Popular jokes (9001 to 9015)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Personal ad
SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm a very good looking girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods, riding in your pickup truck, hunting, camping and fishing trips, cosy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight dinners will have me eating out of your hand. Rub me the right way and watch me respond. I'll be at the front door when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me. Kiss me and I'm yours. Call (404) 875-6420 and ask for Daisy.
Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the Atlanta Humane Society about an 8-week old black Labrador retriever dog.
Signs Your Burned Out
"Top Ten Signs You Are 'Burned Out' Because of Work"
- You're so tired you now answer the phone, "Hell."
- Your friends call to ask how you've been, and you immediately scream, "Get off my back, jerk!"
- Your garbage can IS your "in" box.
- You wake up to discover your bed is on fire, but go back to sleep because you just don't care.
- You have so much on your mind, you've forget often how to think.
- Visions of the upcoming weekend help you make it through ...er.... Monday.
- You sleep more at work than at home.
- You leave for a party and instinctively take your ID badge.
- Your Day Timer exploded a week ago.
- You think about how relaxing it would be if you were in jail right now.
Looks are deceiving...
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist.
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."
Ancestry
"My ancestry goes back all the way to Alexander the Great," said Christine. She then turned to Miriam and asked, "How far back does your family go?"
"I don't know," replied Miriam, "all of our records were lost in the flood."
One line jokes-Contortionist
Andre Kelley: Adult Table
This was a really, really big year for me. I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults table. Thats cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.Your mama is so ugly that when
Your mama is so ugly that when I told her to do the robot, R2-D2 got herpes.Q: What the difference between
Q: What the difference between your first and second honeymoon?A: Niagara and Viagra.
A dietitian was once addressin
A dietitian was once addressing a large audience in Chicago:"The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of ussitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Soft drinks erode your stomachlining. Chinese food is loaded with MSG. Vegetables can be disastrous, andnone of us realizes the long-term harm caused by the germs in our drinkingwater.
"But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all and we all haveeaten or will eat it. Can anyone here tell me what food it is that causesthe most grief and suffering for years after eating it?"
A 75-year-old man in the front row stood up and said, "Wedding cake."
A Taxi Driver and a Priest Die…
He waits for a long time and finally goes to St. Peter and asks: "Why could that taxi driver go to the highest level of heaven and I, who all my life spoke about God, have to wait for such a long time?"
St. Peter replies: "When you were speaking to the people at your church, everybody was sleeping. But when that taxi driver was driving, everybody prayed!"
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?...
Q: Why is diarrhea hereditary?A: It runs in your genes.
A Collection Of Insults
A brief synopsis... When you're at a loss for words but want to tell someone that he or she is stupid, remember some these quips from our collection here at Aha! Jokes.Gets his orders from another planet.
Gets hypnotized on the de-spun section.
Gets parity errors under load.
Gives a lot of bull for somebody what ain't got no cattle.
Goalie for the dart team.
God might still use him for miracle practice.
God's favorite target for lightning strikes.
Goes with the flow... He's a bed wetter.
Good at quantum tunneling but not much else.
Got a life, but wasn't sure what to do with it.
Got his brains as a stocking stuffer.
Got into the gene pool while the lifeguard wasn't watching.
Guillotining him would make only an aesthetic difference.
Gyros are loose.
Habits explainable if he was raised by wolves.
Seeing God
A middle-aged woman had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table she had a near death experience.
Seeing God she asked, "Is my time up?"
God said, "No you have another 43 years, 2 months and 8 days to live."
Upon hearing this, the woman decided to stay in the hospital and have a face lift, liposuction ,and a tummy tuck. She even had someone change her hair color.
Since she had so much more time to live, she figured ,she might as well make the most of it.
She was released from the hospital but while crossing the street on her way home, she was killed by a car.
Arriving in front of God, she demanded, "I thought you said I had another 43 years? Why didn't you pull me out of the path of that car?"
God Replied,"I didn't recognize you."
