Popular jokes (151 to 165)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Talking Dog for Sale
A guy sees a sign in front of a house: "Talking Dog for Sale." He rings the bell and the owner tells him the dog is in the backyard.
The guy goes into the backyard and sees a black mutt just sitting there.
"You talk?" he asks.
"Yep," the mutt replies.
"So, what's your story?"
The mutt looks up and says, "Well, I discovered my gift of talking pretty young and I wanted to help the government, so I told the CIA about my gift, and in no time they had me jetting from country to country, sitting in rooms with spies and world leaders, because no one figured a dog would be eavesdropping. I was one of their most valuable spies eight years running.
The jetting around really tired me out, and I knew I wasn't getting any younger and I wanted to settle down. So I signed up for a job at the airport to do some undercover security work, mostly wandering near suspicious characters and listening in. I uncovered some incredible dealings there and was awarded a batch of medals. Had a wife, a mess of puppies, and now I'm just retired."
The guy is amazed. He goes back in and asks the owner what he wants for the dog.
The owner says, "Ten dollars."
The guy says, "This dog is amazing. Why on earth are you selling him, so cheap?"
The owner replies, "He's just a big liar. He didn't do any of that stuff."
Lesbian Diet
Q: Why cant a lesbian go on a diet and wear makeup at the same time?
A: Because they cant eat Jenny Craig and have Mary Kay on their face at the same time.
5 Best Office Jokes great for Mid-Week Laughter
1. Vengeance and the Boss
"My boss says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.We’ll see about that."
2. Nodding Off in Meetings
"The reason we 'nod off to sleep' is so it looks like we’re just emphatically agreeing with everything when we’re in a boring meeting."
3. Emergency Contact Humor
"When an employment application asks who is to be notified in case of emergency, I always write,'A very good doctor'."
4. Team Work Irony
"Team work is important;it helps to put the blame on someone else."
5. Multitasking Expertise
"I’m great at multitasking.I can waste time, be unproductive, and procrastinate all at once."
Shortest books
The Shortest Books Ever Written.
1000 Years of German Humor
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers
Italian War Heroes
Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu
Gun Control for The New Millenium: NRA Handbook
Bored on the train
Three men and a young woman are travelling on a train. The four passengers get talking and the chat soon takes an erotic turn.
The young woman proposes: “If each of you give me $1 I will show you my legs”. The men, charmed by the woman, all pull a dollar out of their wallet and she proceeds to pull up her dress a bit to show her legs.
The woman then says: “If each of you gentlemen give me $10 I will show you my thighs”. Again the men pull out their wallets, hand over the money the money and the woman pulls up her dress to show her legs.
The woman continues: “If you give me $100 I will show you where I was operated on for appendicitis”. All three hand over the money.
The woman then turns to the window and points outside at a building they’re passing. “See there in the distance, that’s the hospital where I had it done!”
Original joke found on https://boards.fool.com posted on July 5th 2000, posted by gwgross, versions with more details could be found a bit later
16 Yoga Jokes - to celebrate International Day of Yoga in 2024
The International Day of Yoga is a day in recognition of Yoga, that is celebrated across the world annually on June 21. Have some fun with Yoga jokes
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga …
And 100% of men don’t care.
My sister told me yoga is the best form of exercise in the world.
I said, "that's a bit of stretch."
They tried to kick me out of my yoga class the other day...
But I just told them "Nah'm'a stay."
What do you call an injury you get at yoga class?
Yoghurt.
My yoga instructor was drunk today.
Put me in a very awkward position.
I don't like people who do Yoga.
They're a bunch of posers if you aske me.
Pickup line: “Hey, were those yoga pants on sale?”.
“Because at my place, they’d be 100% off.”
What do you call a communist doing yoga?
Stretch Marx
Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability
I told my yoga instructor I wanted to be able to do the splits.
She asked how flexible I was.
I told her I couldn't come on Tuesdays.
Yogi walked into Pizza place:
"Make me one with everything."
When the Yogi got the pizza, payed with a $20 bill.
The proprietor pocketed the bill.
The Yogi said:
"Don't I get change?"
The proprietor said:
"Change must come from within."
Why did the yogi start a gardening business?
To help people find their inner peas.
Why did the yoga teacher join a band?
Because she could really hit the high notes in Om.
What's a yogi's favorite car?
A: A Mercedes Bends!
What did the dyslexic cow say in yoga class?
Oooooom.
Why did the yoga instructor go to jail?
Because she refused to follow the stretch rules.
2024 April Fools’ Day pranks - get your pranks up to date
AI prank
Ask something on about well-known person/celebrity a href="https://gemini.google.com" target="_blank">gemini.google.com or chat.openai.com or any other Chat Bot or AI tool.
