Popular jokes (11026 to 11040)

Numbers Equal Zero

Theorem : All numbers are equal to zero.
Proof: Suppose that a=b. Then
a = b
a^2 = ab
a^2 - b^2 = ab - b^2
(a + b)(a - b) = b(a - b)
a + b = b
a = 0
Furthermore if a + b = b, and a = b, then b + b = b, and 2b = b, which mean that 2 = 1.

Rob Riggle: Now That Obama Is President

Now that he is our president, I think its time we as a nation just took a deep breath and collectively just said out loud, O.J. killed those people. It feels good.

“The geneticist taugh...

“The geneticist taught his students how to mendel defective genes.”

Baseball players, aka ...

Baseball players, aka lumber jocks.

King Neptune never learned to ...

King Neptune never learned to ride a pike.

Wedding Dress

A little girl at a wedding asked, "Mommy, why do brides always wear white?"

"Because they're happy," the mom replied.

Halfway through the wedding, the girl whispered, "Mommy, if brides wear white because they're happy, then why do grooms wear black?"

Stick To The Plan

I was observing two men that were working for the public works department. One would dig a hole and the other would follow behind him and fill the hole in.
After a while I had to ask, "Why do you dig a hole, only to have your partner follow behind and fill it up again?"
The hole digger wiped his brow and sighed, "Well, I suppose it probably looks odd because we're normally a three-person team. But today the lad who plants the trees called in sick."

A couple was celebrating their...

A couple was celebrating their golden wedding anniversary. Their domestic tranquility had long been the talk of the town. A local newspaper reporter was inquiring as to the secret of their long and happy marriage.

"Well, it dates back to our honeymoon," explained the husband. "We visited the Grand Canyon and took a trip down to the bottom of the canyon by pack mule.

"We hadn't gone too far when my wife's mule stumbled.

My wife quietly said 'That's once.'

We proceeded a little farther when the mule stumbled again. Once more my wife quietly said, 'That's twice.'

We hadn't gone a half-mile when the mule stumbled a third time. My wife, a redhead, promptly removed a revolver from her purse and shot the mule.

I started to protest over her treatment of the mule when she looked at me and quietly said, 'That's once'."

THE DRUNK

There was a man who would come home blind drunk every night and vomit in the bathroom sink, and every night the man's wife would warn him that someday he would puke up his guts.

One day the wife cut up a chicken and left the guts in the sink, just to give him a scare. At about 3:00 a.m. the man came home and spewed in the same sink as always. About 30 minutes later, the man came out of the bathroom and said to his wife,''You were right honey, I really did puke up my guts, but don't worry, with the help of this long wooden spoon, I managed to put them all back."

Learning with Tequila

Tequila is an excellent teacher...
Just last night it taught me to count...
One Tequila, Two Tequila, Three Tequila, Floor!

I come from a village of mapma

I come from a village of mapmakers. When I left home my parents said ‘Son, never forget your routes.'

Visiting the modern art museum...

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This," she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, madam," replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

If men and women use a bathroo

If men and women use a bathroom, do hermaphrodites use a bothroom?

After a Beer Festival in Londo

After a Beer Festival in London, all the brewery presidents decided togo out for a beer.
Corona's president sits down and says, "Señor, I would like theworld's best beer, a Corona." The bartender takes a bottle from theshelf and gives it to him.
Then Budweiser's president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world,give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives himone.
Coors' president says, "I'd like the best beer in the world, the onlyone made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He getsit.
The guy from Guinness sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The otherbrewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinkinga Guinness?"
The Guinness president replies, "Well, if you guysaren't drinking beer, neither will I."

A boy walks in on his mom and

A boy walks in on his mom and dad having sex. He asks, "What are you doing?" The dad replies, "Making you a brother or sister!" The boy says, "Well, do her doggy style I want a puppy."