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Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 15 November 2023

Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 15 November 2023

Call It A Day

An Irishman had just walked into a bar when he tripped over and fell.
He got up and said, "Guess I can call it a day."

#joke #short
Joke | Source: A joke a day - Free Jokes of the Day Clean Funny Jokes via Email, Humor and Entertainment
  • Currently 4.14/10

Rating: 4.1/10 (7)

Keep the change

An elderly couple visits their grown-up grandson one night. While in the bathroom, Grandpa discovers a bottle of Viagra in his grandson's medicine cupboard.

"I don't think you should take one of those," says the grandson when his grandpa asks him about them: "They're pretty expensive."

"How much?" asks the old timer.

"$20 a pill," replies the grandson.

"I'd still like to try one," says the old man: "Before we go in the morning I'll leave the money under the pillow in the guest room."

The next day the grandson goes into the guest room, and lifts the pillow to find $120. Puzzled, he calls his grandpa. "Grandpa, I told you the pills were $20 each!" he says.

"I know," says the old man: "The extra $100 is from your grandma!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 11 January 2022
  • Currently 9.50/10

Rating: 9.5/10 (10)

We don't stop at Victoria....

A man traveling by train asks the ticket collector what time the train stops at Victoria.

"Sir, we don't stop at Victoria."

"But I have to get off there!"

"Well, there might be one thing I can do. I might be able to get the engineer to slow down the train a little. Then I can dangle you out the door and lower you onto the platform."

"Will that work?"

"It's worth a try."

As they approached the platform, the train is slowing from 50 MPH. The collector hangs the man in mid-air out the door. The man starts running in mid-air. "Run faster! Faster!" He lowers the man and the man's feet touch the platform. His shoes start to smoke! His heel comes off! He's running at 30 MPH. He's made it! He starts to slow down! The other passengers stare in amazement.

As the last car goes by, a hand grabs the man by the shirt collar and lifts the man right back into the train! As he's helped back on the train the gent who picked him up says, "Man you're lucky I was here to help! This train doesn't even STOP in Victoria!"

#joke
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 15 December 2014
  • Currently 7.44/10

Rating: 7.4/10 (9)

A guy goes to the supermarket...

A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him.
She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her. So he says, "Do you know me?"
To which she replies, "I think you're the father of one of my kids."
Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife, and he says, "Oh, are you the stripper from my bachelor party that I did on the pool table with all my buddies watching while your partner whipped me with wet celery?"
The woman looks sternly into his eyes and says very calmly, "No, I'm your son's teacher."
#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2015
  • Currently 8.97/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (101)

A burglar broke into a house o...

A burglar broke into a house one night. He shone his flashlight around looking for valuables, and when he picked up a CD player to place in his sack, a strange, disembodied voice echoed from the dark saying, "Jesus is watching you."
He nearly jumped out of his skin, clicked his flashlight off and froze. When he heard nothing more after a bit, he shook his head, promised himself a vacation after the next big score, then clicked the light back on and began searching more valuables. Just as he pulled the stereo out so he could disconnect the wires, clear as a bell he heard, "Jesus is watching you."
Totally rattled, he shone his light around frantically, looking for the source of the voice. Finally, in the corner of the room, his flashlight beam came to rest on a parrot. "Did you say that?" He hissed at the parrot.
"Yes," the parrot confessed, then squawked, "I'm just trying to warn you."
The burglar relaxed. "Warn me, huh? Who do you think you are any way?"
"Moses," replied the bird.
"Moses," the burglar laughed. "What kind of stupid people would name a parrot 'Moses'?"
The bird promptly answered: "The same kind of people that would name a Rottweiler 'Jesus'!"
#joke #animal #bird #parrot
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 6.85/10

Rating: 6.9/10 (67)

Nuns at the Hospital

A man suffered a serious heart attack and had bypass surgery. He awakened to find himself in the care of nuns at a Catholic hospital.

As he was recovering, a nun asked how he was going to pay the bill. He replied, in a raspy voice, "No health insurance."

The nun asked if he had money in the bank. He replied, "No money in the bank."

The nun asked, "Do you have a relative who could help you?"
He said, "Just a spinster sister, who is a nun."

