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Jokes of the day for Sunday, 18 June 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Sunday, 18 June 2023

18 Worst dad jokes for Fathers Day, according to Amazon employees

Amazon employees reveal on their best WORST dad jokes in an hilarious video series to mark Father's Day. Filmed in its UK fulfilment centres. Scotland is revealed to be the bad dad joke capital of Britain.

Interesting, one of these jokes is also voted one of 20 Best dad jokes of all time

Why are pirates called pirates?
Cos they arrrr.

What do you get if you sit under a cow?
A pat on the head.

Do you know why dads take an extra pair of socks to golf?
In case they get a hole in one.

My wife told me to stop singing Wonderwall to her …
I SAID MAYBE.

What did the janitor say when he walked into the cupboard?
Supplies.

I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon.
I'll let you know.

Have you heard about the chocolate record player?
It sounds pretty sweet.

Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.

My friend cut his finger while he was cooking.
He shouldn't have been using the sharp cheese. Sorry, that joke was a little too cheesy.

What has more lives than a cat?
A frog, they croak every night.

If April showers bring May flowers, what do May flowers bring?
Pilgrims.

A skeleton walks into a bar and says,
Hey, bartender. I'll have one beer and a mop.

A ham sandwich walks into a bar and the bartender says,
I'm sorry,
we don't serve food here.

Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
Because they're afraid one of them might crack up.

How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.

Why don't skeletons fight each other?
They just don't have the guts.

What does a cloud wear under his raincoat?
Thunderwear.

Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they turn around and make up stuff.

#joke #walksintoabar #animal #cat #frog #cow #chicken #food #sandwich #ham #cheese #egg #chocolate #drinks #beer #sport #golf
Joke | Source: John Chris - Funny jokes collected from all around
  • Currently 8.75/10

Rating: 8.8/10 (4)

20 Best dad jokes of all time

The funniest dad jokes ever told.

This 20 are voted as The best Dad jokes ever told but you can find also more Jokes for Father's Day to share with your father.

1. This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.

2. I'm reading a book about anti-gravity.
It's impossible to put down.

3. Dad, can you put my shoes on?
No, I don't think they'll fit me.

4. I used to hate facial hair…
but then it grew on me.

5. Can you put the cat out?
I didn't know it was on fire.

6. Wife said are you ever going stop singing Wonderwall.
I said maybe…

7. Ah, this takes me back when
putting the car into reverse.

8. I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know y.

9. What do you call a magician who lost their magic?
Ian.

10. How do I look?
With your eyes.

11. Dad, did you get a haircut?
No, I got them all cut!

12. I'm afraid for the calendar.
Its days are numbered.

13. Wanna hear a joke about a pizza?
Never mind, it’s too cheesy.

14. I used to be addicted to the hokey cokey,
but I turned myself around.

15. I am terrified of lifts.
I'm going to take steps to avoid them.

16. What did one wall say to the other?
I'll meet you at the corner.

17. I used to be addicted to soap,
but I'm clean now.

18. How do you make holy water?
You boil the hell out of it.

19. Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it's a soap opera.

20. Why do seagulls fly over the ocean?
Because if they flew over the bay, we'd call them bagels.

Joke | Source: Jokes of The Day - By Jokes of the day visitor
  • Currently 8.92/10

Rating: 8.9/10 (13)

My Brother, Taco

Alexander Graham Bell: “I invented the telephone!”
His brother, Taco: “I’m working on some pretty big stuff too.”

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 3.17/10

Rating: 3.2/10 (6)

Sunday School Money

A small boy stunned his parents after Sunday School when he began to empty his pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters. Finally his mother asked the obvious question, "Where did you get all that money?" "At church," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have bowls of it."
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 January 2023
  • Currently 7.09/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (11)

Bitten by a snake

My mother’s sister was bitten by a snake. I will carefully suck the poison. That’s the antidote.
#joke #short #animal #snake
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 30 August 2020
  • Currently 1.50/10

Rating: 1.5/10 (8)

Which broker...

After reading the morning headlines about the recent stock market downturn, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!"

The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, Sir, stock or pawn?"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 12 July 2017
  • Currently 7.13/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (8)

Chuck Norris is the reason why...

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 June 2011
  • Currently 2.96/10

Rating: 3.0/10 (52)

A Birthday Wish

Little Sonia was shouting her prayers. "Please God send me a new doll for my birthday."
Her mother, overhearing this, said, "Don't shout dear, God isn't deaf."
"No, but Grandad is, and he's in the next room," Sonia replied.

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 18 June 2010
  • Currently 5.31/10

Rating: 5.3/10 (51)

I Want To Appeal A Case

Lawyer: "Judge, I wish to appeal my client’s case on the basis of newly discovered evidence."
Judge: "And what is the nature of the new evidence?"
Lawyer: "Judge, I discovered that my client still has $500 left."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 June 2011
  • Currently 5.82/10

Rating: 5.8/10 (44)

Failed driving test

Q: Why did the blonde fail her driving test?

A: Because she was not used to being in the front seat.

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Thursday, 18 June 2009
  • Currently 4.28/10

Rating: 4.3/10 (39)

A man called to testify at the

A man called to testify at the Internal Revenue Service (IRS), asked his accountant for advice on what to wear.
"Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let him think you are a pauper," the accountant replied.
Then he asked his lawyer the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your most elegant suit and tie."
Confused, the man went to his Priest, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of the dilemma."Let me tell you a story," replied the Priest.
"A woman, about to be married, asked her mother what to wear on her wedding night. 'Wear a heavy, long, flannel nightgown that goes right up to your neck.' But when she asked her best friend, she got conflicting advice. Wear your most sexy negligee, with a V neck right down to your navel."
The man protested: "What does all this have to do with my problem with the IRS?!"
"Simple", replied the Priest...
"It doesn't matter what you wear, you are going to get screwed!"
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 18 June 2016
  • Currently 8.97/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (31)

Send me your ...

The wife, being a romantic at heart, decided one day that she’d send her husband a text while she was out having coffee with a friend. She texted:

If you are sleeping, send me your dreams.
If you are laughing, send me your smile.
If you are eating, send me a bite.
If you are drinking, send me a sip.
If you are crying, send me your tears.
I love you.

The husband, being a no-nonsense sort of guy, texted back:

I’m on the toilet.
Please advise.

#joke #food #eating #drinks #coffee
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Friday, 19 June 2020
  • Currently 9.09/10

Rating: 9.1/10 (45)

A man went into a restaurant a...

A man went into a restaurant and asked for crab. When the waiter brought it, the man objected, "Just a minute, that crab only has one claw!"
"Yes, said the waiter, it was in a fight."
"Well," said the man, "Bring me the winner!"
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 05 September 2016
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A week after their marriage, t...

A week after their marriage, the Redneck newlyweds paid a visit to their doctor..." I can't figure it out doc, and I'm really worried," said the husband." My testicles are turning blue."
"That's pretty unusual," said the doctor. "Let me examine you."
The doctor takes a look. Sure enough, the Redneck's testicles are blue. The doctor turns to the wife. "Are you using the diaphragm that Iprescribed?"
"Yes, I am," she replied.
"And what kind of jelly are you using with it?"
"Grape"
#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 April 2015
  • Currently 6.44/10

Rating: 6.4/10 (9)

Greg Giraldo: High Self-Esteem

If everyone grows up with high self-esteem, whos gonna dance in our strip clubs?
#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 16 March 2011
  • Currently 4.76/10

Rating: 4.8/10 (42)

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