Popular jokes (10291 to 10305)

I wanted to be an organ donor,

I wanted to be an organ donor, but the doctors never de-livered.

A Pastor goes to a nursing hom

A Pastor goes to a nursing home for the first time to visit an elderly parishioner.
As he is sitting there, he notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one.As they continue their conversation, he can't help himself and eats one after another.
By the time they are through visiting, the bowl is empty. He says, "Mrs. Jones, I'm so sorry,but I seem to have eaten all of your peanuts."
"That's O.K.," she says. "They would have just sat there anyway.
Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl.

If you get nostalgic about chi

If you get nostalgic about childhood camping trips you are just living in the past tents.

As a mother passed her daughte

As a mother passed her daughter's closed bedroom door,she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator. Shocked, she asked, "What in the world are you doing?"
The daughter replied, "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
The next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator. To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said, "Dad, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I'll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."
A couple days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the family room. She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.
The wife asked, "What the hell are you doing?"
The husband replied, "I'm watching the ball game with my son-in-law."

A woman took an inexperienced...

Joke removed because it was not in line with policies.

If College Students Wrote the Bible:

The Ten Commandments would actually be only five, double-spaced and written in a large font.Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.Reason Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

Once, Yogi Berra's wife Carme

Once, Yogi Berra's wife Carmen asked, "Yogi, you are from St. Louis, we live in New Jersey, and you played ball in New York. If you go before I do, where would you like me to have you buried?"
Yogi replied, "Surprise me."

Yo momma is so fat that when s...

Yo momma is so fat that when she applied to be a bus driver she found out she was qualified to be the bus.

Laid

What did the egg say to the boiling water?

"It might take me a while to get hard, I just got laid last night."

Submitted by Curtis

Edited by Calamjo

West Virginian Women

What do you call 32 West Virginian women in one room?
A full set of teeth.

A guy is sitting at home alone

A guy is sitting at home alone when he hears a knock on the front door. When he opens the door, he encounters two sheriff's deputies, one of whom asks if he is married and, if so, whether the deputy can see a picture of the wife.
The guy says "sure" and shows him a picture of his wife.
The deputy looks carefully at the picture and then gravely says, "I'm sorry sir, but it looks like your wife's been hit by a truck."
The guy says, "I know, but she has a great personality, is an excellent cook, and lets me play golf whenever I want to!"

Eels being friendly

“Groups of eels that value being friendly with one another are social morays.”

Spendthrifts

A father and his son were looking at a nativity scene in a London gallery. It was Titian's world-famous painting of the scene at Bethlehem.
The boy said, “Dad, why is the baby lying in such a crude cradle in a pile of straw?”
"Well, son,” explained the father, “they were poor, and they couldn't afford anything better.”
Said the boy, "Then how could they afford to have their picture painted by such an expensive artist?”

A woman is dancing happily dow

A woman is dancing happily down the railroad tracks, singing to herself "...21 ...21 ...21..." 
After a little while, an Antartian walks up to her. She observes for a minute and then asks, "What are you doing?" 
The woman does not answer and keeps singing "...21 ...21 ...21 ..." So the Antartian jumps on the tracks and follows her dancing and starts singing "...21 ...21 ...21 ..." A little later a train comes down the tracks. The woman jumps off, but the Antartian keeps dancing and singing to her self and gets hit by the train. 
The woman gets back on the track and starts dancing and singing again, "...22 ...22 ...22 ..."

Working At the Office

"How long have you been working at that office?"
"Ever since they threatened to fire me."