Jokes of the day for Friday, 20 October 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 20 October 2023 |
A doctor lacking empathy - Friday fun, black humor joke
A woman has a serious accident and ends up in the hospital undergoing surgery. Her husband waits in the waiting room, distraught, when several hours later the surgeon exits the operating room and approaches him. '"Good news: the procedure was successful.But the road to recovery will be tough. She'll need intensive rehab for years, setting you back about $3,000 a month.' The husband starts to get worried. 'Then, she'll likely need more surgeries in the future. There might be follow-up surgeries, which insurance won't cover. That's another potential $105,000 to $200,000. The man starts to break into a cold sweat. 'And in reality, she'll need a high-quality wheelchair and a suitable vehicle for transporting the disabled, but with $35,000, you should manage.' The husband, deeply concerned about the money, looks desperate.The surgeon offers a comforting hand and says, 'Don't worry dude,I was just kidding.
She's dead!'
A Time Saver
I ordered new coats for my kids...
For convenience, I had them shipped directly to their school’s lost and found section.
Kissing a model...
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
Weeping Willows are a result o...
Weeping Willows are a result of Chuck Norris yelling at trees for not being tough enough.True or false?
A little kid's in school, taking a true-false test and he's flipping a coin. At the end of the test he's flipping the coin again. The teacher says, "What are you doing?" He says, "Checking my answers."
Ponderings Collection 34
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it, do the other trees make fun of it?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
Patton Oswalt: Obituary Fear
My other big obituary fear is, when I die, theyll have my picture, and they always have underneath it, in quotes, He loved to laugh. Oh, he loved to laugh. Well, that doesnt tell you anything. Everybody loves to laugh -- youre laughing! Thats like saying, He hungered for food.
A wealthy merchant of 84 marri...
A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25 year old fashion model. They had a wonderful honeymoon in Aruba but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized. When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardless of what happens to me. You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes. You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed. "You've been so good to me already. If you go, I'll be devastated. Oh, there must be something I can do to help you. Please, tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
April Fool's Day - Here are 5 pranks you can play on people
1. Add several odd appointments with alarms set to go off during the day to a co-worker’s Outlook calendar. 2. Hide all of the desktop icons on someone’s computer and replace the monitor’s wallpaper with a screen-shot of their desktop.
3. Put a “Please Use Other Door” sign on the entrance to your office building if it only has one entrance.
4. Put a balloon on the tailpipe of a someone’s car so it will pop when they start their car.
5. Glue the headset of someone’s phone down to the cradle.
How Old Are You?
A woman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch. "I couldn't help noticing how happy you look," she said. "What's your secret for a long happy life?"
"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day," he said. "I also drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods, and never exercise."
"That's amazing," the woman said. "How old are you?'
"Twenty-six," he said.
Tell The Whole Truth
Mr. Dewey was briefing his client, who was about to testify in his own defense."You must swear to tell the complete truth. Do you understand?"
The client replied that he did.
Then lawyer then asked, "Do you know what will happen if you don't tell the truth?"
The client looked back and said, "I imagine that our side will win."
International Bat Appreciation Day Joke
Today is International Bat Appreciation Day! Find a joke about it!
What is a bats favorite TV show?
Love at first bite.
What does a vampire use to bake cakes?
Batter.
What’s printed in the newspapers when a vampire dies?
An obatuary.
What did the bat do when he didn’t know the answer to the teacher‘s question?
He winged it.
How does a bat say hi to her mum?
With a sound wave.
Why do bats live in caves?
Because they rock.
What’s a vampire bat’s favorite fruit?
A neck-tarine.
How do bats do the register at school?
In alpha-bat-ical order.
What animals are best at cricket?
Bats.
What do little bats eat?
Alpha-bat soup.
#internationalbatappreciationday
Represent Christmas
Three men die in a car accident Christmas Eve. They all find themselves at the pearly gates waiting to enter Heaven. On entering they must present something relating or associated with Christmas.
The first man searches his pocket, and finds some Mistletoe, so he is allowed in.
The second man presents a cracker, so he is also allowed in.
The third man pulls out a pair of stockings.
Confused at this last gesture, St. Peter asks, "How do these represent Christmas?"
"They're Carol's."
