Jokes of the day for Sunday, 23 November 2025

Blind date

How was your blind date?" a college student asked her roommate.

"Terrible!" the room-mate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce."

"Wow! That's a very expensive car. What's so bad about that?"

"He was the original owner."

We noticed that all the waiter...

We noticed that all the waiters in this New York restaurant carried two spoons in their vest pocket. Naturally, we were curious. We asked a waiter why.
'Sir, as a result of an efficiency study by the management, it was determined that the most frequently dropped silverware item was a spoon. Therefore, all the waiters carry two spoons so that the item can be instantly replaced.' As he was explaining that we noticed a string hanging out of the fly of his pants. So, we asked about that.
'Sir, that's another efficiency study result. When we have to go to the bathroom, we use the string to pull ourselves out and aim. Therefore, we do not have to stop to wash our hands.' We replied, 'I understand how you can get yourself out and aim, but how do you get yourself back in.' 'Well,' replied the waiter, 'I don't know about the other guys, but I use the two spoons!'

Chuck Norris will never have a...

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.

A man is dining in a fancy res...

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant, and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He had been checking her out since he sat down, but lacked the nerve to talk with her.
Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in place. "Let me buy you dessert to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dessert together, and afterwards, the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning.
The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed! Everything has been incredible!
"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No," she replies...
... "You just happened to catch my eye

Chuck Norris can make snow ang...

Chuck Norris can make snow angels on a concrete slab.

Dream job

Reaching the end of a job interview, the Human Resources Person asked the young programmer, "And what starting salary were you looking for?"

The programmer said, "In the neighborhood of $75,000 a year, depending on the benefit's package."

The HR Person said, "Well, what would you say to a package of 5 weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company Corvette leased every 2 years?"

The programmer sat up straight and said, "Wow!!! Are you kidding?"

The HR Person replied, "Certainly, ...but you started it."

The Wedding Ring

Daughter: My fiancé said I could have whatever I wanted to be inscribed on his wedding ring. What should I put?
Mother: Put what I put on your father's wedding ring.
Daughter: What does it say. I've never seen daddy with it off.
Mother: Yes. It's worked very well over the years. It says, 'Put it back on!'

A radio announcer was introduc...

A radio announcer was introducing a record, "The next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is a hundred and eleven. Hey, Charlotte, that's a ripe old age, isn't it?"
There was a short pause and then the DJ said, "I'm sorry, I got it wrong. This next one is for Charlotte Burke, who is ill."

17 Yoga jokes for International Yoga Day

Jun the 21st is International Yoga Day! Celebrate it with few Yoga jokes!

1. I recently took up yoga, and the instructor asked me how flexible I am…
I said: I can only do Fridays.

2. I'm trying to write this pun about yoga.
But it's just not working out. It just seems a stretch.

3. What does the yoga teacher want for their birthday?
All they want is your presence.

4. Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?
The omless shelter.

5. Why is the pear so good at yoga?
He's got a great core.

6. What did the yogi tell his dog?
Nama, stay!

7. What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?
Nothing. They'll find themself.

8. What's a pirate's least favorite yoga move?
The plank pose.

9. What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.

10. I did an amazing yoga pose over this stream created from acidic rainfall yesterday.
I think it's called a bridge over troubled water . . .

11. Why is it easy to make an appointment with a yoga teacher?
They're just so flexible.

12. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys.
It's called "peace of ass".

13. Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
It came with too many attachments.

14. What happens if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
You get charged with premeditated murder.

15. Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability

16. Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic at the dentist?
He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!

17. I got chucked out of yoga class yesterday.
Apparently, I misinterpreted the Half-Moon Pose.

There was this guy at a bar, j...

There was this guy at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half of an hour.
Then, this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and just drinks it all down. The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says, "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man cry."
"No, it's not that. This day is the worst of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I go late to my office. My boss, outrageous, fires me. When I leave the building, to my car, I found out it was stolen. The police said that they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there. The cab driver just drives away."
"I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home, and come to this bar. And just when I was thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison."

There were these two blondes d...

There were these two blondes driving along the highway looking for a place to stop and picnic.
The first blonde says, "Let's stop here, and have our picnic under that tree."
The other says, "No! Let's have it right here in the middle of the road."
They argued about it for a bit, but finally agreed to have it in the middle of the road.
All of a sudden, a car comes speeding towards them and has to swerve into the tree to keep from hitting them.
The one blonde says to the other, "See? If we were under that tree, we'd be dead now!"

Father: Son, today is your exa...

Father: Son, today is your exam. If you fail, that's it, don't ever call me your father again. Got it?
Son: Okay dad! I'll do my best!
After the exam..
Father: So, how's the exam?
Son: Sorry Sir, do I know you?

Taking picture at museum

I was at a museum, and I asked a worker there if we were allowed to take pictures.

He told me no, as they had to stay on the walls.

Found on Twitter BytownMuseum posted on 16 Jun 2019

5 Best Office Jokes great for Mid-Week Laughter

1. Vengeance and the Boss

"My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.
We’ll see about that."

2. Nodding Off in Meetings

"The reason we 'nod off to sleep' is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting."

3. Emergency Contact Humor

"When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write,
'A very good doctor'."

4. Team Work Irony

"Team work is important;
it helps to put the blame on someone else."

5. Multitasking Expertise

"I’m great at multitasking.
I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."

Grandma Loves Oranges

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her Grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl.
The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl became frantic.
Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her secret, the young girl said that some people were giving out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.
"Mmmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma, "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But, you're so old, how do you do it?"

Grandma replied," Oh, it's quite easy sonny, I just remove my dentures and suck 'em dry."