Popular jokes (22741 to 22755)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Country Politics
A busload of politicians were driving down a country road, when suddenly the bus ran off the road and crashed into an old farmer's barn.The old farmer got off his tractor and went to investigate. Soon he dug a hole and buried the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone.
The old farmer told him he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Lordy, were they ALL dead?"
The old farmer said, "Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them crooked politicians lie."
#joke #policeman
Mother mouse and a baby mouse
Mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away."See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language".
Cocktails
“The barman named his cocktails Elijah, Ezekiel and Obadiah and spent most nights drinking the prophets.”
#joke #short
On the first day of school, th
On the first day of school, the children brought gifts for their teacher.The florist's son brought the teacher a bouquet of flowers.The candy-store owner's daughter gave the teacher a pretty box of candy.Then the liquor-store owner's son brought up a big, heavy box.The teacher lifted it up and noticed that it was leaking a little bit.She touched a drop of the liquid with her finger and tasted it."Is it wine?" she guessed.
"No," the boy replied. She tasted another drop and asked, " Champagne ?
"No," said the little boy... "It's a puppy!"
#joke #drinks #wine #champagne
Clean jokes-Healthy breakfast
Our young son made up his mind one day that he needed to eat healthier breakfasts, so he chose oatmeal as his cereal of choice.
But after eating his first bowl, he told his mother, "I hope I develop a taste for this stuff. It goes down real rough."
"Well," his mother asked, "Just how long did you cook it?"
"Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
But after eating his first bowl, he told his mother, "I hope I develop a taste for this stuff. It goes down real rough."
"Well," his mother asked, "Just how long did you cook it?"
"Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
“If you're being bot
“If you're being bothered by a profiterole, all you have to do is choux it away.”
#joke #short
“A gang of beavers ro
“A gang of beavers roamed main street last night, cutting down several trees along Main Street. Police are stumped.”
Knock Knock Collection 020
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Austin!
Austin who?
Austin corrected!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Avenue!
Avenue who?
Avenue head the good news!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Avocado!
Avocado who?
Avocado a cold!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Axel!
Axel who?
Axeldental Tourist!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Axl!
Axl who?
Axl me nicely and I might just tell you!
#joke #fruit #avocado
A man receives a call from his...
A man receives a call from his Credit Card Company, Sir, we have detected an unusual pattern of spending on your card, and we are calling to see if everything is alright.Yes, replied the man. My card was stolen over a month ago.
Why didnt you report your card as stolen? asked the card company representative.
The man replied, Well, whoever stole my card is spending a lot less than my wife!
#joke
Big boy
Adam and Dana were onbserving their new born baby boy.
"Look at the size of his thing, he sure is BIG!" said Adam.
Dana said to him in a consoling voice,"Yes sweetheart, but he does have your eyes."
"Look at the size of his thing, he sure is BIG!" said Adam.
Dana said to him in a consoling voice,"Yes sweetheart, but he does have your eyes."
#joke #short
“The second hand cloc
“The second hand clock shop had to wind up business as time ran out!”
#joke #short
Adult jokes-Feeding the Yak
A yuppie is tired of the materialistic world and decides to give everything up. He joins a monastery and enjoys the peaceful life. After having spent one year at the monastery, he is approached by the Head Monk who congratulates him for completing one year and tells him that he is now allowed to go to the hills to feed the Yak. The Yuppie agrees and the next morning he is all set to go to the hills, when an old loafer tells him he is so lucky to be making it to the hills.
The Yuppie is confused and asks the old loafer what he meant.
The old loafer says that none of them had any action for a long time and up in the hills, a Yak is the closest one could get to a woman.
The Yuppie understood and started for the hills. When he returned to the monastery after a week, the Head Monk asked him how the Yaks were doing. The Yuppie did not say anything but kept smiling. The Head Monk then asked him if he had fed all the Yaks properly, The Yuppie replied that he had forgotten to feed them.
The Head Monk got emotional and burst out, "You Yuppies are all the same, screw you Yak, I am all right!"
The Yuppie is confused and asks the old loafer what he meant.
The old loafer says that none of them had any action for a long time and up in the hills, a Yak is the closest one could get to a woman.
The Yuppie understood and started for the hills. When he returned to the monastery after a week, the Head Monk asked him how the Yaks were doing. The Yuppie did not say anything but kept smiling. The Head Monk then asked him if he had fed all the Yaks properly, The Yuppie replied that he had forgotten to feed them.
The Head Monk got emotional and burst out, "You Yuppies are all the same, screw you Yak, I am all right!"
#joke
Ear Hair
This lady found out her dog could hardly hear so she took it to the veterinarian. He found that the problem was hair in its ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could hear fine. The vet then proceeded to tell the lady that if she wanted to keep this from recurring she should go to the store and get some "Nair" hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.The lady goes to the drug store and gets some "Nair" hair remover.
At the register the druggist tells her, "If you're going to use this under your arms don't use deodorant for a few days."
The lady says: "I'm not using it under my arms."
The druggist says: "If you're using it on your legs don't shave for a couple of days."
The lady says: "I'm not using it on my legs either; if you must know, I'm using it on my schnauzer.."
The druggist says: "Stay off your bicycle for at least a week."
