Popular jokes (451 to 465)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
A 17-year-old boy, who works part-time at Pizza Hut...
A 17-year-old boy, who works part-time at Pizza Hut, pulls up to his house in a stunning Porsche.His parents are immediately suspicious, knowing there's no way his after-school job could have paid for such an expensive car. "Where did you get that car?" they shout, astonished.
"I bought it today," the boy replies calmly.
"With what money?" his mom demands. "We know how much a Porsche costs, and there's no way you can afford it!"
The boy shrugs. "It’s used, and I got a great deal. I only paid $20 for it."
His parents are even more shocked. "Who would sell a Porsche for $20?!"
"The woman up the street," the boy explains. "She just moved in. I delivered a pizza to her, and she offered to sell me the Porsche for $20."
Baffled, his parents rush to the neighbor’s house, ready for an explanation. They find her calmly planting flowers in her yard. "I'm the father of the boy you sold a Porsche to for $20," the dad says. "We need to know why you sold it so cheap!"
The woman, without looking up, responds, "I got a call from my husband this morning. I thought he was on a business trip in Florida, but it turns out he ran off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't plan on coming back."
The boy's mom, still confused, asks, "But what does that have to do with selling our son a Porsche for $20?"
With a satisfied smile, the woman replies, "My husband told me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money—so I did."
13 Yoga jokes to celebrate International Yoga Day
United Nations proclaimed 21 June as the International Day of Yoga! Have fun with Yoga Jokes!
1. Why do vegetable lovers love practicing yoga regularly?
They always want to find their inner peas.
2. How did my instructor know I was serious about yoga?
I told her I would be as flexible as possible.
3. I didn't believe yoga would fix my posture…
But I stand corrected.
4. What did the instructor say when her yoga student couldn't touch her toes?
She said, "Yoga-to try harder tomorrow".
5. Why did the bagel struggle in yoga class?
It couldn't find its center.
6. I've been practicing yoga for decades.
Yep, it's been a pretty long stretch.
7. What do you call a bagel that has mastered yoga?
A pretzel.
8. What is the most romantic yoga pose?
Pro-pose.
9. Why does everyone love yoga teachers?
They bend over backward for you.
10. What do you say at the end of a squirrel yoga class?
Nutmaste.
11. What do a cow walking backward and a yogi have in common?
They both say oooooom.
12. How does the yogi order a pizza?
Make me one with everything!
13. I'm worried I'm not that good at yoga.
Some days, I feel like just a poser.
20 fresh jokes for Thanksgiving 2020
Q: What always comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
A: The G.
Q: Why did the turkey refuse dessert?
A: He was already stuffed.
Q: The day after the holiday, what did the fridge say when it was asked, "Is everything al-right over here?"?
A: "No, everything is all left-over here!"
Q: Why was the turkey asked to join a band?
A: He could bring his own drumsticks.
Q: If Pilgrims traveled on the Mayflower, what do college students travel on?
A: Scholar ships.
Q: What don't you want to wear to Thanksgiving dinner?
A: A white shirt or high-waisted pants.
Q: What do you call the age of a Pilgrim?
A: A pilgrimage.
Q: What kind of key can't open doors?
A: A tur-key.
Q: Why did the farmer have to separate the chicken and the turkey?
A: He sensed fowl play.
Q: What happened to the turkey that got in a fight?
A: He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Q: What do you get when you cross a turkey with an octopus?
A: Finally enough drumsticks for everyone at Thanksgiving.
Q: Why does this Native Indian chief put on a lot of feathers?
A: To help keep their wigwam.
Q: What is the real key to the perfect thanksgiving dinner?
A: The turKEY.
Q: On which side the turkey has got the majority of feathers?
A: The outside.
Q: How will you make the turkey float?
A: You will need a few root beer, two scoops of delicious ice cream, and the turkey.
Q: Is it possible for the turkey to jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Yes, because a building cannot jump anyway.
Q: What is the type of vegetable that you would like on this Thanksgiving?
A: Beets me!
Q: What is the type of potatoes that go oui-oui-buzz-buzz?
A: French flies.
