Popular jokes (106 to 120)Jokes sorted by popularity on social networks. Popularity is sum of all all comments, likes, pluses, tweets, etc. is new measure, independant from rating with our star rating system. |
Balloon Prank Fake Out
April Fool's Day is coming up, so you need to be prepared with an arsenal of hilarious pranks that you can play on friends, family members and bitter enemies.Did you know about P. Diddy
Did you know about P. Diddy's record? He spent a few years in J-Lo. Then he left, because he didn't want to be friends with Bennifers. The Difference Between Outlaws and In-laws
Q: What's the difference between Outlaws and In-laws?
A: Outlaws are wanted.
Almost at the end of the week? Check out these jokes to help you survive!
I took the batteries out of my carbon monoxide detector today…
The loud beeping was giving me a headache and making me feel sick and dizzy!
What's the difference between a well-dressed man on a bike and a poorly dressed man on a unicycle?
Attire.
Me: What's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
Me: Okay, I'll have a coke.
Barman: Is Pepsi okay?
Me: Sure. How much is that?
Barman: £3.
Me: There you go.
So what's the wifi password?
Barman: You need to buy a drink first.
No spaces, all lowercase! Three men are on a boat They have four cigarettes but nothing to light them with.
So?
So they throw one cigarette overboard and the boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
Got myself a takeaway coffee today.
I asked if I could pay by card.
The waitress said, "Yes of course.
What have you got?"
I said, "The four of clubs!"
Did you hear about the plan to prohibit the use of Roman numerals?
I for one, think it's a terrible idea.
My wife told me she couldn't stay married to a cross dresser.
So I packed her things and left.
Husband takes his wife to a disco, theres a man on the dance floor, moonwalking, break dancing, head spins, the works. Wife turns to her husband & sighs "You see that man?
25 years ago he asked me to marry him & I said no!" Husband says "It looks like he’s still out celebrating!"
Typical HR
"I proposed to my girl friend last night, who just got promoted to a HR position earlier in the day."
"That is cool! What did she say?"
She said, "We will get back to you soon."
Elderly Honeymooners
Did you hear about the ninety-two-year old man who married a woman of eighty-four?
They spent their entire honeymoon getting out of the car.
A husband and wife were in the...
A husband and wife were in the bathroom getting ready for work when the husband looked at his wife and said, "I gotta have you!" He backed her up against the bathroom door, pulled down her panties and ravaged her. He knew he was doing great because she screamed and wiggled more than she ever had before.
When he finished, he started putting his clothes back on and when he noticed his wife still writhing against the door he said, "That was the best, honey. You've never moved like that before, you didn't hurt yourself did you?"
His wife replies, "No, no. I'll be OK once I can get the doorknob out of my ass."
One Minute Birthday
Did you hear about the old man whose birthday one year lasted only one minute?
It was his sixty-second birthday.
7 Funny short jokes to wake you up
We just watched the Tetris movie.
It's a blockbuster
My family is getting sick of me telling dad jokes 24/7.
Or should I say “they are sick of me telling dad jokes 3.428571428571429”?
When I was younger I had a job pretending to be a statue.
I held that position for some time.
The new thought-activated car they're working on is going to be even more popular than the voice-activated one.
It goes without saying.
My wife is one of the clumsiest people I know.
I'm so glad she fell for me
I have two questions about this Taylor Swift lady:
What kind of clothes does she make? And how fast does she make them, really?
I can’t think of a time when I lost my toupee while riding a motorcycle.
At least not right off the top of my head.
What do you call a 400 pound alcoholic?
A heavy drinker.
10 Fresh Jokes for a Midweek Laugh
I was once served French pancakes in a haunted house…
They gave me the crepes!
Dentist: "That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen. That's the biggest cavity I've ever seen."
Patient: "I heard you the first time. You didn't have to say it twice."
Dentist: "I didn't. That was my echo."
I got fired from Pepsi after working there for 20 years.
I tested positive for coke.
Dung beetle walks into a bar....
"Is this stool taken?"
What do you call a man with a toe on his knee?
Tony.
It's ironic how funeral directors have raised the price of funerals.
