Popular jokes (19846 to 19860)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The grass is always greener on...
The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there; then the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.#joke #short #chuck-norris
“The decision to lega
“The decision to legalize marijuana was made by a high government official.”
#joke #short
Dog Jokes 03
Q: What is a dog's favorite sport?
A: Formula 1 drooling!
Q: What do you get if you take a really big dog out for a walk?
A: A Great Dane out!
Q: Where does a Rottweiller sit in the cinema?
A: Anywhere it wants to!
Q: What did the angry man sing when he found his slippers chewed up by the new puppy?
A: "I must throw that doggie out the window!"
Q: What kind of dog does Dracula have?
A: A bloodhound!
Q: Why did the dog wear white sneakers?
A: Because his boots were at the menders!
Q: What is a dog's favorite food?
A: Anything that is on your plate!
Q: What is the only kind of dog you can eat?
A: A hot dog!
Q: What kind of dog sounds like you can eat it?
A sausage dog!
Q: What do you do if your dog eats your pen?
A: Use a pencil instead!
Shortly after a car was broads
Shortly after a car was broadsided in a busy intersection, a good Samaritan rushed to see if anyone was hurt. He saw that the driver was dazed and bleeding."Hang in there, lady," he said. "Are you badly hurt?"
"How the hell should I know?" she snapped. "I'm a doctor, not a lawyer."
When MJ's hair caught fi...
When MJ's hair caught fire, was he a Jacko Lantern?#joke #short
You Might Be A Redneck If 10
You might be a redneck if...
You've ever shot a deer from inside your house.
The first words out of your mouth every time you see friends are "Howdy!", "HEY!" or "How Y'all Doin'?" (If they respond with the same... they're a redneck too!)
You have more than two brothers named Bubba or Junior.
You've ever stolen toilet paper from a public restroom.
You clean your nails with a stick.
You prefer car keys to Q-tips.
Your Christmas cards have a copy of your butt included.
People are scared to touch your wife's bathrobe.
Your father encourages you to quit school because Larry has an opening on the lube rack.
You think a Volvo is part of a woman's anatomy.
Business One-liners 82
Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.
Life would be so much easier if we could just look at the source code.
Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so.
Logic can never decide what is possible or impossible.
Lots of folks confuse bad management with destiny.
Love letters, business contracts, and money due you always arrive three weeks late, whereas junk mail arrives the day it was sent.
Make dust or eat dust.
Make three correct guesses consecutively and you will establish yourself as an expert.
Many are called, but few are at their desks.
Many quite distinguished people have bodies similar to yours.
#joke
If A Woman Says
If a woman says she'll be ready in 15 minutes, she will be...
There's no need to remind her every half hour.
#joke #short
During the World War two, 3 pe
During the World War two, 3 people, Micheal, Sam and Ben were captured by the Germans. They will be sentenced to death by shooting, one after the other.Fortunately, Micheal came up with a plan. He told the others that the Germans were afraid of natural disasters. So he would cause them to panic, and escape while they were in confusion.
The next morning, Micheal was led to the wall. The firing squad was lined up and the Captain commanded, "Ready... Aim...", but before he could complete, Micheal shouted, "Earthquake! Earthquake!" The German soldiers panicked and Micheal escaped.
Later, the soldiers took Sam out and the firing squad were ready. The captain commanded, "Ready... Aim..." This time Sam shouted, "Flood! Flood!" Again, the soldiers panicked and this time, Sam made his escape.
Observing all this, Ben began to get the idea. "It's important to get the timing right."
Soon, it was Ben's turn. The soldiers lined up in front of him.
The captain started, "Ready..."
"Aim..."
Ben shouted, "FIRE!!! FIRE!!! "
#joke
The economy is so bad that:Con...
The economy is so bad that:Congress says they are looking into this Bernard Madoff scandal.Oh Great!! The guy who made $50 Billion disappear is being investigated by
the people who made $1.5 Trillion disappear!
#joke #short
Really funny jokes-Do not disturb
A hillbilly named Billy Bob checks into a hotel for the first time in his life, and goes up to his room. After a few minutes, he calls the desk and say, "My room does not have any exit. How do I get out?"
The reception clerk replied, "Sir, that's ridiculous. Have you looked for the door?"
Billy Bob says, "Well, there is one door to the bathroom. There's a second door to the closet. And there's another door which I have not tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
The reception clerk replied, "Sir, that's ridiculous. Have you looked for the door?"
Billy Bob says, "Well, there is one door to the bathroom. There's a second door to the closet. And there's another door which I have not tried, but it has a 'do not disturb' sign on it."
#joke
Answering Machine Message 146
(To the tune of Sidewalk Surfing by the Beach Boys:) Catch a quake and go seismo surfing with me... (Music fades.) Yo, Dudes and Dudettes! Grab your skateboard and head for the nearest epicenter, because *QUAKE'S UP*! As for me, I'm from New Jersey, so I'm gonna hide under the biggest doggone piece of furniture I can find. Leave your message at the tone, and I'll get back to you as soon as the shaking stops.
#joke
Hair pulling....
A six year old comes crying to his Mother because his little sister pulled his hair.
"Don't be angry," the Mother says, "Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."
A short while later, there's more crying, and the Mother goes to investigate.
This time the sister is bawling and her brother says...
"Now she knows."
#joke #mother
