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Corny Pick-up Lines
...Corny Pick-up Lines
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Can I borrow 50 cents? I want to call my mum and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Man answers, "Yes, do you have the energy?"
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you want to see something really swell?
Your hair is perfectly pH balanced.
Do you have 50 cents? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Ask: "Do you know what winks and makes love like a tiger?" (No?) Wink.
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Here's fifty cents .... call your housemate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
One afternoon this guy drives ...
One afternoon this guy drives down a highway to visit a nearby lake and relax. On his way to the lake, a guy dressed from head to toe in red standing on the side of the highway gestures for him to stop.The guy rolls down the window and says, "How can I help you?"
"I am the red jerk of the highway. You got something to eat?"
With a smile in his face, the guy hands a sandwich to the guy in red and drives away. Not even five minutes later, he comes across another guy. This guy is dressed fully in yellow, standing on the side and waving for him to stop.
A bit irritated, our guy stops, cranks down the window, and says, "What can I do for you?"
"I am the yellow jerk of the highway. You got something to drink?"
Hardly managing to smile this time, he hands the guy a can of Coke and stomps on the pedal and takes off again. In order to make it to the lakeside before sunset, he decides to go faster and not stop no matter what.
To his frustration, he sees another guy on the side of the road, this one dressed in blue and signaling for him to stop.
Reluctantly, our guy decides to stop one last time, rolls down his window, and yells, "Let me guess. You're the blue jerk of the highway, and just what do YOU want?"
"Driver's license and registration, please."
How is British Petroleum like ...
How is British Petroleum like speech recognition software?A senior citizen was clearing
A senior citizen was clearing out his attic when he came upon an old painting and a violin. Thinking they might be valuable, he took them to the auction house to be valued.After studying them, the appraiser said, "Mr Cooper, I have good news and I have bad news."
"What's the good news?" the senior asked.
"The good news is that you have a Stradivarius and a Picasso," replied the appraiser.
"Fantastic! What's the bad news?"
"Well sir, the bad news is that Stradivarius was a very bad painter and Picasso was no good with violins."
"You admit having broken into ...
"You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?" asked the judge."Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, your honor," replied the suspect.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking in four times!"
"Yes, your honor," sighed the suspect. "But three times my wife didn't like the color."
5 Stages of Being Dr
Stage 1 - SMARTThis is when you suddenly become an expert on every subject in the known Universe. You know you know everything and want to pass on your knowledge to anyone who will listen. At this stage you are always RIGHT. And of course the person you are talking to is very WRONG. This makes for an interesting argument when both parties are SMART.
Stage 2 - GOOD LOOKING
This is when you realise that you are the BEST LOOKING person in the entire bar and that people fancy you. You can go up to a perfect stranger knowing they fancy you and really want to talk to you. Bear in mind that you are still SMART, so you can talk to this person about any subject under the sun.
Stage 3 - RICH
This is when you suddenly become the richest person in the world. You can buy drinks for the entire bar because you have an armoured truck full of money parked behind the bar. You can also make bets at this stage, because of course, you are still SMART, so naturally you will win all your bets. It doesn't matter how much you bet 'cos you are RICH. You will also buy drinks for everyone that you fancy, because now you are the BEST LOOKING person in the world.
Stage 4 - BULLET PROOF
You are now ready to pick fights with anyone and everyone especially those with whom you have been betting or arguing. This is because nothing can hurt you. At this point you can also go up to the partners of the people who you fancy and challenge to a battle of wits or money. You have no fear of losing this battle because you are SMART, you are RICH and hell, you're BETTER LOOKING than they are anyway!
Stage 5 - INVISIBLE
This is the Final Stage of Drunkenness. At this point you can do anything because NO ONE CAN SEE YOU. You dance on a table to impress the people who you fancy because the rest of the people in the room cannot see you. You are also invisible to the person who wants to fight you. You can walk through the street singing at the top of your lungs because no one can see or hear you and because you're still SMART you know all the words.
“The carpenter purcha
“The carpenter purchased his measuring stick at a yard sale last week.”
A man was walking on the beach...
A man was walking on the beach one day, and he found a bottle half buried in the sand.He decided to open it.
Inside was a genie.
The genie said, "I will grant you three wishes and three wishes only."
The man thought about his first wish and decided, I think I want 1 million dollars transferred to a Swiss bank account.
POOF!
Next he wished for a Ferrari red in color.
POOF! There was the car sitting in front of him.
He asked for his final wish... "I wish I was irresistible to women."
POOF! He turned into a box of chocolates.
A man placed an ad in the clas
A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."The next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same: "You can have mine."
If you drink too much water yo...
If you drink too much water you can insult people. It's not very pee see.Mr. Johnson walked anxiously t...
Mr. Johnson walked anxiously to the house and knocked.When a nice old lady answered, he said sadly, Im sorry, madam, but I have some bad news. Im afraid I have run over your cat. I I would like to replace it.
The little lady looked him up and down and said, Im game, but how good are you at catching mice?
