Jokes of the day for Friday, 12 January 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Friday, 12 January 2024 |
Identifying A Bald Eagle
How do you identify a bald eagle?
All his feathers are combed over to one side.
Letters from Little Girls to God
Dear God,Thank you for the baby brother, but I prayed for a puppy.Joyce Dear God,My father told me about being born, but that doesn't sound right. He was kidding, right? MarshaDear God,Did you mean for the giraffe to look like that or was it an accident?NormaDear God,Did you really mean, "Do unto others as they do unto you?" Because if you did, then I'm going to fix my brother!DarlaDear God,We read Thomas Edison made light. But in Sunday School they said you did it. So I bet he stole your idea.Sincerely,DonnaDear God,I bet it is very hard for you to love all of the people in the whole world. There are only four people in our whole family and I can never do it.NanDear God,If we come back as something else, please don't let me be Jennifer Horton because I hate her.Love,DeniseDear God,In Bible times did they really talk that fancy?JenniferDear God,What does it mean you are a jealous God? I thought you had everything.JaneDear God,It rained for our whole vacation and my father was mad! He said some things about you that people are not supposed to say, but I hope you won't hurt him anyway.Your friend (I'm not going to tell You my name.)-Damn Parking Enforcement
I went to the shop the other day. I was only in there for about 5 minutes and when I came out, there was a damn traffic officer writing a parking ticket for over-running the meter.
So I went up to him and said,
"Come on, how about giving a man a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the ticket.
So I called him a pencil-necked Nazi. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for also having parked partially on the pavement!!
So I called him a son of a mutant pig. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!!
This went on for about 20 minutes and the more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. I didn't give a damn.
My car was parked around the corner...
Circle of flies....
A farmer got pulled over by a state trooper for speeding, and the trooper started to lecture the farmer about his speed, and in general began to throw his weight around to try to make the farmer uncomfortable. Finally, the trooper got around to writing out the ticket, and as he was doing that he kept swatting at some flies that were buzzing around his head.The farmer said, 'Having some problems with circle flies there, are ya?' The trooper stopped writing the ticket and said, 'Well yeah, if that's what they are, but I never heard of circle flies.'
So the farmer says, 'Well, circle flies are common on farms. See, they're called circle flies because they're almost always found circling around the back end of a horse.'
The trooper says, 'Oh,' and goes back to writing the ticket. Then after a minute he stops and says, 'Hey...wait a minute, are you trying to call me a horse's ass?'
The farmer says, 'Oh no, officer. I have too much respect for law enforcement and police officers to even think about calling you a horse's ass.'
The trooper says, 'Well, that's a good thing,' and goes back to writing the ticket.
After a long pause, the farmer says, 'Hard to fool them flies though...'
A guy walks into a bar...........
A guy walks into a bar...........He orders a drink........... after a few.......... he must visit the john.
he does not want anyone to steal his drink. so he puts a sign on it. saying, , " I SPIT IN THIS BEER, DO NOT DRINK'.
after a few minutes he returns........... There is another sign next to his beer, saying, SO DID I.
Even when the man is listening what wife liked for her birthday
A man asked his wife what she'd like for her birthday. "I'd love to be six again," she replied. On the morning of her birthday, he got her up bright and early and off they went to a local theme park. What a day! He put her on every ride in the park: the Death Slide, the Screaming Loop, the Wall of Fear, everything there was! Wow! Five hours later she staggered out of the theme park, her head reeling and her stomach upside down. Right to a McDonald's they went, where her husband ordered her a Happy Meal with extra fries and a refreshing chocolate shake. Then it was off to a movie, the latest Star Wars epic, a hot dog, popcorn, soda, and M&Ms. What a fabulous adventure!
Finally she wobbled home with her husband and collapsed into bed. He leaned over and lovingly asked, "Well, dear, what was it like being six again?"
One eye opened. "You idiot, I meant my dress size."
The moral of this story: Even when the man is listening, he's still gonna get it wrong.
The leading causes of death in...
The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart disease, 2. Chuck Norris, 3. CancerJo Koy: Three-Year-Old Son
Ive got a three-year-old son. Its like living with a crazy midget. Animal Super Bowl
During the Super Bowl, there was another football game of note between the big animals and the little animals. The big animals were crushing little animals and at half-time, the coach made a passionate speech to rally the little animals.At the start of the second half the big animals had the ball. The first play, the elephant got stopped for no gain. The second play, the rhino was stopped for no gain. On third down, the hippo was thrown for a 5 yard loss.
The defense huddled around the coach and he asked excitedly, "Who stopped the elephant?"
"I did," said the centipede.
"Who stopped the rhino?"
"Uh, that was me too," said the centipede.
"And how about the hippo? Who hit him for a 5 yard loss?"
"Well, that was me as well," said the centipede.
"So where were you during the first half?" demanded the coach.
"Well," said the centipede, "I was having my ankles taped."
Deon Cole: Getting Fit
When I moved out to LA they told me I had to work out. I was like, I dont wanna do that. They gave me this trainer, and the dude was like... The most important thing is, you cant eat late at night or youll get fat. And Im like, Forget that, you supposed to eat late at night. He was like, No you not. Im like, Well, why they put a light in the refrigerator? Sleep at age 21 and 40
Four hours of sleep at age 21: I'm ready to party again. Four hours of sleep at age 40: Say one thing to me and i'll smack you in the face. News photographer on plane
His request approved, the news photographer quickly used a cell phone to call the local airport to charter a flight. He was told a twin-engine plane would be waiting for him at the airport. Arriving at the airfield, he spotted a plane warming up outside a hanger. He jumped in with his bag, slammed the door shut, and shouted, ‘Let’s go’. The pilot taxied out, swung the plane into the wind and took off.
Once in the air, the photographer instructed the pilot, ‘Fly over the valley and make low passes so I can take pictures of the fires on the hillsides.’
‘Why?’ asked the pilot.
‘Because I’m a photographer for cable news,’ he responded. ‘And I need to get some close up shots.’
The pilot was strangely silent for a moment, finally he stammered, ‘So, what you’re telling me, is… you’re NOT my flight instructor?’
Found on http://www.americanflyersmorristown.net, posted on November 2009 Newsletter
Gabriel Iglesias: The Only Big Friend Argument
When you have nothing but big friends, you never get into arguments -- except one. And that is, who is the biggest? Ill let you know right now, theres only one way to settle this. We all get in a bus and we go to Disney and we get on a roller coaster -- whoever gets the least amount of clicks on the safety bar is the big one. Did You See the Joke?
Did anyone see the joke I posted recently about my spine?
It was about a weak back.
