Popular jokes (421 to 435)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased...
A woman is sitting at her recently deceased husband’s funeral. A man leans in to her and asks, “Do you mind if I say a word?“No, go right ahead”, the woman replies.
The man stands, clears his throat, says “Plethora”, and sits back down.
“Thanks”, the woman says, “that means a lot”.
Bathroom Door
Danny, caught off-guard, yells at his roommate, "Dude! Why are you taking a bath with the bathroom door open?"
His roommate David replies, "I'm making sure no one is looking at me through keyhole."
6 Good jokes for Happy Friday
I am looking for someone to brush their teeth with me...
I just found out that 9 out of 10 dentists say brushing alone won't reduce cavities
My son asked if I was named after my dad.
I said, "of course I was, he was born many years before me."
When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit covered in bee stings and smelling like honey...
You know she's a keeper.
People always ask where is Bigfoot? But never ask How is Bigfoot?
Yeti never complains
A friend told me he doesn't let his kids watch orchestra performances
cuz there's too much sax and violins.
My friend asked me if I had ever tried blindfolded archery. I replied that I hadn't.
He said, "It's great. You don't know what you're missing!
Who pushed the forward button on my weekend
Alright… Who pushed the forward button on my weekend? Teeth down there
A little boy is waiting for his mom to come out of the changing room while shopping with her.The little boy gets bored and when his mom comes out, she finds him sliding his hand up a dummy's skirt.
"GET YOUR HAND OUT OF THERE!" she shouts. "DON'T YOU KNOW THAT WOMEN HAVE TEETH DOWN THERE!"
The little boy quickly snatches his hand away and thanks his lucky stars that nothing serious happened.
So, for the rest of his life, this poor little boy grows up thinking that all women have teeth down below.
By the time he reaches 16, he finds himself a girl. One night, while her parents were out of town, she invites him over for a little action.
After a few hours of making out and grinding on the sofa, she asks him to go a bit further.
"What do you mean?" he asks.
"Well, why don't you put your hand down there?" while pointing to her privates.
"HELL NO!" he cries. "You've got teeth down there."
"What?? No I don't," she responds.
"Yes you do," he says. "My mom told me that you do."
"No I don't," she insists. "Here, look for yourself." With that, she pulls down her pants and gives him a little peek.
"No I'm sorry" he says. "My mom already told me that all women have teeth down there."
"Oh for crying out loud!" she screams. With that, she whips off her panties, throws her legs behind her head, and says, "Look, I don't have any teeth down there."
He replies, "Well, with the condition of those gums I'm not surprised."
If the Magi Were Women...
You know what would have happened if there had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise MEN, don’t you?The three wise WOMEN would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the Baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and given practical gifts.
An Irish Girl comes back home...
An Irish Girl comes back home for New Year's Eve. Her father asked, "Where have you been all this time? Why did you not write to us, not even a line? Why didn't you call?"The girl crying replied, "Dad, I became a prostitute."
"Whaaa!!? Out of here you shameless harlot! You're a disgrace to this family."
"OK, daddy. If that's your wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £4 million. For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for you daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that's parked outside plus a membership to the country club and an invitation for you all to spend a fun New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and..."
"Now what was it ye said you had become, again?" says dad.
Girl, crying again, "A prostitute dad!"
"Oh! You scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said a Protestant. Come here and give your old man a hug!"
Really funny jokes-Timbuktu
Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited
'Through the desert all night
we ride on camels
walking two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.'
Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldn't beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said,
'Tim and I,
a hunting went,
we came upon three women in a tent.
Since they were three and we were two,
I buk one and Timbuktu!'
A 17-year-old boy, who works part-time at Pizza Hut...
A 17-year-old boy, who works part-time at Pizza Hut, pulls up to his house in a stunning Porsche. His parents are immediately suspicious, knowing there's no way his after-school job could have paid for such an expensive car. "Where did you get that car?" they shout, astonished.
"I bought it today," the boy replies calmly.
"With what money?" his mom demands. "We know how much a Porsche costs, and there's no way you can afford it!"
The boy shrugs. "It’s used, and I got a great deal. I only paid $20 for it."
His parents are even more shocked. "Who would sell a Porsche for $20?!"
"The woman up the street," the boy explains. "She just moved in. I delivered a pizza to her, and she offered to sell me the Porsche for $20."
Baffled, his parents rush to the neighbor’s house, ready for an explanation. They find her calmly planting flowers in her yard. "I'm the father of the boy you sold a Porsche to for $20," the dad says. "We need to know why you sold it so cheap!"
The woman, without looking up, responds, "I got a call from my husband this morning. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it turns out he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't plan on coming back."
The boy's mom, still confused, asks, "But what does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?"
With a satisfied smile, the woman replies, "My husband told me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money—so I did."
A One Exhibit Zoo
I went to the zoo.
There was only ONE exhibit in the entire zoo.
It was a Shih Tzu.
17 Yoga jokes for International Yoga Day
Jun the 21st is International Yoga Day! Celebrate it with few Yoga jokes!
1. I recently took up yoga, and the instructor asked me how flexible I am…
I said: I can only do Fridays.
2. I'm trying to write this pun about yoga.
But it's just not working out. It just seems a stretch.
3. What does the yoga teacher want for their birthday?
All they want is your presence.
4. Where do you go if you can't afford yoga classes?
The omless shelter.
5. Why is the pear so good at yoga?
He's got a great core.
6. What did the yogi tell his dog?
Nama, stay!
7. What do you do when a yoga guru goes missing?
Nothing. They'll find themself.
8. What's a pirate's least favorite yoga move?
The plank pose.
9. What do an ambulance and a yoga class have in common?
They both contain stretchers.
10. I did an amazing yoga pose over this stream created from acidic rainfall yesterday.
I think it's called a bridge over troubled water . . .
11. Why is it easy to make an appointment with a yoga teacher?
They're just so flexible.
12. I run a meditation and yoga studio for angry donkeys.
It's called "peace of ass".
13. Why did the yogi return the vacuum cleaner?
It came with too many attachments.
14. What happens if you kill a yoga teacher before the start of class?
You get charged with premeditated murder.
15. Why are weightlifters so good at yoga?
They have great flex-ability
16. Why did the yogi refuse anesthetic at the dentist?
He wanted to transcend-dental-medication!
17. I got chucked out of yoga class yesterday.
Apparently, I misinterpreted the Half-Moon Pose.
Canine tooth
A dog and a cat are having an argument about which one a human prefers.
The dog says, "Humans like us more. They have even named a tooth after us!"
The cat smiles and says, "You are really not going to win this one you know!"
A Termite walks into a bar
And says is the bar tender here
Beatles Jokes
June 25th is Global Beatles Day! Find some jokes about Beatles!
Why did the Beatles stop inviting Ringo to their barbecue?
Because he always took the drumsticks!
How can you tell if you have an authentic Beatles shirt?
When it has a Ringo round the collar.
What is John Lennon’s favorite time?
9:10 because it’s one after 909.
What do you call a man who hangs out with a lot of musicians?
Ringo Starr.
#globalbeatlesday #beatlesday
