Popular jokes (23671 to 23685)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
One wish....
A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden, he said out loud, "Lord, grant me one wish."
Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."
The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to."
The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish. A wish you think would honor and glorify me."
The man thought about it for a long time. Finally, he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say 'nothing,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."
After a few minutes, God said, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge?"
A.J. Jamal: After Christmas
My mama was so cheap, she waited til after Christmas. Baby, Santa Claus missed our house. I called him, and he coming back tomorrow. She was waiting for the stuff to go on sale.Dad's turn to feed the baby....
The first-time dad was taking a turn at feeding the baby some strained peas. Naturally, there were traces of the food all over the baby.
His wife comes in, looks at the infant, then at her husband, who is just staring off into space and says, "What in the world are you doing?"
He replied, "I'm just waiting for the first coat to dry, so I can put on another."
An absent-minded academic had ...
An absent-minded academic had just moved to a new house further along the same street. All too aware of his tendency to forget things, his wife took the precaution of writing down the new address on a piece of paper before he set off for work that morning."Here's the key to our new house," she said, "and remember, don't come back here this evening, go to the new address."
"Very well, dear," he replied, and set off for work.
Inevitably in the course of the day he mislaid the slip of paper and, forgetting all about the move, he automatically returned to the old address. When he tried the key, he couldn't get in. This prompted him to remember the move and to search in his pockets for the piece of paper, which was nowhere to be found.
In desperation, he wandered along the street and stopped the first approachable young man he came across.
"Excuse me, young man, I'm Professor Richardson. You wouldn't happen to know where I live, would you?"
The boy sighed. "Come with me Dad," he said.
Man's wife asks him to go to t...
Man's wife asks him to go to the store to buy some cigarettes. So he walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her. They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3AM and says, "Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?" She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty pissed. "Where the hell have you been?!?!"
"Well, honey, its like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking chick there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with he
"Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"
She sees his hands are covered with powder and... "You God damn liar!!! You went bowling again!!!"
Knock Knock Collection 004
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahmed!
Ahmed who?
Ahmedeus Motzart!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Alaska!
Alaska who?
Alaska my friend the question then!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aida!
Aida who?
Aida lot of sweets and now I've got tummy ache!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Al!
Al who?
Al give you a kiss if you open this door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Aladdin!
Aladdin who?
Aladdin the street wants a word with you!
Knock Knock Collection 095
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iran!
Iran who?
Iran over here to tell you this!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irene!
Irene who?
Irene and Irene but still no one answers the door!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Iris!
Iris who?
Iris you were here!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irma!
Irma who?
Irma big girl now!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Isaac!
Isaac who?
Isaac'ly who do think this is?
Now that we are into renaming ...
Now that we are into renaming things like Mount Diablo, President Obama wants to rename the San Andreas Fault. His suggestion, Bush's Fault.Q: Why can't idiots make Kool-...
Q: Why can't idiots make Kool-Aid?A: They can't get a quart of water to stay in the envelope
Try to explain women #joke #humor
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions."Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
