Popular jokes (22651 to 22665)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Good jokes-Late Patrick
Our boss, Mr. Jenkins was getting increasingly mad at him and after reprimanding him, threatened to demote him if he didn't do something about it.
So Patrick visited his doctor for advice. The doc gave him a pill and told him to take it before he went to bed. Patrick slept well, and in fact beat the alarm in the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove happily to work.
"Boss", he said, "I went to the doctor and he gave me a medicine that actually worked!"
"That's all right" said Mr. Jenkins, "But where the hell were you yesterday?"
A man and woman doing staff in
A man and woman doing staff in bed after midnight. At one point they hear a car noise and a strong brake.Woman: "Take your staff and run on the window. I think that's my husband."
The man panics, jumps out of bad, takes his clothes from all over the place, and jumps on the window.
After a while the same guy with his clothes knocks at the door: "Hey wife, I think we are a little bit stressed."
Mexican gas
What's a "feel-up"?It's what you get at a Mexican gas station.
Submitted by Curtis
Edited by Glaci
Mr. Cikoch was a biology instr...
Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define the conditions."Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this." With that she sat down red-faced.
Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."
"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."
Bill Gates In Hell
Bill Gates dies and goes to Hell. Satan greets him and says, "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions. Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a bottle of fine wine sitting on a table. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner.
Without hesitation, Bill says "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room.
Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into Lucifer.
"That was Bill Gates!" cried Lucifer. "Why did you give him the best place of all?"
"That's what everyone thinks," snickered Satan. "But the bottle has a hole in it!"
"Why the PC?", he continued ", "It's got the latest version of Windows and it's missing three keys!"
"Which three?" said Lucifer.
"Control, Alt and Delete!"
Shakespeare tried to get into
Shakespeare tried to get into acting school, but he was bard.I did you a favour and fed the
I did you a favour and fed the singer of ‘Rolling in the Deep'. It was in Philadelphia.I was on the Subway
I was on the subway, sitting on a newspaper, and a guy comes over and asks ‘Are you reading that?'
I didn’t know what to say. So I said yes. I stood up, turned the page, and sat down again.
Funny jokes-Ear to the wall
The hospital doctor would watch John do this day after day. One day, the doctor finally decided to see what John was listening to, so he put his ear up to the wall and listened. He heard nothing.
So he turned to John and said, "I don't hear anything."
John said, "Yeah, I know. It's been like that for many months now!"
Chemistry Song 14
We Three Students Of Chemistry Are
We three students of chemistry are
taking tests that we think are hard
Stoichiometry, volumes and densities
worrying all the time.
O room of wonder
room of fright
Room of thermites
blinding light:
With your energies
please don't burn us
Help us get our labs all right.
“The electrician swit
“The electrician switched careers to become a tailor because he knew how to fix shorts.”
You Might Be A Redneck If 23
You might be a redneck if...
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
You have every episode of "Hee Haw" on tape.
Your favorite hunting dog has a bigger tombstone than your grandfather.
Your masseuse uses lard.
Your wife's best shoes have steel toes.
You use your fishing license as a form of I.D.
Yo momma so stupid her latest ...
Yo momma so stupid her latest invention was a glass hammer.
Mr. Marlow was strolling ...
Mr. Marlow was strolling through the country when he saw a stable with the most beautiful horse he ever laid eyes on. It was seventeen hands high and white, with rippling muscles and a fine, flowing mane. Mr. Marlow struck a deal to buy it from the owner who did, however, pass on one key piece of information.
"We are a religious family, Mr.Marlow, and we've instilled those values in our horse. To get him to gallop you must say 'Thanks God' to get him to stop you must say 'Our Father Who Art in Heaven,"
Settling into the saddle, Marlow said " Thanks God," and the animal took off. They rode for miles; suddenly they were coming up to a cliff. Unfortunately, Marlow couldn't remember the phrase to make the animal stop and tried every Biblical passage he could think of until, just a few feet from the edge of the cliff, he shouted, " Our Father Who Art in Heaven! The animal stopped instantly. Shaking and perspiring, Marlow reached into his pocket and pulled out a handkerchief. "Thanks God," he said as he mopped his brow...
Policeman joke
"I should let you know first that I am a policeman."
"That's OK. I'll tell it really slow!"