amnesiac? He knew in advance what he was going to forget.
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Did you hear about the new restaurant that just opened up on the moon? Great food, but no atmosphere.
Female Hormones
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
A wealthy merchant of 84 marri...
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please, tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2...
Teacher: Suppose, I give you 2 dogs. Then I again give you 2 dogs. How many will you have?Student: 5.
Teacher: How?
Student: I have a dog in my house now.