Popular jokes (20266 to 20280)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
One wish...
A guy walking along the beach finds a bottle and picks it up.
A genie pops out and says, "Thanks for letting me out. For your kindness I will grant you one wish."
The guys says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I can't because I'm afraid to fly and ships make me deathly sick. My wish is for you to build a road from here to Hawaii."
The genie says, "I'm sorry, but I don't think I can do that. Just think of all the work involved. Think of the huge pilings we'd need to hold up that highway and how deep they would have to be to reach the bottom of the ocean. And think of all the cement that would be needed. Plus, since it's such a long span, there would have to be gas stations and rest stops along the way. No, that's just too much to ask. Impossible."
The guy says, "Well, there is one thing I've always wanted to know. I'd like to be able to understand women...what makes them laugh and cry...you know, what makes them tick."
The genie thinks a second, then asks, "You want two lanes or four?'
Hilarious jokes-Angry Birds application
A man with a piece of paper in
A man with a piece of paper in his hand comes into an office where another man is sitting next to a shredding machine."Do you know how to operate this thing?" he asks. "I have an important paper here and I want to make sure this is done right."
"Sure," the other man answers. "Just put the paper in here and press this button."
The first man does so, saying, "Great. And where do the copies come out?"
A fellow getting a shave asked...
A fellow getting a shave asked the barber if he had another razor."Why?" asked the barber, "Is there something wrong with this one?"
"I don't know," replied the customer, "But I would appreciate a chance to defend myself."
Elementary school talent shows...
Elementary school talent shows are intense. Some of the competitors really go for the juggler.Quick thinking...
One day, Bubba and Earl were driving down the road, drinking a couple of beers. The passenger, Bubba, said, "Lookey thar up ahead, Earl. It's a po-leece roadblock. We're gonna get busted fer drinkin' these here beers!"
"Don't worry, Bubba," Earl said. "We'll just pull over and finish drinkin' these beers, peel off the labels and stick 'em on our foreheads, then throw the bottles under the seat."
"What fer?" asked Bubba.
"Just let me do the talking, okay?" said Earl. They finished their beers, threw the empty bottles under the seat and slapped the labels on their foreheads.
When they reached the roadblock, the sheriff asked, "Have you boys been drinking?"
"No sir," replied Earl. "We're on the patch!"
“Each winter my uncle
“Each winter my uncle has his chimney inspected and cleaned. He does this to prepare his home for the 'flue' season!”
Due to increasing product liab
Due to increasing product liability, beer manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all beer containers:Warning: Consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.
Warning: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like a wanker.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to smash your face in.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your trousers.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with other members of the opposite sex without spitting.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may make you think you possess mystical Kung-Fu powers.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species, and/or name you can't remember)
Warning : Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may lead to traffic signs and cones appearing in your home.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that people are laughing with you.
Warning : Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to literally disappear.
What is Hell?
One day... What is Hell?
One day a man arrives at the gates of hell. Of course the poor soul gets to meet mister Devil himself. Having had a life full of sin, he gets the choice of spending eternity in either one of three rooms.
The Devil leads him to the first room. As the door opens the man sees a freezing cold chamber. A group of people stands shivering in the middle of the room, desperately trying to deny that the temperature is way below zero. Let's go to the next room, the man says, "I like eternity to be a little warmer."
The Devil takes him to the next room. In there everything is burning. Even standing outside the man feels the steaming heat. "Naaaah", he says," I don't want eternity to be that hot, let's go to the last room, Mr. Diabolo!."
The third room looks a lot more interesting. Standing in dog poop to their knees a group of peopl are drinking coffee. "Now that's nice", the man exclaims," Eternity should be nice drinking coffee. I think I'll get used to the stink. So Mr. Devil, I'd like to stay here for the next three million years!." As said, it is done. The devil leaves with his well-known sardonic smile and the man drinks coffee standing in the shit. "Not too bad", he thinks. But after a while a buzzer begins to buzz. A voice speaks through a speaker: Coffee-break is over. Go stand on your head again !
“The gourmet chef rec
“The gourmet chef received an injection for a severe allergic reaction. He got an epi-cure.”
The quickest way to a man's he...
The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.A stoner stumbles out of a party...
A stoner stumbles out of a party, and starts to walk home. One the way he bumps into a guy who is all bloody and mangled. The guy limps up to the stoner and says Call me an ambulance! The stoner looks at him for a second, smiles and says, Youre an ambulance!The show Survivor had the orig...
The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. There were no survivors, and nobody is brave enough to go to the island to retrieve the footage.A drunk guy approaches a cute ...
A drunk guy approaches a cute girl in a singles bar. “Hi Babe, how about a date? He says. “Don’t waste your time. I never go out with a perfect stranger.”“It seems we are both in luck. I’m far from perfect.”
