Popular jokes (9511 to 9525)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl stri...
Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.It's your turn...
St.Peter was checking the gate between Heaven and Hell and found a broken hinge. He walked over to the "Pit" and called to the Devil...The Devil says, "Yeah, whaddya want..?"
St. Peter: "The hinge is broken and it's your turn to fix it.." .
The Devil retorted: "Gee, I am a bit busy and don't have anyone available for that..",
St. Peter got angry, "Look, we have an agreement, and it's your turn to fix the gate..!" ,
The Devil responded, "Sorry Pete, it's our peak season and there just isn't anyone available..."
St. Peter turned red and exclaimed..."Ok, if that's the way you want it, we'll sue..!"
A big grin broke out on the Devil's face, "Oh yeah, and just where are you going to find a lawyer on your side ...?!"
A man placed some flowers on t
A man placed some flowers on the grave ofhis dearly departed mother and started backtoward his car when his attention wasdiverted to another man kneeling at a grave.The man seemed to be praying with profoundintensity and kept repeating, "Why did youhave to die? Why did you have to die?"
The first man approached him and said, "Sir,I don't wish to intrude on your privategrief, but this demonstration of pain is morethan I've ever seen before. For whom do youmourn so deeply? A child? A parent?"
The mourner took a moment to collect himself,then replied, "My wife's first husband."
On average, any American man w
On average, any American man will have sex two to three times a week, where as a Japanese man will have sex only one or two times a year.This is upsetting news to me, as I had no idea I was Japanese.
Bob Peters
A man was looking all over town to find a friend of his. He walked down the street and came to a barber shop. He stuck his head inside and asked, "Bob Peters here?"
The barber replied, "Nah, we just do shaves and haircuts."
Female astronauts
Why are there no female astronauts on the moon?Because it doesn't need cleaning yet.
Submitted by Calamjo
Edited by Tantilazing
Really funny jokes-So lazy
Harry was so lazy, if he dropped something he wouldn't pick it up again till his shoelaces needed tying.
Harry was so lazy he had his window box concreted over.
Harry works almost every day. He almost works on Monday, he almost works on Tuesday, he almost works on Wednesday.
Delivery....
In the back woods, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.
To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world.
"Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby.
"No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.
The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"
After a quarrel, a wife said t
After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when I married you."And the husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice it."
Greg Warren: Cheating at Chess
Everything in my parents house is broken. We play chess, and there are six pieces missing from our chess set. So, we replace them with pieces from my moms nativity scene. Were playing chess with the Virgin Mary and goats and wise men, and my Uncle Earl cheats. Its like: Uncle Earl, thats a pawn. Youre not supposed to move him backwards. Thats the son of God, boy! You move him wherever the hell he wants to go.Halloween jokes-Three vampires in a bar
What will you have?" the bartender asked.
"I'll have a glass of blood," the first replied.
"I'll have a glass of blood, too, please," said the second.
"I'll have a glass of plasma," said the third.
"OK, let me get this straight," the bartender said. "That'll be two bloods and a blood light?"
Looks are deceiving...
A woman sought the advice of a sex therapist, confiding that she found it increasingly difficult to find a man who could satisfy her, and that it was very wearisome getting in and out of all these short term relationships.
"Isn't there some way to judge the size of a man's equipment from the outside?" she asked earnestly.
"The only foolproof way, is by the size of his feet" counseled the therapist.
So the woman went downtown and proceeded to cruise the streets, until she came across a young fellow standing in an unemployment line with the biggest feet she had ever laid her eyes on. She took him out to dinner, wined and dined him, and then took him back to her apartment for an evening of abandon.
When the man woke up the next morning, the woman had already gone but, by the bedside table was a $20 bill and a note that read, "With my compliments, take this money and go out and buy a pair of shoes that fit you."
