Jokes of the day for Wednesday, 22 November 2023

One more set of Thanksgiving jokes - new from 2023

Why is Thanksgiving a great holiday for gossip?
Because the best part are the side dishes.

Why do turkeys love R-rated movies?
Because they use fowl language.

If pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
Scholar ships.

Why are Thanksgiving and Halloween similar?
They both have gobble-ins.

Check more of New Thanksgiving jokes from 2023.

How many pastry chefs does it take to make a pie??
3.14.

What are turkeys most thankful for on Thanksgiving?
Vegans.

What do Thanksgiving turkeys become after they die?
Poultrygeists.

What's Inside a Genie's Turkey?
Wishbones.

What did pilgrims use to make cookies?
May Flour!

Check out our collection of new (and old) Thanksgiving jokes.

Why did the Pilgrims eat turkey at Thanksgiving?
Because they couldn't get the moose in the oven!

Why are Thanksgiving bread jokes always funny?
Because they never get mold.

What did Dad say when he was asked to say grace?
“Grace.”

What did the Thanksgiving turkey say to the Christmas ham?
Nice to meat you.

Why don’t side dishes tell jokes?
They’re too corny.

What do you call a sad cranberry?
A blueberry.

What’s the best way to keep a turkey in suspense?
You’ll find out at Thanksgiving dinner!

What role do green beans play in Thanksgiving dinner?
The casse-role.

Need more Thanksgiving jokes? There some Thanksgiving jokes that were new not so long ago Thanksgiving jokes that were new recently

Inseparable

My wife and I are inseparable.
In fact, last week it took four state troopers and a dog.

The Generous Barber

After receiving a beautiful haircut, a doctor asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?” “Oh, I never charge a doctor,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.” The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds a thank you note and a bottle of wine on his doorstep from the doctor.Later that day, a police officer walks into the same barbershop. After a beautiful haircut, the police office asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?” “Oh, I never charge a police officer,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.” The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds a thank you note and a box of candy on his doorstep from the police officer. Later that day, a priest walks into the same barbershop. After a beautiful haircut, the priest asks the barber, “How much do I owe you?” “Oh, I never charge a priest,” the barber replies. “You all do such good, important work.” The next morning, the barber arrives at his shop and finds twelve priests on his doorstep.

Good News

A woman phones up her husband at work for a chat...
Says He: "I'm sorry honey but I'm up to my neck in work today"
Says She: "But I've got some good news and some bad news for you dear."
Says He: "OK darling, but since I've got no time now, just give me the good news, OK?"

Says She: "Well, the air bag works..."

The eagle and the stud...

Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?"

The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest.

The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?"

"No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing."

"In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud."

"So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears.

A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks.

"The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult."

"Why?" asked the Lord.

"He's on a snow tire, somewhere in North Dakota."

A little boy opened the big an...

A little boy opened the big and old family Bible with fascination, he looked at the old pages as he turned them. Then something fell out of the Bible and he picked up and looked at it closely. It was an old leaf from a tree that has been pressed in between pages.

"Momma, look what I found," the boy called out. "What have you got there, dear?" his mother asked. With astonishment in the young boy's voice he answered:

"It's Adam's suit!!!!!"

Taxi Driver In Heaven

A priest and a taxi driver both died and went to heaven. St. Peter was at the Pearly gates waiting for them.
'Come with me', said St. Peter to the taxi driver.
The taxi driver did as he was told and followed St. Peter to a mansion. It had anything you could imagine from a bowling alley to an olympic size pool.
'Wow, thank you', said the taxi driver.
Next, St. Peter led the priest to a rugged old shack with a bunk bed and a little old television set.
'Wait, I think you are a little mixed up', said the priest. 'Shouldn't I be the one who gets the mansion? After all I was a priest, went to church every day, and preached God's word.'
'Yes, that's true. But during your sermons people slept. When the taxi driver drove, everyone prayed.'

“What happened to the...

“What happened to the rich guy with the double chin? He made a four chin.”

Southwest

A mother and her very young son were flying Southwest Airlines from Kansas City to Chicago. The little boy (who had been looking out the window) turned to his mother and asked, "If big dogs have baby dogs, and big cats have baby cats, why don't big airplanes have baby airplanes?"
The mother (who couldn't think of an answer) told her son to ask the stewardess.
So the boy went down the aisle and asked the stewardess. The stewardess, who was very busy at the time, smiled and said, "Did your Mom tell you to ask me?"
The boy said, "yes she did."
"Well, then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby airplanes because Southwest always pulls out on time. Have your Mom explain that to you."

