Popular jokes (25351 to 25365)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
You don't need an epidural! Ju...
You don't need an epidural! Just relax and enjoy the moment.My First Irish Drink With My Son
I got him a Guinness. He didn't like it, so I drank it.Then I got him a Kilkenny, he didn't like that either, so I drank it.
It was the same with the Murphy’s and the Harps’s.
I thought maybe he'd like whiskey better than beer so we tried a Bushmills, nope!
By the time I realized he just didn't like to drink I was so shit-faced I could hardly push the stroller back home!
Jill's car was unreliable and
Jill's car was unreliable and she called John for a ride every time it broke down. One day John got yet another one of those calls."What happened this time?" he asked.
"My brakes went out," Jill said. "Can you come to get me?"
"Where are you?" John asked.
"I'm in the drugstore," Jill responded.
"And where's the car?" John asked.
"It's right here, with me."
A drunk was staggering down th...
A drunk was staggering down the main street of town. Somehow, he managed to make it up the stairs to the cathedral and into the building, where he crashed from pew to pew. He finally made his way to a side aisle and into a confessional. A priest had been observing the man's sorry progress. Figuring the fellow was in need of some assistance, he proceeded to enter his side of the confessional. His attention was rewarded only by a lengthy silence. Finally he asked, "May I help you, my son?" "I dunno." came the drunk's voice from behind the partition. "You got any toilet paper on your side?"You Might Be A Redneck If 47
You might be a redneck if...
On your first date you had to ask your Dad to borrow the keys to the tractor.
Your parakeet knows the phrase "Open up, Police!"
You saved lots of money on your honeymoon by going deer hunting.
In tough situations you ask yourself, "What would Curly do?"
Taking your wife on a cruise means circling the Dairy Queen.
You think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Play Ball..."
You have a color coordinating rope that ties down your car hood.
You bring your dog to work with you.
Your grandmother can correctly execute the sleeper hold.
You've ever held somebody up with a caulk gun.
The Elderly Italian
The elderly Italian man went to his parish priest and asked if the priest would hear his confession.
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
"That's a wonderful thing, my son, and nothing that you need to confess," said the priest.
"It's worse, Father; I was weak, and told her that she had to pay for rent of the attic with her sexual favors," continued the old man.
"Well, it was a very difficult time, and you took a large risk - you would have suffered terribly at their hands if the Germans had found you hiding her; I know that God, in his wisdom and mercy, will balance the good and the evil, and judge you kindly," said the priest.
"Thanks, Father," said the old man. "That's a load off of my mind. Can I ask another question?"
"Of course, my son," said the priest.
The old man asked, "Do I need to tell her that the war is over?"
The twins....
A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen,on the twins' birthday their father loaded the pessimist's room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimist's room he loaded with horse manure.
That night the father passed by the pessimist's room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly.
"Why are you crying?" the father asked.
"Because my friends will be jealous, I'll have to read the all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I'll constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin.
Passing the optimist twin's room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked.
To which his optimist twin replied, "There's got to be a pony in here somewhere!"
What A Large Crowd
A man was traveling down a country road when he saw a large group of people outside a house. He stopped and asked a person why the large crowd was there.
A farmer replied, "Joe's mule kicked his mother-in-law and she died."
"Well," replied the man, "she must have had a lot of friends."
"Nope," said the farmer, "we all just want to buy his mule."
Rocky...
One Halloween a trick-or-treater came to my door dressed as "Rocky" in boxing gloves and satin shorts. Soon after I gave him some goodies, he returned for more. "Aren't you the same 'Rocky' who left my doorstep several minutes ago?" I asked.
"Yes," he replied, "but now I'm the sequel. I'll be back three more times tonight too."
On Time for Church
A member of our church choir arrives every Sunday morning with her seven children in tow, all a bit rumpled but never the less on time.
Scarcely able to get my one child ready, I asked her how she managed her brood so efficiently.
"Easy," she replied with a smile. "I dress them the night before."
Three guys enter a club one ni
Three guys enter a club one night, whilst sitting down, sipping on their drinks, a stripper comes over and offers a lap dance.One of the guys decides to show off to his friends so he takes out a £10 note, licks it and sticks it on one of the stripper's bum cheeks.
The other guy, not wanting to feel left out take a £50 note and also licks it and sticks it on the stripper's other bum cheek.
The last guy, being so drunk, takes out his credit card instead and swipes it down the stripper's butt crack, takes both the money and runs out of the door.
“When the off-duty co
“When the off-duty copper fell into an electroplating bath, his mettle was galvanized by a sudden zincing feeling and he knew his mass was brass.”
