Jokes of the day for Saturday, 07 October 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 07 October 2023 |
World Cotton Day Jokes
On 7th October it's World Cotton Day! Let's have some cotton-themed humor:
I’m allergic to cotton
I would take medicine for it, but I can’t get it out of the bottle
I told my kids I was gonna take them to that place with the Ferris wheel and cotton candy, but instead I took them to the dentist
They said it wasn’t fair
My teacher in workshop laughed when I said I could make a deadly knife out of cotton...
...After I sharpened the tip, he backed down saying, "I see you've made your point."
"Why is that cotton candy talking?"
"Grandma, that's Nicki Minaj"
Scientists have created a cotton plant resistant to boll weevils.
When asked about it, they replied, "It's unbollweevible."
15 Funny Dog Jokes
Q: Why do dogs make terrible dance partners?
A: They’ve got 2 left feet!
Q: Why did the poor dog chase his own tail?
A: He was trying to make ends meet.
Q: What did the Dalmatian say after he ate his dog biscuits?
A: “Ahh, that really hit the spots.“
Q: What happened to the dog who went to the flea circus?
A: He stole the show!
Q: When a dog has a fever, what’s the best thing to feed him?
A: Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
Q: What do dogs do after they complete obedience school?
A: They get their masters.
Q: Why couldn’t the dog get the apple?
A: He was barking up the wrong tree!
Q: What did the dog say when he sat on sandpaper?
A: Ruff!
Did you hear about the dog who was fined for delivering puppies on the side of the road?
She was given a ticket for littering!
Q: How can you tell the difference between a dog and a tree?
A: By their bark!
A large number of dogs escaped the SPCA today. Police are looking for leads.
Beware of dog? A woman walks into a shop and sees a cute dog by the counter. She asks the shopkeeper, “Does your dog bite?” The shopkeeper says, “No, my dog does not bite.” The woman pets the dog, who barks and nips her. “Ouch!” she shouts. “I thought you said your dog doesn’t bite!” The shopkeeper replies, “I did! That’s not my dog!”
Q: Are dogs good at science?
A: Well, Labs are!
Q: Why do dogs float?
A: Because they’re good buoys!
Q: Why was the dog such a good storyteller?
A: He knew how to paws for dramatic effect!
Two Words
First grade teacher: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is 'gross' and the other is 'cool.'"
Rachel: "Yeah? So, what are the words?"
Degrees
The graduate with a science degree asks,'Why does it work?'
The graduate with an engineering degree asks,
'How does it work?'
The graduate with an accounting degree asks,
'How much will it cost?'
The graduate with a liberal arts degree asks,
'Do you want fries with that?'
Dirty Paddy
An Irish wife was having a shower and slipped over on the bathroom floor. Instead of slipping over forwards, she slipped over and did the splits and suctioned herself to the floor.She yelled out for her husband. 'Paddy! Paddy!' she yelled.
Paddy came running in. 'Paddy I've suctioned myself to the floor,' she said.
'Ohhh nooo! Paddy said and tried to pull her up. 'You're just too heavy, love. I'll go across the road and get Shamus.'
Paddy comes back with Shamus and they both tried to pull her up.
'Nope, I can't do it,' Shamus said, 'Let's try plan C.'
'Plan C?' exclaimed Paddy. 'What's that?'
'I'll go home and get my hammer and chisel and we will break the tiles under her.'
'Oh okay,' Paddy said. 'While you're doing that I'll stay here and play with her tits.'
'Play with her tits?' Shamus said. 'Why would you do that? This is hardly the time.'
Paddy replied, 'Well, I figure if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles aren't so expensive to replace.'
Carl was talking to a girl in
Carl was talking to a girl in a New York City bar. He asked, "Can I get you a drink?"The girl replied, "Certainly."
Carl then asked, "What would you like?"
The girl said, "Champagne."
Carl then asked, "Why Champagne?"
The girl replied, "Because when I drink champagne I imagine I am a goddess on the Nile, draped in a long robe, relaxing peacefully, with servants fanning me and dropping peeled grapes into my mouth."
Curious, Carl asked her, "What if I just buy you a draft beer?"
The girl replied, "I'll cut wet farts all night."
Have faith...
A climber fell off a cliff, and as he tumbled down, he caught hold of a small branch wedged in the rock.
"HELP! IS THERE ANYBODY UP THERE?" he shouted.
A majestic voice boomed through the gorge:
"I will help you, my son, but first you must have faith in me."
"Yes, yes, I trust you!" cried the man.
"Let go of the branch," boomed the voice.
There was a long pause, and the man shouted up again, "IS THERE ANYONE ELSE UP THERE I COULD TALK TO?"
Why did the blonde t
Q: Why did the blonde try and steal a police car? A: She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.Then and Now concerns for people of the baby boom generation
Then: Long hair.Now: Longing for hair.
Then: Keg
Now: EKG.
Then: Acid rock
Now: Acid reflux.
Then: Moving to California because it's cool.
Now: Moving to California because it's hot.
Then: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your parents.
Now: Watching John Glenn's historic flight with your kids.
Then: Trying to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Now: Trying not to look like Marlon Brando or Elizabeth Taylor.
Then: Our president's struggle with Fidel.
Now: Our president's struggle with fidelity.
Then: The Grateful Dead.
Now: Dr. Kevorkian.
Then: Getting out to a new, hip joint.
Now: Getting a new hip joint.
Water in the carburetor
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburetor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburetor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburetor is. I'll check it out. Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
Longitude and latitude
The teacher of the Earth Science class was lecturing on map reading.
He spent the class explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees, and minutes. Towards the end of class, the teacher asked his students, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes east longitude..."
A student's voice broke the confused silence, and volunteered, "I guess you'd be eating alone, sir."
Lawyer One Liners #2
** How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb? How many can you afford?
** How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to climb the ladder, one to shake it, and one to sue the ladder company.
** If a lawyer and an IRS agent were both drowning, and you could only save one of them, would you go to lunch or read the paper?
The barber's client looked de...
The barber's client looked depressed, so the barber told him, "Cheer up. I knew a guy who owed $5,000 he couldn't pay. He drove his vehicle to the edge of a cliff, where he sat for over an hour. A group of concerned citizens heard about his problem and passed a hat around. Relieved, the man pulled back from the cliff's edge.""Incredible," said the client. "Who were these kind people?"
"The passengers on the bus."
