Popular jokes (121 to 135)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Driving Me Out of my Mind
Mindy: "I finally fixed that annoying noise in my car."
Missy: "Really? How did you do it?'
Mindy: "I opened the door and pushed him out."
A priest, a doctor, and an eng...
A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!"
The priest said, "Here comes the green-keeper. Let's have a word with him."
He said, "Hello George, what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The green-keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind firemen. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group fell silent for a moment.
The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Beer contains and female hormones
Recently scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men twelve bottles of beer each. The scientists observed that 100% of the male test group gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive.
No further testing is planned.
Parrot Talk
An English professor complained to the pet shop proprietor, "The parrot I purchased uses improper language."
"I'm surprised," said the owner. "I've never taught that bird to swear."
"Oh, it isn't that," explained the professor. "But yesterday I heard him split an infinitive."
World Creativity and Innovation Day Jokes
April 21st is World Creativity and Innovation Day! Find some jokes about it!
Why did the scientist install a knocker on his laboratory door?
Because he wanted to win the "No-bell" prize!
What do you call an innovation in scissors?
Cutting-edge technology
When the first jackhammer was invented... ...it was a groundbreaking innovation!
My Hearing
After completing his annual physical on a patient, the doctor asked if there was anything that was bothering him. Joe replied, "Yeah, my hearing."
The doctor examined Joe's ear and removed some ear wax. He then asked Joe if his hearing was better.
Joe said, "I don't know, the hearing isn't till next Tuesday."
18 Lion Jokes, to Celebrate World Lion Day
Roaring with Laughter: 18 Lion Jokes to Celebrate World Lion Day on August 10th and Raise Awareness for Their Conservation
My grandfather has the heart of a lion,And also a lifetime ban at the zoo.
What's the difference between a lion and a tiger?
A lion won't golf.
But a Tiger wood.
What did Spartacus say when the lion ate his wife?
Nothing, he was gladiator.
Why don’t lions like fast food?
Because they can’t catch it!
How does a lion stop a video?
He presses paws.
How does a lion greet the antelope it meets on the savannah?
“Pleased to eat you!”
Why did the lion eat the tightrope walker?
He wanted a well-balanced meal!
What happened to the lion who ate the comedian?
He felt funny!
Why don’t lions play cards in the wild?
Because of all the cheetahs!
What do you call a slow and clumsy lion?
A snailion.
What do you call a lion powered by a battery?
A Li-on.
What does a lion call his barber?
His mane man.
What do you call a lion that has eaten your mother’s sister?
An aunt-eater!
What do you call a lion at the North Pole?
Lost.
What does the lion say to his family before they eat a meal?
“Let us prey.
” Why was the lion always invited to the party?
Because he was a real mane attraction! What do you call a lion that doesn't lie?
A not-lion.
What do Christian lions say before they go hunting?
Pray for your supper.
What do you get when you cross a lion with a snowman?
A cold snap.
What lion will never roar?
A dandelion...
The Forgotten Name
Two old friends met by chance on the street.
After chatting for some time one said to the other, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've forgotten your name. You'll need to tell me".
The other stared at him thoughtfully for a long time, then replied, "How soon do you need to know?"
I've Got One of Them
A rookie was calling up his station on his pocket radio.
“I’m outside the Plaza Mall,” he reported. “A man has been robbed. I’ve got one of them.”
“Which one?” asked the operator.
“The one that was robbed.”
A man walks into a bar and says - 4 drinks please
The Bartender asks "Rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my brother is gay", the Bartender says "Well everyone has their own path".The next day the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my oldest son is gay", the Bartender says "Well that's his choice".
On the third day, the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender says "My god, another rough day?", the man replies "Yeah, I just found out that my youngest son is gay", the Bartender says "It's totally up to him who he's attracted to".
The fourth day comes around, and the man walks into the bar again and says "4 drinks please", the Bartender asks "Doesn't anyone in your family like Women?", the man replies
"Yeah, my Wife does."
Golf on Christmas...
Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round.
His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early on Christmas morning."
Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the links. The first guy says, "Boy, this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it."
Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures."
Number 3 guy says " Well, my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual."
They all turn to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I patted my wife on the butt and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, 'Take your sweater, looks like it might be windy out there'."
Caught Stealing Groceries
I saw a man stealing groceries the other day while on the shoulders of a couple of vampires.
He got charged with shoplifting on two counts.
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is...
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet. His Mother Thinks He Has Been In There Too Long, So She Goes In To See What's Up. The Little Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet Reading A Book. But About Every 10 Seconds Or So He Puts The Book Down, Grips Onto To The Toilet Seat With His Left Hand And Hits Himself On Top Of The Head With His Right Hand.His Mother Says: "billy, Are You All Right?you've Been In Here For A While...
Billy Says: "i'm Fine, Mommy.. I Just Haven't Gone 'doody' Yet."
Mother Says: "ok, You Can Stay Here A Few More Minutes.but, Billy, Why Are You Hitting Yourself On The Head?"
Billy Says: "works For Ketchup."