Halloween party

A nun gets into a cab and the cab driver won't stop staring at her.

She asks him why is he staring and he replies,

'I have a question to ask you, but I don't want to offend you.'

She answers, 'My dear son, you cannot offend me. When you're as old as I am and have been a nun as long as I have, you get a chance to see and hear just about everything. I'm sure that there's nothing you could say or ask that I would find offensive.'

'Well,' the cab driver says, 'I've always had a fantasy that a nun performs oral sex on me.'

She responds, 'Well, let's see what we can do about that. First, you have to be single, and secondly, you must be Catholic.'

The cab driver is very excited and says,

'Yes, I am single and I'm Catholic too!'

The nun says, 'OK, pull into the next alley.'

He does and the nun fulfils his fantasy.

But when they get back on the road, the cab driver starts crying. 'My dear child, why are you crying?' says the nun.

'Forgive me sister, but I have sinned,' says the cabby. 'I lied. I must confess, I'm married and I'm Jewish.'

The nun says, 'That's OK. My name is Kevin and I'm on my way to a Halloween party.'

I'm Working At the Moment

My boss texted me, "Send me one of your funny jokes, Pete."
I replied, "I'm working at the moment, Sir, I will send you one later."
He replied, "That was fantastic, send me another one."

14 new blonde jokes

1.Two blondes walk into a bar…
You would have thought one of them would have seen it.

2. Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?
She was desperately trying to make up her mind.

3. Why was the blonde's belly button sore?
Her boyfriend was blonde too.

4. Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burnt her lips on the exhaust pipe.

5. What do you do if a blonde throws a grenade at you?
Pull the pin out and throw it back!

6. What do you do if a blonde throws a pin at you?
Run like hell; she's got a grenade in her teeth!

7. Blonde: "Do you have any children?"
Colleague: "Yes, I have one that's just under two."
Blonde: "I might be blonde, but I know how to count."

8. Why did the blonde get fired from her job packaging M&Ms?
She kept throwing out all the ‘Ws'.

9. I found my blonde girlfriend painting the spare bedroom, wearing my coat and hers.
She was sweating buckets.
When I asked her why, she said it was because the can said "best results with two coats"!

10. What's blonde and dead in a closet?
The hide-and-seek champion from 1995.

11. What do you give a blonde who has everything?
Penicillin.

12. Blonde: "What does IDK stand for?"
Brunette: "I don't know."
Blonde: "OMG, nobody does!"

13. Friend: Have you met my identical twin sister yet?
Blonde: No, what does she look like?

14. Why can't you tell a blonde a knock-knock joke?
Because they keep getting up to answer the door.

Few new short jokes

I had a joke about bowling...
But I'll Spare you.

What's a Pirate's least favourite letter?
Dear Sir,
Your internet access has been terminated due to illegal usage.
Sincerely, your service provider.

Did you know there are no smiles in Canada?
Only skilometers.

My wife demanded I stop taking Viagra each morning before I leave for the office, and replace it with Omega-3 and B vitamins.
She wants me to work smarter, not harder.

I was kicked out of music school accused of theft
, I was only taking notes.

I just saw a sign that made me piss myself.
'Toilet Closed.'

I have successfully managed to weigh a rainbow,
turns out it was pretty light.

I spent a lot of time, money, and effort childproofing my house...
But the kids still get in!

Did you hear about the little boy who swallowed some coins and was admitted to hospital.
When the doctor did his rounds, he asked the nurse how he was doing. The nurse said there was 'no change.

Stung by a bee

A woman taking golf lessons had just started her first round when she was stung by a bee. Distraught, she went back into the clubhouse and told her golf teacher about the incident.

"Where did it sting you?" he asked.

"Between the first and second hole," she replied.

He shook his head and said: "That’s your problem right there. You had your feet too far apart!"

The Darwinian vs. God Contest

One day a group of Darwinian scientists got together and decided that man had come a long way and no longer needed God. So they picked one Darwinian to go and tell Him that they were done with Him.
The Darwinian walked up to God and said, "God, we've decided that we no longer need you. We're to the point that we can clone people and do many miraculous things, so why don't you just go on and get lost."
God listened very patiently and kindly to the man. After the Darwinian was done talking, God said, "Very well, how about this? Let's say we have a man-making contest." To which the Darwinian happily agreed.
God added, "Now, we're going to do this just like I did back in the old days with Adam."
The Darwinian said, "Sure, no problem," and bent down and grabbed himself a handful of dirt.
God looked at him and said, "No, no, no. You go get your own dirt!"