Popular jokes (16156 to 16170)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Even More Top 10 Signs You Hav...
Even More Top 10 Signs You Have A Drinking Problem10 - Every night you're beginning to find your roomate's cat more attractive.
9 - No ocifer, I'm not drunk... you're just sober...
8 - If on a diet, you cut back your food calories to allow for alcohol calories.
7 - Don't recognize wife unless seen through bottom of bottle.
6 - That damned pink elephant followed me home again.
5 - You are the proud owner of a porcelain bus driver's license.
4 - Senators Kennedy and Packwood shake their heads when they walk past you.
3 - Mosquitoes spiral down to the ground in circles after biting you.
2 - Your name is Ted Kennedy.
1 - The shrubbery's drunk from frequent watering.
Banking Error…
A true story out of San Francisco…A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the branch & wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag.”
While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller's window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo.
After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn't the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Answering Machine Message 50
Vancouver Coast Guard, may I help you. (Caller thinks that he/she accidentally dialed long distance.
One night a blonde nun was pra
One night a blonde nun was praying in her room when God appeared beforeher. "My daughter, you have pleased me greatly. Your heart is full of lovefor your fellow creatures and your actions and prayers are always for thebenefit of others. I have come to you, not only to thank and commend you,but to grant you anything you wish," said God."Dear Heavenly Father, I am perfectly happy. I am a bride of Christ. I amdoing what I love. I lack for nothing material since the Church supportsme. I am content in all ways," said the nun.
"There must be something you would have of me," said God.
"Well, there is one thing," she said.
"Just name it," said God.
"It's those blonde jokes. They are so demeaning to blondes everywhere, notjust to me. I would like for blonde jokes to stop."
"Consider it done," said God. "Blonde jokes shall be stricken from theminds of humans everywhere. But surely there is something that I could dojust for you."
"There is one thing. But it's really small, and not worth your time," saidthe nun.
"Name it. Please," said God.
"It's the M&M's," said the nun. "They're so hard to peel."
A man goes to the doctor with ...
A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement."Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."
Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin.
"Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"
"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."
"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "you have a REALLY nice house."
Do baristas listen to ...
Do baristas listen to frappe music?A guest at dinner noticed the
A guest at dinner noticed the small family dog looking hungrily at every bite she took. Finally she took a small piece of meat from her plate and held it up for him."Speak!" she said to the dog.
The dog answered, "Under the circumstances, I hardly know what to say!"
Baby Light
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing."
Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come."
Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor: "Do ya think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
“I never found sendin
“I never found sending signals from ships challenging. I always had a flare for it.”
“I saw a great comedy
“I saw a great comedy show in London. Folks were rolling in the isles.”