And blamed it on cost of living.
Save money when buying a coffin…
Buy a pen from Amazon and use the box it came in!
I wonder what Jeff Bezos does before he goes to bed.
Probably puts his pyjamazon.
I paid $500 for a belt.
It was a huge waist.
My girlfriend has always said that I'm not a romantic.
So I surprised her and proposed to her in a castle.
You would think she would have been happy
but for the look on her face as we were bouncing around........
21 Bastille Day jokes
Bastille Day is the national day of France, which is celebrated on 14 July each year. Have fun with some revolutionary jokes!
What is the most important part of jokes about the French Revolution?
The execution.
Do you know that the French Revolution was kind of a pain in the neck?
But once it was over it was a weight off of some people’s shoulders.
What did the Aristocrat say when he heard the French Revolution happening in the streets?
"Oh! What a peasant surprise!"
Did you hear the one about Bastille Day?
It’s a riot.
Why is the French Revolution just like Prohibition?
They both got rid of Bourbon!
Why did King Louis despise the peasants?
He found them revolting.
What’s your funniest pickup line for Bastille Day?
"Hey girl, are you the French Revolution?
Because I keep imagining you sans-culottes!"
Have you ever seen the play about the French Revolution?
The scene with Marie Antoinette was perfectly executed.
Do you know that anyone can use our Bastille Day jokes?
It’s royalty free.
How do Americans celebrate Bastille Day?
By storming their wine cellar.
A kid was talking to his dad about Bastille Day. He said, "Isn’t that the day when everyone robs all the fish from the water?
" "Bass-steal day".
What do they call Independence Day in France?
A Royale-free with cheese!
Why is the rooster France’s national emblem?
It’s the only bird that still sings when it’s standing on a shit pile.
Have you heard about Bastille Day?
Its the last time the French showed any balls.
Why do French bakers always bake extra bread on Bastille Day?
Because they know everyone’s going to "storm" their bakery!/p>
What was the primary role of the aristocrats during the French Revolution?
They put their head into it.
Why don’t they play cards in France on Bastille Day?
Because everyone’s afraid of the "revolutionary" hand!
During the French Revolution, what was the executioner’s catchphrase?
"First come, first severed!"
Why are fireworks set off on Bastille Day?
It’s the only way to make a louder bang than the one made when they stormed the Bastille!
What is the difference between Bastille Day and the 4th Of July?
Bastille Day is just like the Fourth of July except it takes place in France and Americans don’t care about it!
A French nobleman’s estate was destroyed during the French Revolution.
The results were château-strophic.
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is...
A Little Three Year Old Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet. His Mother Thinks He Has Been In There Too Long, So She Goes In To See What's Up. The Little Boy Is Sitting On The Toilet Reading A Book. But About Every 10 Seconds Or So He Puts The Book Down, Grips Onto To The Toilet Seat With His Left Hand And Hits Himself On Top Of The Head With His Right Hand.His Mother Says: "billy, Are You All Right?you've Been In Here For A While...
Billy Says: "i'm Fine, Mommy.. I Just Haven't Gone 'doody' Yet."
Mother Says: "ok, You Can Stay Here A Few More Minutes.but, Billy, Why Are You Hitting Yourself On The Head?"
Billy Says: "works For Ketchup."
Four legs
A wife comes home late one night and quietly opens the door to her bedroom.
From under the blanket, she sees four legs instead of just her husband's two.
She reaches for a baseball bat and starts hitting the blanket as hard as she can.
Once she's done, she goes to the kitchen to have a drink.
As she enters, she sees her husband there, reading a magazine.
He says, "Hi darling, your parents have come to visit us, so I let them stay in our bedroom. Did you say hello?"
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems...
Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his teacher picked him to answer a question, "Johnny, if there were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, how many would be left?" "None," replied Johnny, "cause the rest would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher, "but I like the way you're thinking." Little Johnny says, "I have a question for you. If there were three women eating ice cream cones in a shop, one was licking her cone, the second was biting her cone and the third was sucking her cone, which one is married?"
"Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking the cone." "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding ring on her finger, but I like the way you're thinking."
