Popular jokes (24136 to 24150)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
The Romans used devastating wo
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.What do bad Eskimos get in the
What do bad Eskimos get in their stockings for Xmas?Internet Highway Blues
The Information Highway Blues
My baby's got my 486.
My cellular phone's on the blink.
My fax's gone off to fax heaven,
And Pay For View stinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues.
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
I lost my account on the Internet.
My email's been revoked.
My modem's stuck at 300 baud,
And my terminal just blinks.
I got the blues, I got the Information Highway bluuuuues .
I got the bluuuuues, I got the Information Highway blues.
My head spins from Virtual Reality.
I don't have Video on demand.
I can't read my Personal Newspaper,
And Shop At Home has kinks.
I missed the on-ramp, to the Information Highway bluuuues.
I missed the onnnn-ramp, to the Information Highway blues.
Jack "Blues" Jung, Toronto, September 1994.
Tourist in DC
A tourist climbed out of his hire-car in downtown Washington, D.C.
He was intent on visiting the White House and take in the city’s other world-famous sights, but he felt hungry so he decided to pop into a store to buy himself a snack.
As he pulled up to the curb outside the store, he saw a well-to-do man standing on the sidewalk.
He said to him: “Listen, I’m going to be only a couple of minutes.
Would you watch my car while I run into this store?”
“What?” the man huffed. “Do you realize that I am a member of the United States Senate?”
“Well no,” the tourist said, “I didn’t realize that.
But it’s all right. I’ll trust you anyway.”
Business One-liners 71
If you do not know what you're doing, do it neatly.
If you do not like the answer, you shouldn't have asked the question.
If you do not make dust, you eat dust.
If you do not say it, they can't repeat it.
If you do not understand it, it must be intuitively obvious.
If you explain so clearly that no one can possibly misunderstand, someone will.
If you file it, you'll know where it is but never need it. If you don't file it, you'll need it but never know where it is.
If you have always done it that way, it is probably wrong.
If you have got them by the testicles, their hearts and minds will follow.
If you have nothing to do, don't do it here.
Back to Back
Last night, my wife and I watched two movies back to back.
Fortunately for me, I was the one who was facing the television.
In the '70s, where did m
In the '70s, where did music go to die? A: The ABBAtoir.Business one-liners 62
If a straight line fit is required, obtain only two data points.If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail.
If an experiment works, you must be using the wrong equipment.
If an item is advertised as "under $50", you can bet it's not $19.95.
If anything can go wrong, it will.
If anything is used to its full potential, it will break.
If at first you do succeed, try to hide your astonishment.
If at first you don't succeed, blame it on your supervisor.
If at first you don't succeed, cheat!
If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
Most comedians live im...
Most comedians live improverty.Two Angry Neighbors
Two neighbors had been fighting each other for nigh on four decades. Bob buys a Great Dane and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. For one whole year Bill ignores the dog.
So Bob then buys a cow and teaches it to use the bathroom in Bill's yard. After about a year and a half of Bob's cow crapping in Bill's yard; being ignored all the while, a semi pulls up in front of Bill's house.
Bob runs over and demands to know what's in the 18-wheeler.
'My new pet elephant,' Bill replies solemly.
I set fire to a talk show host...
I set fire to a talk show host. I was charged with Arsenio.I Am Going To Shop
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
