Popular jokes (23401 to 23415)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
No-Excuse Sunday
* Cots will be placed in the foyer for those who say, "Sunday is my only day to sleep in."
* There will be a section with lounge chairs for those who feel our pews are too hard.
* We will have steel helmets for those who say, "The roof will cave in if I ever came to church."
* Blankets will be provided for those who think, "The church is too hot."
* Fans will be provided for those who think, "The church is too cold."
* Scorecards will be available for those who wish to list the hypocrites present.
* One section will have trees and grass for those who like to seek God in nature.
* The sanctuary will be decorated with both poinsettias and Easter lilies for those who have never seen the church without them.
- Joke shared on Beliefnet's Religious Humor page.
You might be a redneck if 01
You might be a redneck if...More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.
Your home has more miles on it than your car.
I lost five pounds just by far...
I lost five pounds just by farting. Finally I see the air of my weighs.An applicant was being intervi...
An applicant was being interviewed for admission to a prominent medical school."Tell me," inquired the interviewer, "where do you expect to be ten years from now?"
"Well, let's see," replied the student. "It's Wednesday afternoon. I guess I'll be on the golf course by now."
Little Workers
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a nature history lesson.
'Worker ants,' she told them, 'can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?'
One child was ready with the answer, 'They don't have a union?'
Payback
A man walks into a bar one night. He goes up to the bar and asks for a beer.
"Certainly, sir, that'll be 1 cent."
"ONE CENT - that's awesome!" exclaimed the guy.
So the guy glances over at the menu, and he asks "Could I have a nice juicy T-bone steak, with the works?"
"Certainly, sir, "replies the bartender, but all that comes to real money."
"How much money?" inquires the guy.
"4 cents," replies the bartender.
"FOUR cents!" exclaims the guy... "Where's the Guy who owns this place?"
The bartender replies, "Upstairs with my wife."
The guy says, "What's he doing with your wife?"
The bartender replies... "Same as I'm doing to his business!"
Submitted by Glaci
Edited by calamjo
Three priests...
Three priests went to the train station to take a trip to Pittsburgh. The senior father looked to the youngest and said, "Will you go to the booth and buy the tickets for us?"
The young priest timidly replied, "Yes Father." And he headed for the ticket booth. When he gets to the window, he sees that the young woman selling tickets is wearing a VERY low cut neckline and is VERY endowed.
"Could I have three pickets to Titsburg?" he blurted. And, embarrassed, he ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened.
The senior father then asked the middle-aged father if he would go to get the tickets. "And would you please get me two nickels for a dime while you are there?" he added.
"Certainly!" the middle-aged priest replied, "I'll be right back." When he arrived at the booth, he said "I'd like three tickets to Pittsburgh, and give me two nipples for a dime." And, embarrassed, he ran back to the other two priests and told them what had happened.
The senior father was angry and said, "You two wait here, I'll go and get them myself!" And he stormed off to the ticket booth. "I would like three tickets to Pittsburgh and two nickels for a dime." he told the young woman, "And you should be ashamed of yourself, young lady. Dressing that way in a public place! Why....I'm sure that Saint Fingers is shaking his Peter at you right now!"
And he ran away......
A woman is a complicated creat...
A woman is a complicated creature. Before marriage, she expects a man, after marriage she suspects him, and after death she respects him.We believe in rights for littl
We believe in rights for little people, and vigorously defend their freedom of reach.Real Church Signs
Do not wait for the hearse to take you to church.
If you're headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.
If you don't like the way you were born, try being born again.
Looking at the way some people live, they ought to obtain eternal fire insurance soon.
