Popular jokes (23356 to 23370)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Gift
Upon getting to work one morning, seventy-five year old Marvin is reminded by his secretary that it's his wife's birthday today. At lunch, Marvin goes to the local mall and tries to find a gift for her.
Unfortunately, he realizes that life has been good and she has everything she needs. Upon passing a lingerie store, Marvin realizes that his wife has never bought any lingerie in her life. He gets the idea to buy his wife something sexy to make her feel good and young.
Marvin goes into the store and tells the clerk to wrap up the most expensive, sheerest negligee she has. Marvin takes the gift and excitedly runs home to his wife.
Upon finding her in the kitchen he tells her to take the gift upstairs and unwrap it. He'll wait in the kitchen. His wife thanks him and goes up to the bedroom.
Once the package is opened she realizes that this is something she has never had before. She also sees that it is so sheer it leaves nothing to the imagination. She thinks for a moment and then decides that she'll really surprise Marvin and go downstairs without any clothes on at all. So she leaves the negligee on the bed and starts down the stairs stark naked. She calls out, 'Marvin, come out to the hallway and look.'
Marvin walks out to the staircase, looks up at his wife, and exclaims, 'All that money and they didn't even iron it.'
Prayer in Schools
"As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in publicschools."
Burglar
A burglar decided to rob the safe in a store.
On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, “Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob.”
He did so. Instantly, a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises was floodlighted, and alarms started clanging.
As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning, “My confidence in human nature has been rudely shaken.”
Yo mama so black, I shot at he...
Yo mama so black, I shot at her and the bullet came back and asked for a flashlightA blonde went into a world wid...
A blonde went into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother overseas.When the man told her it would cost $300, she exclaimed: " I don't have any money. But I'd do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother".
The man arched an eyebrow (as we would expect). "Anything?" he asked.
"Yes, yes, anything" the blonde promised.
"Well then, just follow me" said the man as he walked towards the next room.
The blonde did as she was told and followed the man. "Come in and close the door" the man said. She did. He then said "Now get on your knees". She did. "Now take down my zipper". She did. "Now go ahead take it out....." he said.
She reached in and grabbed it with both hands... then paused.
The man closed his eyes and whispered "Well... go ahead".
The blonde slowly brought her mouth closer to it and while holding it close to her lips, she said...
"HELLO MOM... CAN YOU HEAR ME?"
My girlfriend and I had been d...
My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. My parents helped us in every way, my friends encouraged me, and my girlfriend? She was a dream!There was only one thing bothering me, very much indeed, and that one thing was her younger sister.
My prospective sister-in-law was twenty years of age, wore tight mini skirts and low cut blouses. She would regularly bend down when near me and I got many a pleasant view of her underwear. It had to be deliberate. She never did it when she was near anyone else. One day little sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to me that soon I was to be married, and she had feelings and desires for me that she couldn't overcome and didn't really want to overcome. She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister. I was in total shock and couldn't say a word.
She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it just come up and get me." I was stunned. I was frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. When she reached the top she pulled down her panties and threw them down the stairs at me.
I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door. I opened the door and stepped out of the house. I walked straight towards my car. My future father-in-law was standing outside.
With tears in his eyes he hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
"The moral of this story is:"
"Always keep your condoms in your car."
Talks Too Much
Eight-year-old Nina brought her report card home from school. Her marks were good, mostly A's and a couple of B's.Tell What Happened
The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole.
Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.
"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?" inquired the officer.
"Mister," exclaimed the telephone lineman, "I was at the top of the pole!"
Mouse Droppings
An eagle swoops down from the sky and eats a mouse. Three hours later, while the eagle is flying, the mouse sticks its head out of the eagles butt and asks, How high up are we?About 2,000 feet, the eagle replies.
The mouse replies, You aint sh*ttin me, are you?
The four stages of life....
1. You believe in Santa Claus2. You don't believe in Santa Claus
3. You are Santa Claus
4. You look like Santa Claus