Q: Why do the cranberries change red?
A: When they saw the turkey dressing!
Q: At what time the turkey soup can be bad for yourself?
A: In case if you are that turkey!
Please stand up
One day a college professor of Psychology was greeting his new college class. He stood up in front of the class and said, "Would everyone who thinks he or she is stupid please stand up?"
After a minute or so of silence, a young man stood up.
"Well, good morning. So, you actually think you're a moron?" the professor asked.
The kid replied, "No sir, I just didn't want to see you standing there all by yourself."
If the Magi Were Women...
You know what would have happened if there had been three wise WOMEN instead of three wise MEN, don’t you?The three wise WOMEN would have asked for directions, arrived on time, helped deliver the Baby, cleaned the stable, made a casserole, and given practical gifts.
That wife of mine is a liar
That wife of mine is a liar said the angry husband to a sympathetic palseated next to him in the bar."How do you know?" the friend asked.
"She didn't come home last night and when I asked her where she'dbeen, she said she had spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
"So?"
"So she's a liar. I spent the night with her sister, Shirley."
Really funny jokes-Timbuktu
Well the Aggiess started laughing the minute the word was uttered but Harvard just smiled and prepared their short rhyme. One Harvard student stood up and for his group recited
'Through the desert all night
we ride on camels
walking two by two,
Destination Timbuktu.'
Well the crowd politely applauded - they knew the Aggies couldn't beat that and the Aggies just continued laughing throughout the whole process. One Aggie stopped giggling long enough to stand and read the team's effort. He said,
'Tim and I,
a hunting went,
we came upon three women in a tent.
Since they were three and we were two,
I buk one and Timbuktu!'
Clean jokes funny-The Piano tuner
So he asked around, and was told that Earl Opporknockity was the best piano tuner in the area. The man called Earl and hired him to tune his piano.
Earl had a keen ear and a deft touch, and did a wonderful job tuning the old piano. The man was able to play beautiful music once again, and was very pleased.
After a year or so the old piano started producing sour notes again. So the man called Earl, and asked him to come work his magic on the old piano again.
To the man's surprise, Earl refused, saying "Sorry, I can't accept the job."
"Why not?" the man wanted to know. "I'll pay you twice as much as last time if you'll just come tune my piano."
"Haven't you heard?" Earl asked, "Opporknockity only tunes once."
Sleeves on fire
I recently found myself in what could be considered one of the most foolish situations of my life. I went out to light my cigarette, It was a cold Fall day, so I was wearing one of my worn-out hoodies. As I attempted to light the cigarette using a torch lighter, I caught the hoodie's sleeve on fire.
Initially, I didn't realize what had happened, but when I noticed the flames spreading, panic set in. My instinctive reaction was to try and extinguish the fire by using my other hand. Which, unfortunately, led to the second sleeve catching fire as well. At this point, I found myself with both sleeves ablaze and the fire starting to spread.
While there may have been several rational solutions, I was too lost in the moment to consider them. The thought of removing the hoodie crossed my mind, but with both my arms in flames, it seemed impossible. So, I opted for a rather foolish tactic of flailing around desperately in an attempt to put out the fire, which only just made it worse.
In a panic, I rushed into the nearest building for assistance, which happened to be the bank where I had recently deposited some funds. I entered, hoping to find help, but before I could say a word, security guards forcefully tackled me to the ground and threw me out of the building.
Because you can't bring firearms into a bank.
Credit: FireWater107 reddit user, from Dad Jokes subreddit
An elderly lady was stopped to...
An elderly lady was stopped to pull into a parking space when a young man in his new red Mercedes went around her and parked in the space she was waiting for. The little old lady was so upset that she went up to the man and said, "I was going to park there!" The man said, "That's what you can do when you're young and bright."
Well, this really upset the lady even more, so she got in her car and backed it up and then she stomped on the gas and plowed right into his Mercedes.
The young man ran back to his car and asked, "What did you do that for?"
The little old lady smiled and told him, "That's what you can do when you're old and rich!"
Pierced Nipple
At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me.
On a related note…
I suck at darts.