The nun, slightly perturbed, said, "Nuns are not spinsters! Nuns are married to God."

The patient replied, "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."

#joke #doctor
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 4.88/10

Rating: 4.9/10 (43)

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he...

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 15 November 2011
  • Currently 2.63/10

Rating: 2.6/10 (46)

Angelic Assistance?

An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road, hurrying to get to church on time. Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.
Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor called out, "All you angels in heaven, help me get up on my horse!"
With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse's back and fell off the other side.
From the ground again, he called out, "All right, just half of you angels this time!"

#joke #animal #horse
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 15 November 2009
  • Currently 7.06/10

Rating: 7.1/10 (33)

I look

I look back on my life and i'm extremely impressed that i'm still alive!

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Saturday, 23 May 2015
  • Currently 5.00/10

Rating: 5.0/10 (1)

The Watch

Little Johnny sees that his friend at school has a new watch so he asks him how he got it.
"I waited until I heard the bedsprings squeaking in my folk's bedroom and then I ran in. My father gave me a watch to get rid of me.", replied the little friend.
Little Johnny, thinking that this was a cool idea waited that night until he heard the bedsprings squeaking rhythmically and then ran into his folk's bedroom.
"What do you want!", asked the father gruffly.
"I want a watch!", said Johnny.
"Well sit down and shut up!", replied the father.     

#joke #father
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 26 July 2015
  • Currently 9.00/10

Rating: 9.0/10 (14)

Daniel Tosh: Saw Myself Naked

Saw myself naked in front of a mirror a couple days ago -- thats not the joke, thats what we called the setup. I saw myself naked, and I said, Holy cow, Im The White Man. Ive heard a lot of bad things about you, cracka.
#joke #short #animal #cow
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Tuesday, 07 September 2010
  • Currently 2.24/10

Rating: 2.2/10 (55)

Sport for hungry people

What's the best sport to play if you are hungry?
Squash

#joke #short #food #hungry #sport #squash
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 19 April 2023
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

17 Yoga jokes for International Yoga Day

Jun the 21st is International Yoga Day! Celebrate it with few Yoga jokes!

1. I recently took up yoga, and the instructor asked me how flexible I am…
I said: I can only do Fridays.

2. I'm trying to write this pun about yoga.
But it's just not working out. It just seems a stretch.

3. What does the yoga teacher want for their birthday?
All they want is your presence.

4. Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?
The omless shelter.

5. Why is the pear so good at yoga?
He's got a great core.

6. What did the yogi tell his dog?
Nama, stay!

7. What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?
Nothing. They'll find themself.

8. What's a pirate's least favorite yoga move?
The plank pose.

9. What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.

10. I did an amazing yoga pose over this stream created from acidic rainfall yesterday.
I think it's called a bridge over troubled water . . .

11. Why is it easy to make an appointment with a yoga teacher?
They're just so flexible.

12. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys.
It's called "peace of ass".

13. Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
It came with too many attachments.

14. What happens if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
You get charged with premeditated murder.

15. Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability

16. Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic at the dentist?
He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!

17. I got chucked out of yoga class yesterday.
Apparently, I misinterpreted the Half-Moon Pose.

#joke #friday #animal #dog #donkey #fruit #pear
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Wednesday, 21 June 2023
  • Currently 2.33/10

Rating: 2.3/10 (3)

Best Answer

The best answer to the question asked in an interview, "Where do you see yourself in 5 years' time?" . . .

"In the mirror as always . . ."

#joke #short
Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Monday, 17 November 2014
  • Currently 7.20/10

Rating: 7.2/10 (5)

The Vase

A guy goes to a girl's house for the first time, and she shows him into the living room. She excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them a few drinks, and as he's standing there alone, he notices a cute little vase on the mantel. He picks it up, and as he's looking at it, she walks back in.
He says "What's this?"
She says, "Oh, my father's ashes are in there."
He says, "Jeez...oooh....I..."
She says, "Yeah, he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."

Joke | Old joke from joke of the day archives - Check out other old jokes Sunday, 01 December 2013
  • Currently 5.67/10

Rating: 5.7/10 (9)

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