Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 19 April 2023
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Wednesday, 19 April 2023 |
When I got rejected by a woman
When I got rejected by a woman who was hooked up to life support...it was so invalid dating.
Bicycle Day Jokes
Today is Bicycle Day! Find jokes about it!
Q: When is a bike not a bicycle?
A: When it turns into a driveway.
Q: What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bicycle and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
A: Attire (a tyre - gettit?).
Q: What do you call two hippos riding a bicycle?
A: Optimistic!
Q: Did you hear about the environmentalist who went down the same bicycle route twice?
A: He re-cycled.
Q: What do you call a therapist for cyclists?
A: A cycologist.
Q: How do you greet an OAP on their new bike tires?
A: Congratulations on your re-tire-ment!
Q: Do you know the hardest thing about learning to ride a bike?
A: The road.
Q: What's the difference between a boy scout and a guy fixing bicycle horns?
A: One's motto is ‘be prepared’, the other's is ‘beep repaired’.
#bicycleday
A Jewish Mother After Hanukkah
A man received two sweaters for Hanukkah from his mother. The next time he visited her, he made sure to wear one of the two sweaters. As he entered her home, instead of the expected smile, she said, "What's the matter? You didn't like the other one?"
Black eye...
One night a man stumbled into the police station with a black eye. He claimed he had heard a noise in his back yard and went to investigate. The next he knew, he was hit in the eye and knocked out cold.
An officer was sent to his house to investigate, and he returned 1 1/2 hours later with a black eye.
"Did you get hit by the same person?" his captain asked.
"No," he replied. "I stepped on the same rake."
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky...
Chuck Norris invented Kentucky Fried Chicken's famous secret recipe, with eleven herbs and spices. But nobody ever mentions the twelfth ingredient: Fear.Bret Ernst: Blame America
Everybody likes to blame America for everything. What are we, only 233 years old? These other countries are thousands of years old. Not only did they not get it right, but a lot of times they screw up and ask us for help. Thats like a 90-year-old man asking a two-year-old for advice. Biblical Puns
Q: What was the secret of Delilah getting into Samson’s house?
A: She picked his locks.
Q: Why didn’t Pharaoh let the Israelites go into the wilderness after the first six plagues?
A: He was in de Nile.
Q: Why did Samson try to avoid arguing with Delilah?
A: He didn’t want to split hairs.
A Very Minor Sin
A famous professor of surgery died and went to heaven. At the pearly gates he was asked by the gatekeeper, "Have you ever committed a sin you truly regret?""Yes," the professor answered. "When I was a young candidate at the Hospital of Saint Lucas, we played soccer against a team from the Community Hospital, and I scored a goal, which was off-side. But the referee did not see it, and the goal won us the match. I regret that now."
"Well," said the gatekeeper. "That is a very minor sin. You may enter."
"Thank you very much, Saint Peter," the professor answered.
"You're welcome, but I am not Saint Peter," said the gatekeeper. "He is having his lunch break. I am Saint Lucas."
Petroleum Jelly
One day while doing door-to-door market research, this guy knocks on a door and is greeted by a beautiful young housewife.
"Hello," he starts, "I'm doing some research for a petroleum jelly manufacturer. Have you ever used the product?"
"Yes. My husband and I use it during sex," she answers.
The researcher is taken aback. "Um, er, I admire you for your honesty," he continues. "Can you tell me exactly how you use it?"
"Sure, we put it on the doorknob so the kids can't get in."
A guy was on trial for murder...
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.
After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's home, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.
The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all wanted to let him go.
The man told his doctor that h...
The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. The doctor started a long and thorough examination, but finally found nothing wrong with the man.When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me."
"Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just lazy."
"Okay," said the man. "Now give me the medical term so I can tell my wife".
