Popular jokes (25366 to 25380)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Shark!
There is this atheist swimming in the ocean. All of a sudden he sees a shark in the water, so he starts swimming furiously towards his boat.As he looks back, he sees the shark turn and head towards him. He's scared to death, and as he sees the jaws of the great white beast open, revealing its horrific teeth, the atheist screams, "Oh God! Save me!"
In an instant, time is frozen and a bright light shines down from above. The man is motionless in the water when he hears the voice of God say, "You are an atheist. Why do you call upon me when you do not believe in me?"
Confused, and knowing he can't lie, the man replies, "Well, that's true I don't believe in you, but how about the shark? Can you make the shark believe in you?"
The Lord replies, "As you wish," and the light retracts back into the heavens. The man feels the water move once again.
As the atheist looks back, he can see the jaws of the shark start to close down on him, when all of sudden the shark stops and pulls back.
Shocked, the man watches as the huge beast closes its eyes, bows its head and says, "Thank you Lord for this food which I am about to receive..."
A teacher was giving a lesson
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.""Yes," the class said.
"Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet ain't empty."
Three guys enter a club one ni
Three guys enter a club one night, whilst sitting down, sipping on their drinks, a stripper comes over and offers a lap dance.One of the guys decides to show off to his friends so he takes out a £10 note, licks it and sticks it on one of the stripper's bum cheeks.
The other guy, not wanting to feel left out take a £50 note and also licks it and sticks it on the stripper's other bum cheek.
The last guy, being so drunk, takes out his credit card instead and swipes it down the stripper's butt crack, takes both the money and runs out of the door.
Miss Annabell had just returne
Miss Annabell had just returned from her big trip to New York City and was having refreshments on the front porch of her daddy's mansion with her southern belle friends. She tells them the stories of her trip as they stare spellbound. "You just wouldn't believe what they have there in New York City," says Miss Annabell. "They have men there who kiss other men on the lips."Miss Annabell's friends fan themselves and say, "Oh my! Oh my!"
"They call them homosexuals," proclaims Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my," proclaim the girls as they fan themselves.
"They also have women there in New York City who kiss other women on the lips!"
"Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls. "What do they call them?" they ask.
"They call them lesbians," says Miss Annabell.
"They also have men who kiss women between the legs, there in New York City," sighs Miss Annabell.
"Oh my! Oh my! Oh my," exclaim the girls as the sit on the edge of their chairs and fan themselves even faster.
"What do they call them?" they ask in unison.
Miss Annabell leans forward and says in a hush, "Why when I caught my breath, I called him Precious."
Very funny jokes-Theft is same store
The cops, while investigating a theft in a readymade garments store, caught the thief and were interrogating him. They asked the thief why did he steal in the same store 4 times.
Bob the thief confessed that the first time he stole an expensive gown, he gifted it to his wife. He added, "You know how women are! I had to go back three times to change it!"
The Power of Interpretation
Several centuries ago, the Pope decreed that all the Jews had to convert to Catholicism or leave Italy .. There was a huge outcry from the Jewish community, so the Pope offered a deal. He'd have a religious debate with the leader of the Jewish community. If the Jews won, they could stay in Italy ; if the Pope won, they'd have to convert or leave.Q. How does Bill Gates enter h...
Q. How does Bill Gates enter his house?A. He uses "windows".
A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:
If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons?Timmy's Test Paper
Teacher: “I hope I didn’t see you looking at Timmy’s test paper?”
Little Johnny: ”I hope you didn't see me either!”
The farmer met his kin at the ...
The farmer met his kin at the railroad station. “Uncle, I’m mighty glad to see you, he greeted. “That crate of chickens you sent me bust open just as I was going to take ‘em out and they ran all over the place. I chase ‘em through my neighbor’s yard and only got back eleven.” “You did okay,” said uncle. “I only sent you six.”And God created woman...
Adam was walking around the Garden of Eden feeling very lonely, so God asked Adam, "What is wrong with you?" Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said he was going to give him a companion and it would be a woman.
He said, "This person will cook for you and wash your clothes, she will always agree with every decision you make. She will bear you children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. She will not nag you and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will never have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever needed."
Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"
God said, "An arm and a leg."
Adam said "What can I get for just a rib?"
....The rest is history
Kissing a model...
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her.
She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said.
"I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore.
"Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?"
"Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
