Popular jokes (16681 to 16695)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Reasons To Leave Work
1. Not spending enough quality time with the kitchen applicances.
2. Came dressed in only a towel...again.
3. Ran out of paper clips.
4. I've decided to telecommute.
5. Ambassador to Belgium is at the White House.
6. It's a long drive home to Texas.
7. One-day sale at Macy's.
8. My brain is melting!
9. I think they found me out...
10. Accidently erased the whole week's work off the computer disk.
Chuck Norris' every step creat...
Chuck Norris' every step creates a mini whirlwind. Hurricane Katrina was the result of a morning jog.Strange Problem
A young man, fresh out of college, went to see his doctor one day.
'Doc, there's something wrong with me.
Every time I stand in a baby's high chair and face southwest, and then touch my tongue to a piece of aluminum foil that's wrapped around an acorn, I get a strange tingle in my big toe.
Can you tell me what the problem is?'
'Sure,' the doctor said. 'You have way too much time on your hands.'
Where's My Drink
After ordering a milkshake, a man had to leave his seat in the restaurant to use the rest room. Since he didn't want anyone to take his shake, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The world's strongest weight lifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty. Under it was a new napkin with a note that said "Thanks for the treat!" It was signed, "The world's fastest runner."
Here is an actual sign posted
Here is an actual sign posted at a golf club in Scotland UK:1. Back Straight, Knees Bent, Feet Shoulder Width Apart.
2. Form A Loose Grip.
3. Keep Your Head Down!
4. Avoid A Quick Back Swing.
5. Stay Out Of The Water.
6. Try Not To Hit Anyone.
7. If You Are Taking Too Long, Let Others Go Ahead Of You.
8. Don't Stand Directly In Front Of Others.
9. Quiet Please...While Others Are Preparing.
10. Don't Take Extra Strokes.
Well Done. Now, Flush The Urinal, Go Outside, And Tee Off.
Still talking about taxes...
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag.
"Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them."
"That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
Hot Babe in Bar
A hot babe goes into a bar and orders a sex on the beach. She notices a slick dude at the end of the bar with a very prominent feature. Hi big guy, she says, batting her eyelashes. Oh hello, beautiful, he says stepping closer to her. I couldnt help but notice what big feet you have, as a look of wonderment spreads across her face. You know what that means... he coos. Yes, trouble for the ants, she says.Q: Why are there no television
Q: Why are there no televisions in Afghanistan?A: Because of the Telly-ban!
Ducks can be interesting. They
Ducks can be interesting. They have such aquacktic personalities.When it comes to Facebook,
When it comes to Facebook, the best defriends is a good offense.Four friends, who hadn't seen
Four friends, who hadn't seen each other in 30 years, reunited at a party. After several drinks, one of the men had to use the rest room. Those who remained talked about their kids.The first guy said, "My son is my pride and joy. He started working at a successful company at the bottom of the barrel. He studied Economics and Business Administration and soon began to climb the corporate ladder and now he's the president of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a top of the line Mercedes for his birthday."
The second guy said, "Damn, that's terrific! My son is also my pride and joy. He started working for a big airline, then went to flight school to become a pilot. Eventually he became a partner in the company, where he owns the majority of its assets. He's so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his birthday."
The third man said: "Well, that's terrific! My son studied in the best universities and became an engineer. Then he started his own construction company and is now a multimillionaire. He also gave away something very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday: a 30,000 square foot mansion."
The three friends congratulated each other just as the fourth returned from the restroom and asked, "What are all the congratulations for?"
One of the three said, "We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. What about your son?"
The fourth man replied, "My son is gay and makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub."
The three friends said, "What a shame...what a disappointment."
The fourth man replied, "No, I'm not ashamed. He's my son and I love him. And he's lucky, too. His birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 square foot mansion, a brand new jet and a top of the line Mercedes from his three boyfriends."
