Jokes of the day for Monday, 27 May 2024
| Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Monday, 27 May 2024 |
Memorial Day jokes for 2024
Observed on the last Monday in May every year, Memorial Day is a federal holiday in the United States that honors and remembers those who have died while serving in the military.
Enjoy these light-hearted jokes to add some fun to your Memorial Day!
Why did the soldier bring a ladder to the barbecue?
He wanted to raise the steaks!
What do army guys say when they forget Memorial Day?
Ah, shoot!
What is your favorite Memorial Day tradition?
Spilling BBQ sauce on white pants.
Which day do Alzheimer's patients forget?
Memorial Day.
A small boy was staring at the names on a wall.
The pastor explained,
"They are those who died in the service."
The boy asked,
"The 9 o'clock service or the 11 o'clock?"
What's a cow's favorite Memorial Day activity?
Going to the moo-vies!
Why are there no knock-knock jokes on Memorial Day?
Because freedom rings!
Did you hear about the man who got his car's AC fixed after Memorial Day?
He came back singing "Freon isn't Free."
Why don't soldiers play hide and seek on Memorial Day?
Because good luck hiding when everyone's off duty!
What is the best Memorial Day Sales pitch?
To remember the millions of brave soldiers who died for our country, we're giving you 30% off on all corduroy pants and toaster ovens.
What's the favorite thing about Memorial Day for employees?
Saying to co-workers, "See you next Tuesday."
What do army guys read on Memorial Day?
Magazine.
On Memorial Day, the teacher asked the students, "Do you know why God created wars?"
Someone among students: To teach us, geography?!
How can you offend a close relative of a fallen soldier on Memorial Day?
Wish them "Happy Memorial Day."
Do you know that The Air Force is the most patriotic arm of the US military?
Because they're USAF.
What fruit do soldiers hate?
The Pommegranade.
In the military, how do you refer to children?
Infantry.
Office So Small
I had an office so small...
That when I put the key in the door, I broke a window.
Second-hand goods
A divorced man bumps into his ex-wife's new husband at a party.
After knocking back a few drinks, he walks over to the guy and sneers: "So, how do you like using second-hand goods?"
"Doesn't bother me," the new husband replies. "Once you get past the first three inches, it's all brand new."
The phrase "dead ringer" refer...
The phrase "dead ringer" refers to someone who sits behind Chuck Norris in a movie theater and forgets to turn their cell phone off.What does two plus two equal?
A mathematician, a statistician and an accountant apply for the same job. The interviewer calls in the mathematician and asks "What does two plus two equal?"
The mathematician replies "Four." The interviewer asks "Four, exactly?" The mathematician looks at the interviewer incredulously and says "Yes, four, exactly."
Then the interviewer calls in the statistician and asks the same question "What does two plus two equal?" The statistician says "On average, four - give or take ten percent, but on average, four."
Then the interviewer calls in the accountant and poses the same question "What does two plus two equal?"
The accountant gets up, locks the door, closes the shade, sits down next to the interviewer and says "What do you want it to equal?"
Hillary goes to heaven
Hillary Clinton died and, Lord knows why, went to heaven. St. Peter approached her and says "Hillary, I know you're 'somebody' down on Earth, but up here, you're just another person. And, I'm swamped right now, so have a seat and I'll get back with you as soon as I can."So Hillary sits down and begins looking at her surroundings. She notices a huge wall that extends as far as the eye can see. And on that wall there are millions and millions of clocks. She can't help notice that on occasion some of the clocks jump ahead fifteen minutes.
When St. Peter returns she asks "What's the deal with the clocks?"
St. Peter replies "There is a clock on the wall for every married man on Earth."
Hillary asks, "Well what does it mean when the clock jumps ahead 15 minutes?"
St. Peter replies, "That means that the man that belongs to that clock has just committed adultery."
Hillary asks, "Well, is my husband's clock on the wall?"
St. Peter replies, "Of course not. God has it in his office and is using it for an electric fan."
Tennis lesson
A lady goes in to take a tennis lesson, and the instructor notices she is using the wrong grip. After several failed attempts to correct her, he finally says "OK, just grip it like you do your husband's member".After that, she immediately rips a couple of top spin winners down the line. The instructor says, "Wow that's great. Now just try taking the racket out of your mouth."
Picking leaves .. and few more short jokes
I'm an expert at picking leaves and heating them in water.
It's my special tea.
“I have a split personality” said Bob, being frank.
My doctor told me to drink two glasses of red wine after a hot bath.
But I can’t even finish drinking the hot bath.
I don't own a telescope, but it's something I'm thinking of looking into!
I asked my boss, "Can I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
"It's May," he said.
I said, "Sorry. May I get a couple of weeks off for Christmas?"
A radio announcer was introduc...
A radio announcer was introducing a record, "The next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, that's a ripe old age, isn't it?"There was a short pause and then the DJ said, "I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."
An Inscription Problem
According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated, "Wash. Biol. Surv." until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you it was horrible."
April Fool's Day Prank - Tape an airhorn...
Tape an airhorn by the door handle. How Much
Hey, cabby! How much to take me to the station?
"Five bucks, sir."
"And how much for my suitcase?"
"No charge for the suitcase, sir."
"Okay. Take the case and I'll walk."
Photographic memory
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
