Popular jokes (22831 to 22845)

“The chefs argued abo

“The chefs argued about the flatbread until they realized it was a naan issue.”

Fashion designers are ...

Fashion designers are chic magnets.

 Business One-liners 72

If you have something to do, and you put it off long enough, chances are someone else will do it for you.
If you have to ask, you are not entitled to know.
If you just try long enough and hard enough, you can always manage to boot yourself in the posterior.
If you keep anything long enough, you can throw it away.
If you keep saying things are going to be bad, you have a chance of being a prophet.
If you live in a country run by committee, be on the committee.
If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; but if you really make them think they'll hate you.
If you mess with a thing long enough, it will break.
If you plan to leave your mark in the sands of time, you better wear work shoes.
If you put it off long enough, it might go away.

"So, Jimmy," said Grandpa, as

"So, Jimmy," said Grandpa, as they stood on line at the local grocery store. "What did you learn in school today?"
"To tell you the truth," answered young Jimmy, "I'm not exactly sure. My teacher was going on and on about something called ethics, and I still don't know what she was talking about!" Jimmy replied.
"Ah, ethics," responded Grandpa, "very important indeed. Well, let's say the cashier gives me back too much change, ethics would be whether I keep the change for myself, or if I give it back to Grandma!"

Funny jokes-Glutton

The Boreal is a forest to be reckoned with.

#joke #short

A deaf mute walks into pharmac...

A deaf mute walks into pharmacy to buy condoms. He has difficulty communicating with the pharmacist, and cannot see condoms on the shelf. Frustrated, the deaf-mute finally unzips his pants, places his dick on the counter, and puts down a five dollar bill next to it.

The pharmacist unzips his pants, does the same as the deaf mute, and then picks up both bills and stuffs them in his pocket.

Exasperated, the deaf mute begins to curse the pharmacist wildly in sign language. "Look," the pharmacist says, "if you can't afford to lose, you shouldn't bet."

A duck walked into a bakery on...

A duck walked into a bakery one day and asked for a pork chop.

The baker said, "We aren't a butcher; we don't sell meat here."

So the duck left.

The following day the duck went back and asked again.

This time the Baker said, "No, if you come here again I will nail your feet
to the floor."

The following day the duck returned and asked, "Have you any nails?"

The baker replied, "No."

And the duck said, "Well, I'll have two pork chops then."

“Broken puppets for s...

“Broken puppets for sale. No strings attached.”

Confucius Say...Part 2

Confucius Say: "Man who drive like hell bound to get there."
Confucius Say: "Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement."
Confucius Say: "Women who put detergent on top shelf, jump for Joy!"
Confucius Say: "Never argue with fool...he may be doing the same thing."
Confucius Say: "Best time to buy new mattress, at first sign of spring."
Confucius Say: "Adults are just wrinkled kids who owe money."
Confucius Say: "An old grave digger is called an Elderberry."
Confucius Say: "People who have gift of gab, not know how to wrap it up."
Confucius Say: "Time flies like arrow. Fruit flies like bananas."
Confucius Say: "A man who sits on tack gets point and will surely rise."
- Joke shared by Beliefnet member Jalus

Mystery Ailment

A man went to the doctor with a mystery ailment.
The doctor asked: "Do you drink to excess?"
The man replied: "I’ll drink to anything."

80,000 blondes meet in the Kan...

80,000 blondes meet in the Kansas City Chiefs Stadium for a "Blondes Are Not Stupid" Convention.

The leader says, "We are all here today to prove to the world that blondes are not stupid. Can I have a volunteer?"

A blonde gingerly works her way through the crowd and steps up to the stage.

The leader asks her, "What is 15 plus 15?" After 15 or 20 seconds she says, "Eighteen!"

Obviously everyone is a little disappointed. Then 80,000 blondes start cheering, "Give her another chance! Give her another chance!"

The leader says, "Well since we've gone to the trouble of getting 80,000 of you in one place and we have the world-wide press and global broadcast media here, gee, uh, I guess we can give her another chance."

So he asks, "What is 5 plus 5?"

After nearly 30 seconds she eventually says, "Ninety?"

The leader is quite perplexed, looks down and just lets out a dejected sigh -- everyone is disheartened, the blonde starts crying and the 80,000 girls begin to yell and wave their hands shouting, "GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

The leader, unsure whether or not he is doing more harm than damage, eventually says, "Ok! Ok! Just one more chance -- What is 2 plus 2?"

The girl closes her eyes, and after a whole minute eventually says, "Four?". Throughout the stadium pandemonium breaks out as all 80,000 girls jump to their feet, wave their arms, stomp their feet and scream...

"GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE! GIVE HER ANOTHER CHANCE!"

Stripper and Model

Q: What do you get when you cross a stripper with a model?

A: A boner.

Deer Camp

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns. The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, 'Man, what happened to you?

Dear Pun Gents

Dear Pun Gents, My wife and I are entering in an 8 hour adventure race and need some help with a team name. The race is put on by 361 degrees and is apart of their Unbridled Adventure Race Series. Any help is appreciated. ~Matt, New Haven, IN