Popular jokes (23386 to 23400)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The razor factory is facing cu...
The razor factory is facing cuts. Everybody might get blade off.Famous Jokes
A Dinner Blessing…..
Ed, was a strictly a ‘meat-and-potatoes' man. Over the years, he's learned to like more foods, but there are still two vegetables he won't eat. His family likes to tease him about it.
One year at a holiday gathering, Ed got the last laugh when he gave this cute tongue-in-cheek blessing: Now we sit to eat what's here; we pray no green stuff will appear. No Brussels sprouts or any such
and asparagus, Lord, would be too much. But give us meat that's white or red and potatoes, corn and lots of bread. Some good brown gravy wouldn't hurt and to top it off, some pie for dessert.
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star...
Chuck Norris was in all 6 Star Wars movies...as the Force.Answering Machine Message 27
Kazoo band playing "Thus Spake Zarathustra": Thinking you were making an ordinary phone call, you have instead reached... (TA-DAAAAA!) the ANSWERING MACHINE! Leave your name and number, and we will get back to you as soon as we can.A man is in jail for a year, s
A man is in jail for a year, so to pass the time he catches a fly and teaches it to do tricks. He has it lay on it's back, jump into a matchbox, walk a little thread set up as a tightrope. He spends the whole year teaching the thing tricks.Upon his release he goes into a pub and sits down. He opens the matchbox and lets the fly out. As the fly patiently sits there, he sets up the little tightrope and everything else.
He calls the bartender over and says, "Hey bartender, see this?"
The bartender goes, "Oh, sorry mate, just a minute," and squishes the fly with a flyswatter.
Gentle Southern Woman
A very gentle Southern lady was driving across the Savannah River Bridge in Georgia one day. As she neared the top of the bridge, she noticed a young man fixin' to jump. She stopped her car, rolled down the window and said, 'Please don't jump, think of your dear mother and father.'He replied, 'Mom and Dad are both dead; I'm going to jump.'
She said, 'Well, think of your wife and children.'
He replied, 'I'm not married and I don't have any kids.'
She said, 'Well, think of Robert E. Lee.'
He replied, ''Who the hell is Robert E. Lee?''
She replied, ''Well bless your heart. You just go ahead and jump, you dumb-ass Yankee.'
The millionaire...
A rich millionaire decides to throw a massive party for his fiftieth birthday, so during this party he grabs the mic and he announces to his guests that down in the garden of his mansion he has a swimming pool with two great white sharks in it. "I will give anything they desire of mine, to the person who swims across that pool."
So the party continues with no events in the pool, until SUDDENLY, there is a great splash and all the guests of the party run to the pool to see what has happened, and in the pool is a man and he is swimming as hard as he can, and the fins come out of the water and the jaws are snapping and this guy just keeps on going and the sharks are gaining on him and this guy reaches the end and he gets out of the pool, wet and soaked!
The millionaire grabs the mic and says, "I am a man of his word, anything of mine I will give, my Ferraris, my house, absolutely anything, for you are the bravest man I have ever seen. So sir what will it be?" the millionaire asks.
The guy grabs the mic and says, "Why don't we start with the name of the idiot that pushed me in!"
Headline In The Paper
HEADLINE: A hole has appeared in the ladies changing rooms at the sports club. Police are looking into it.
A lawyer died and arrived at t...
A lawyer died and arrived at the pearly gates.To his dismay, there were thousands of people ahead of him in line to see St. Peter.
To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk at the gate and came down the long line to where the lawyer was and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer by the hands and guided him up to the front of the line and into a comfortable chair by his desk.
The lawyer said, "I don't mind all this attention, but what makes me so special?"
St. Peter replied, "Well, I've added up all the hours for which you billed your clients, and by my calculation, you must be about 193 years old!"
Goat for Dinner
The young couple invited their aged pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied.
"Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?"
"Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"
The new dads!
I was sitting in the waiting room of the hospital after my wife had gone into labor when the nurse walked out and said to a man sitting there, "Congratulations sir, you're the new father of twins!"
The man replied, "How about that! I work for the Minnesota Twins baseball team." About an hour later, the same nurse entered the waiting room and announced that Mrs. Smith had just had triplets.
Mr. Smith stood up and said, "Well, how do ya like that, I work for 3M!"
When the nurse appeared next, she told the third man that his wife had given birth to quadruplets.
"That's amazing! I work for the Four Seasons Hotel!"
At this point the gentleman sitting next to me let out a little strangled gasp and hurriedly got up, obviously distraught. When I asked him if he was okay, he explained, "I think I need a breath of fresh air." The man continued, "I'm the casting director for 101 Dalmatians."
Shaun was going for his mornin
Shaun was going for his morning walk in the Dublin quayside one day when he walked past his friend, Paddy's trailer house and saw a sign that said "Boat for Sale."This confused Shaun because he knew that old Paddy didn't even own a boat, so he decided to go in and ask about it.
"Hey Paddy," said Shaun, "I noticed the sign in your yard dat says 'Boat For Sale,' but you don't even have a boat. All you have is your old tractor and combine."
Paddy calmly replied, "Yup, and they're boat for sale."
