Popular jokes (22651 to 22665)

Nothing personal....

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon."

"I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied.

"It's not a reflection on you," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been been walking in his sleep since childhood."

There are four engineers trave...

There are four engineers traveling in a car; a mechanical engineer, a chemical engineer, an electrical engineer and a computer engineer. The car breaks down. “Sounds to me as if the pistons have seized. We’ll have to strip down the engine before we can get the car working again”, says the mechanical engineer. “Well”, says the chemical engineer, “it sounded to me as if the fuel might be contaminated. I think we should clear out the fuel system.” “I thought it might be a grounding problem”, says the electrical engineer, “or maybe a faulty plug lead.” They all turn to the computer engineer who has said nothing and say: “Well, what do you think?” “Ummm perhaps if we all get out of the car and get back in again?”

A famous visitor to an asylum

A famous visitor to an asylum tries to make a phone call, but it doesn't go through. After trying to get help from the operator, without luck, the exasperated visitor shouts, "Listen, do you know who I am?!"
Calmly, the operator answers, "No, but I know WHERE you are."

A food fight is roll...

“A food fight is roll playing.”

“The man that pointed

“The man that pointed out the burning building was a fire distinguisher.”

"Cash, check or charge?" the c...

"Cash, check or charge?" the cashier asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As the woman fumbled for her wallet, the cashier noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" the cashier asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."

An American stood in London lo...

An American stood in London looking at a large building. A British boy walked by and stood beside the American.

"You know, boy," said the American, "in the States we have that kind of building too, but they are four times higher."

"Really?" replied the boy. "How sad. That is a mental hospital."

“Which illness are wi...

“Which illness are witches most prone to? Crone's disease.”

“When Darth Vader tur

“When Darth Vader turned his back on the dark side and joined a monastery he still wore black robes, out of force of habit.”

A ship without a rudder has ta

A ship without a rudder has taken a stern for the worse.

Two poor kids were invited by ...

Two poor kids were invited by a rich kid to a swimming party at his pool.

When they were changing into their swim trunks, one turned to the other and said: "Did you notice the small dicks on the rich kids?"

The other answered: "Yeah! It's probably because they have toys to play with!"

The telephone rings in the pri...

The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school.
"Hello, this is Dunn Elementary," answers the principal.
"Hi. Jimmy won't be able to come to school all next week,"
replies the voice.
"Well, what seems to be the problem with him?"
"We are all going on a family vacation," says the voice. "I hope
it is alright."
"I guess that would be fine," says the principal. "May I ask who
is calling?"
"Sure. This is my father!"

One day a rich famous man went...

One day a rich famous man went to buy a sport car from a dealership. The price of the car was $80000 and the man had only $79998 to pay.
The sales associate insisted that the price is firm and it has to be $80000.
The man came out of the store and looked around and saw a poor man begging for help. He went toward him and introduced himself and asked if he is kind enough to lend him $2. The poor man asked the reason. He replied that he is willing to buy a car. The poor man though for a moment and gave the man $4 and said: Please buy one for me too.

A patient complained to the do

A patient complained to the doctor that his hair was coming out.
"Won't you give me something to keep it in?" he begged.
"Take this," the doctor said kindly, and he handed the patient a pill box.

At the exact same time there a...

At the exact same time there are two young men on opposite sides of the earth.

One is walking a tight rope between two skyscrapers.

The other is receiving oral sex from a 98 year old woman.

They are both thinking to themselves the exact same thing.

What are they both thinking?

Don't look down!