Popular jokes (10471 to 10485)

 Do You See The Dead Bird?

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. "Awww, look at the dead birdie," she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, "Where? Where?"

Sophomore course

How many Duke freshmen does it take to change a lightbulb?

None, because that's a sophomore course at Florida State and Virginia.

Submitted by Calamjo

Edited by Curtis

A man with a wooden eye was ve...

A man with a wooden eye was very sensitive about his eye for fear of people making fun of him. One day this man decides to go out and have some fun. So, he goes to a bar and orders a beer. Then, out of the corner of his eye he sees a woman with a flat face. He thinks,” Well, she wouldn't make fun of me because she would understand how I feel." So, he finally gathers up the courage to talk to her, he goes over and asks her, “Would you like to have dinner with me sometime?" And the woman answers, “Would I!!!" (Wood Eye) The man, obviously offended, screams, "flat face!!!" and storms out of the bar.

Do Not Walk Into Class

Billy walks into class late. His teacher says, “Billy, do not walk into class late again."
The next day Billy crawls into class late once again. His teacher says, “Billy, I thought I told you not to come into class late?"
Billy responds, "No, you told me I couldn't walk into class late."

Kristian Vallee: Getting Out of School

People think kids are the only ones that want to get out of class at 3 oclock every single day. No, no -- go see the teachers on a Friday at 3 oclock. Youll see teachers stiff-arming kids on the way out to the parking lot.

Hear ab

Hear about the businessman turned serial killer?

Practice Makes Perfect

Q: How do you know you cant trust doctors and lawyers?
A: Because they both practice their professions.

According to a study, According to a study, Julius had strokes, not epilepsy. So don't call him Caesar.

#joke #short

How many roundhouse kicks does...

How many roundhouse kicks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? Just one. From Chuck Norris.

Language

A mother mouse and a baby mouse were walking along, when all of a sudden, a cat attacked them. The mother mouse goes, "BARK!" and the cat runs away.

"See?" says the mother mouse to her baby. "Now do you see why it's important to learn a foreign language?"

 Ponderings Collection 22

What would a chair look like if your knees bent the other way.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to see it do the other trees make fun of it?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
When two airplanes almost collide why do they call it a near miss?? It sounds like a near hit to me!!
Who's bigger? Mr. Bigger or Mr. Bigger's baby! Mr. Bigger's baby because he is a little bigger!
Do fish get cramps after eating?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Why are there 5 sylables in the word "monosylabic"?
If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Why do they call it the Department of Interior when they are in charge of everything outdoors?

My New Brother-In-Law

A lady married her husband's brother after she became a widow.
A few days passed, a friend came to her house. Upon seeing the picture of her ex husband on the wall, the friend asked, "Who is that?"
The lady replied, "Oh well, that's my brother-in-law."

I tried to convince my cow to

I tried to convince my cow to wear shoes. She said, “Sorry, I am not yet suede.”

Roast Beef and Pea Soup

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef.

Do Pat and Rhain ever hang out

Do Pat and Rhain ever hang out in Starbucks?