Take Screenshot and then edit the name and put name of your friend instead and send it to a friend saying: “Look what ChatGPT (or Gemini or whatever…) has on you!”
They will for sure go and check themselves!
Juice pranks – fill glass with jelly instead of juice
Care for a drink?
When your family tries to take a sip of this juice, they'll find out it’s really Jell-O.
Parking prank
Fake parking ticket onto windshield is classic prank.
Some April Fools’ Day pranks get better with age!
Check these Classic April Fools’ Day pranks to make this one of the best April Fools’ Days ever!
Delivery prank
Save the delivery boxes for a few weeks and then on April 1 set them all out by the front door.
Fake Remote Batteries
Replace your remote batteries with fake or dead batteries.
The person using the remote while watching television won't be able to change the channel.
You can sit and laugh at them while they are struggling to fix the remote.
Cookie monster
Unscrew several Oreo cookies and replace the filling with toothpaste.
Sandwich the cookies back together and serve with milk to make it look like a totally normal snack.
Put an air horn behind a door prank
Put an air horn behind a door, then run for cover when someone opens it.
I'm Moving Away Prank
Ideally, take a photo of new neighbor moving in/out so the truck is visible and your neighborhood recognizable on the photo.
If you can't find photo in your neighborhood, just find stock photo of Full-Service Movers so only truck and workers are visible, but not surrounding. Share photo to let your friends know you are moving out.
Need more April Fools’ Day pranks?
Check older April Fools’ Day pranks, they are still good today!
Wool in shoes prank
Stuff someone’s shoes with cotton wool.
They will be so confused when they don’t fit anymore!
Veggies for breakfast prank
Play with quirky twist on breakfast by substituting veggies for the expected doughnuts. Purchase a box from your nearby doughnut shop, but discreetly empty it of its contents before returning home.
Instead, fill it with nutritious options like carrots, celery, and broccoli, then seal it and place it on the table.
Watch as your family anticipates indulging in doughnuts for breakfast, only to discover a pleasant surprise of fresh salad ingredients.
This clever swap can also bring a healthy touch to your workplace when left in the communal kitchen area.
Pretend it’s someone’s birthday when it’s not prank
Then get everyone to sing Happy Birthday to them, and watch the embarrassment unfold.
Infrequently
An elderly couple who are both widowed have been courting for a long time.
They decide it's finally time to get married. Before the wedding, they go out to dinner and talk about how their marriage might work.
They discuss finances, living arrangements and so on.
Finally, the man broaches the subject of their physical relationship.
"How do you feel about sex?" he asks, rather tentatively.
"I would like it infrequently," replies the old lady.
The old gentleman sits quietly for a moment, adjusts his glasses, leans over towards her and whispers: "Is that one word or two?"
A blonde, a brunette, and a re
A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead show up for the same job interview. The brunette is the first one to go in, and after filling out the forms and going through the questions, the interviewer decides to ask her last question:"How many D's are there in "INDIANA JONES""? The brunette thinks for a second and responds "One".
The interviewer sends her back with a promise that he'll get back to her after he had interviewed the remaining candidates.
The redhead is next. The process goes about the same, and at the end: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES"? She immediately says "One". The interviewer says, "OK, we'll let you know".
Then the blonde comes into the room, goes through the questions, and finally gets asked: "How many D's are there in INDIANA JONES". She gets a very serious look on her face and starts counting her fingers, muttering: "2, 4, 6 ...., hmmm - wait,... 2, 4, 6 .... can I borrow your calculator please?"
After going through 15 minutes of intense calculating, she finally comes up with the answer: "Thirty two"
The interviewer is stunned and asks her: "Ok, now tell me, how the hell did you arrive at this answer?"
She starts singing "Da Da Dah Dahhh Dah Dah Da Da Dah Dahh Dah Dah ..."
(The theme song for Indiana Jones)
When You See A Spaceman
What do you do when you see a SPACEMAN?
You park your car in it!
Fairy Jokes
June 24th is International Fairy Day! Find joke about it!
What did the romantic fairy say to his girlfriend?
I'm 'fairy' in love with you!
Where does the tooth fairy find mislaid teeth?
Flossed property.
What do fairies learn in school?
The elf-abet.
The fairy website has low-quality image...
They’re pixielated
I just paid for a boat ride to a magic themed renaissance carnival. The price was reasonable.
It was a fair fairy faire ferry fare.
Who granted the fish a wish?
The fairy codmother.
Why don’t fairies live under toadstools?
Because there’s not mushroom.
What do you call a philosophical fairy?
ThinkerBell.
#internationalfairyday #fairyday
Pain Relief
Every time I get a headache I take 2 Ibuprofen and keep away from my children...
Just like the bottle says.
