Popular jokes (6331 to 6345)

If you overcook the lettuce-wr

If you overcook the lettuce-wrapped mutton, I'll burn ewe in a veggie.

Logging In

Just once, I want a username and password prompt to say: "Close Enough."

A fire fighter is working on t

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

Second Honeymoon

The old couple were planning to go on a second honeymoon for their 50th wedding anniversary. The old woman said, "We will go to all the same places that we did on our first honeymoon."

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"We will do all the things that we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"Uh huh," said the old man.

"And we will make love like we did on our first honeymoon," said the old woman.

"That's right," said the old man, "except this time I get to sit on the side of the bed and cry, 'It's too big, it's too big!'"

The brightest dog

Two dog owners were bragging about the intelligence of their pets. “The brightest dog I ever had,” said one, “was a Great Dane that used to play cards. He was great at poker, but finally a friend complained about him and I had to get rid of him.”

“You got rid of him, a bright dog like that?” exclaimed his friend. “A dog like that would be worth millions.”

“Had to,” the first man replied. “I caught him cheating.”

KZ Country Cheesy Joke of the Day

My Cheating Letters

My girlfriend is furious with me because she found a bunch of hidden letters that revealed I was cheating on her.
Now she refuses to play Scrabble at all.

No Church

I have always questioned if Jessie Jackson and Al Sharpton were really preachers since they have no church.

When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Houston Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about..........

I sat down and Sharpton came up to me, I don't know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church.

He laid his hands on my hand and said: "By the will of Jesus the Lord All Mighty, and the will of God, you will walk today."

I told him I was not paralyzed.

He came back and laid his hands on me again, and repeated the same thing.  Again I told him there is nothing wrong with me.

After the sermon I stepped outside and lo and behold, my f!**king car had been stolen!

Burglar's secret

A man walks into a police station and asks to speak to the burglar who broke into his house the night before.

"I’m sorry sir, but you'll get your chance in court,” says the duty officer.

“No, you don’t understand,” says the man. “I want to know how he got in the house without waking the wife. I've been trying to do that for years.”

Why Isn't the Line Moving? – From the Blonde Files

At a store, a Blonde lady stood in line waiting to pay for her items.
Three men stood before her in the line. After 15 minutes she realized that the line wasn't moving at all.
She shouted at the cashier, 'Is this line going to take all day long?'
The cashier replied, 'Please step aside ma'am and come here. You are standing behind three mannequins.'

Roast Beef and Pea Soup

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.

In Love

The pretty teacher was concerned with one of her eleven-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she asked, "Little Johnny, why has your school work been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked, "With whom?"
"With YOU!" he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently, "don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly, "I'll use a rubber!"    

History of Math in America

Last week I purchased a drink at Burger King for $1.58. The counter girl took my 2 one dollar bills. I then pulled 8 cents from my pocket and gave it to her. She stood there, holding the nickel and 3 pennies, while looking at the screen on her register. I sensed her discomfort and tried to tell her to just give me two quarters, but she hailed the manager for help. Why do I tell you this?
Because of the evolution in teaching math since the 1950s:
1. Teaching Math In The 1950s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price. What is his profit?
2. Teaching Math In The 1960s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is 4/5 of the price, or $80. What is his profit?
3. Teaching Math In The 1970s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80. Did he make a profit?
4. Teaching Math In The 1980s
A logger sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is $80 and his profit is $20. Your assignment: underline the number 20.
5. Teaching Math In 1990s
A logger cuts down a beautiful forest because he is selfish and inconsiderate and cares nothing for the habitat of animals or the preservation of our woodlands. He does this so he can make a profit of $20. What do you think of this way of making a living? Topic for class participation after answering the question: How did the birds and squirrels feel as the logger cut down their homes? (There are no wrong answers, and if you feel like crying, it's ok.)
6. Teaching Math In The 2000s
Same question as number 5 but if you have special needs or just feel you need assistance because of race, color, religion, sex, age, childhood memories, criminal background, then don't answer and the correct answer will be provided for you.
7. Teaching Math In 2011
Un hachero vende una carrtada de maderapara 100 pesos. El costo de la producciones es 80 pesos. Cuanto dinero ha hecho?

Little behind

Q. Why can you always win a race with Michael Jackson?

A. Because he always likes to come in a little behind.

An elderly, wealthy woman in F

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.
Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.
"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"
The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied, "The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."

Light bulb jokes-Nurses

How many nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
None, as they simply have a nursing assistant to do it.
As many as the doctor orders.
How many triage nurses does it take to change a light bulb?
One, but the bulb will have to spend five hours in the waiting room.