Jokes of the day for Saturday, 13 July 2024
Funny jokes, funny photo and funny video collected from the internet on Saturday, 13 July 2024 |
A bowl of soup...
Randy, was on a hunting trip up in West Virginia. He became rather cold and thirsty so decided to stop in at his Mother in law's place and ask for something to drink.
When he got there, she said, "You look really cold, how about a bowl of soup."
There was a wee Vietnamese pig running around the kitchen, running up to Randy and giving him a great deal of attention. Randy commented, "That pig sure is friendly."
Bill, his father in law replied, "Arnold's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."
Chuck Norris doesnt wear a wat...
![Chuck Norris doesnt wear a wat...](/jokes-archive/2011/07/13/Chuck-Norris-doesnt-wear-a-wat-.jpg.400.jpg)
Daniel Tosh: Airport Phone Fun
![Daniel Tosh: Airport Phone Fun](/jokes-archive/2010/07/13/Daniel-Tosh-3A-Airport-Phone-Fun.jpg.400.jpg)
If paper beats rock, rock beat...
If paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and scissors beats paper, what beats all 3 at the same time? Chuck Norris.Shark!
![Shark!](/jokes-archive/2009/07/13/Shark-21.jpg.400.jpg)
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.
As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.
As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."
Chemistry Song 12
I Saw Teacher Kissing Santa Chlorine
I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree last night
They didn't sneak me down the periodic chart
to take a peek
At all the atoms reacting in their beakers;
it was neat.
And I saw teacher kissing Santa Chlorine
under the chemistree so bright
Oh what a reaction there would have been
if the principal had walked in
With teacher kissing Santa Chlorine last night.
Two buddies are fishing, but
![Two buddies are fishing, but](/jokes-archive/2014/11/19/Two-buddies-are-fishing-2C-but.jpg.400.jpg)
The other fisherman replies,” If you just go down the stream until the water isn't salty, there are a ton of hungry fish."
They thank him and go on their way. 15 minutes later, one fisherman says to the other "fill the bucket up with water and see if the water is salty."
He dips the bucket in the stream and drinks some. "Nope. Still salty." 30 minutes later, he asks him to check again.
"Nope, still salty." One our later they check again. "Nope. Still salty."
"This isn't good," the fisherman finally says. "We have been walking for almost two hours and the water is still salty!"
"I know," says the other. "And the bucket is almost empty!"
A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die
![A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die](/jokes-archive/2023/05/14/A-Taxi-Driver-and-a-Priest-Die.jpg.400.jpg)
Shipwrecked on an Island
![Shipwrecked on an Island](/jokes-archive/2023/01/03/Shipwrecked-on-an-Island.jpg.400.jpg)
Catching Cows
![Catching Cows](/jokes-archive/2013/09/11/Catching-Cows.jpg.400.jpg)
More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance.
"This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows."
"I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?"
Qualities of a woman
![Qualities of a woman](/jokes-archive/2014/10/23/Qualities-of-a-woman.jpg.400.jpg)
Top 5 qualities of a woman:
1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
Authorized Personnel Only
![Authorized Personnel Only](/jokes-archive/2017/01/25/Authorized-Personnel-Only.jpg.400.jpg)
When Laughter Is Not the Best Medicine
![When Laughter Is Not the Best Medicine](/jokes-archive/2023/09/03/When-Laughter-Is-Not-the-Best-Medicine.jpg.400.jpg)
Laughter is the best medicine...
Unless you have broken ribs.
Burglar
![Burglar](/jokes-archive/2014/03/02/Burglar.jpg.400.jpg)
"Get this." said the English bloke to his mates, "Last night while I was down the pub with you guys, a burglar broke into my house.
"Did he get anything?" his mates asked.
"Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken nuts. The wife thought it was me coming home drunk."