Popular jokes (11176 to 11190)

 Knock Knock Collection 029

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Burton!
Burton who?
Burton in the hand is worth two in the bush!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Bush!
Bush who?
Bush your money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butch!
Butch who?
Butch your arms around me!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butcher!
Butcher who?
Butcher money where your mouth is!
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butter!
Butter who?
Butter bring an umbrella, it looks like it might rain!

A Texan was taking a taxi tour

A Texan was taking a taxi tour of London and was in a hurry. As they went by the Tower of London the cab driver explained what it was and that construction of it started in 1346 and was completed in 1412.
The Texan replied, "Shoot, a little old tower like that? In Houston we'd have that thing up in two weeks!"
Next they passed the House of Parliament - started in 1544 and completed in 1618.
"Well boy, we put up a bigger one than that in Dallas and it only took a year!"
As they passed Westminster Abbey the cab driver was silent.
"Whoah! What's that over there?" asked the Texan.
The driver replied, "I don't know, it wasn't there yesterday."

Love and Herpes?

Q: Whats the difference between love and herpes?
A: Herpes lasts forever.

A Recently Spotted Bumper Sticker:

"God said it, I believe it, that settles it!"

Cloak & Dagger

A soldier at the Pentagon got out of the shower, and realized that his clothes were missing. While searching around for them, he accidentally locked himself out of the locker room, and he found himself completely naked in the halls of the world''s most powerful military organization HQ. But, luckily, no one was around to see him.
So, he ran as fast as he could to the elevator. When it arrived, it was empty. He breathed a sigh of relief and got in. When the doors opened on his floor, there was no one waiting outside. "This must be my lucky day," he said to himself. He was now only a few yards from his office.
Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming from around the corner. He heard the General''s voice. There was no way he'd make it to his door in time, so he ducked into the closest office available, and found himself in the laboratory for Research & Development. The Head Scientist looked up from one of her experiments with puzzled interest.
The soldier thought quickly, stood up straight and saluted.
"I am here to report the partial success of the Personal Invisibility Device," he said.
"I see," the Head Scientist said. "But the Shrink Ray seems to be working perfectly."

Who was the first species to m

Who was the first species to make dick jokes? Homo say penis was, in genital.

Sunday prayer...

Have you heard about 4-year-old Sammy who was asked to return thanks before Sunday dinner? The family members bowed their heads in expectation, and he began his prayer:

"Thank you God for all my friends: Joey, an' Susan, an' Billy, an' Tommy," and on and on he went, naming each friend one by one.

Next he thanked God for Mommy, Daddy, brother, sister, Grandma, Grandpa, and all his aunts and uncles.

Finally he got to the food.

"Thank you God for the turkey, an' the dressing, an' the fruit salad, an' the pies, an' the Cool Whip..."

And then he paused.

The pause was almost deafening, and all eyes were focused on young Sammy with his head still bowed in prayer.

Finally (almost when Father was about to interject an "Amen"), Sammy looked up at his mother and asked, "If I thank God for the broccoli, won't he know that I'm lying?"

In school, Chuck Norris put "v...

In school, Chuck Norris put "violence" down for every answer on math tests and always got 100% because he solves all problems with violence.

Moron

Q: Why did the moron throw the butter out the window?

A: He wanted to see a butterfly.

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in A

Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Australia?
A: God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.

“A few boxers were st

“A few boxers were standing in a line. That's the punch line!”

A couple were having a picnic ...

A couple were having a picnic in a jungle. Suddenly a crocodile appears and attacks the husband. He cries, "Shoot it, quick!" "I can't!" says his wife. "I'm out of film!"

A man returned from vacation f...

A man returned from vacation feeling very ill. He went to see his doctor, and the doctor has him immediately rushed to the hospital for a range of tests. The man woke up after the tests in a private room at the hospital, and the phone by his bedside was ringing. "This is your doctor," said the voice on the other end. "We've reviewed the results of your tests and we've found you have a very nasty virus, which is extremely contagious."

"Oh my gosh! What are you going to do, doctor?"

"We're going to put you on a diet of pizza, pancakes and pita bread."

"Will that cure me?"

"No, but it's the only food we can slide under the door."

Someone stole my Swedish car:

Someone stole my Swedish car: it's a real Saab story. I don't mean to get emotional; I guess I'm too inVolvo'ed. Heck I've even considered going scuba diving, to see if it's buried underwater – but I'm afraid of getting the Benz. I know, it's my own fault; I really should be driving a Mazda Me-oughta, especially after the hos had blown on my loaner, a Poontiac. GM cars really make me Buick. (As for British imports – get Bentley!)

“I've heard that the

“I've heard that the airplane industry is really taking off and reaching new heights.”