Animal jokes (5731 to 5745)Jokes about animals. These are the jokes listed 5731 to 5745. |
A Zoo Story
A guy found a sheep and showed him to a policeman.The policeman said, "Take that sheep to the zoo, now."
Next day the policeman sees the man with the sheep again.
The policeman stops the guy and says, "What on earth are you doing with that sheep?"
The guy says, "What is there to do? Yesterday I took him to the zoo and now I''m taking him to the movies."
Redneck quickies 1
You might be a redneck if...More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.
You think the stock market has a fence around it.
You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.
You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.
Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.
Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.
You've ever used lard in bed.
Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.
You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.
You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame
More Corny Pick-up Lines...
More Corny Pick-up Lines
So... How am I doing?
I have had a really bad day and it always makes me feel better to see a pretty girl smile. Would you smile for me?
I looked up beautiful in the thesaurus today, and your name was there.
I may not be Fred Flintstone, but I bet I can make your Bed Rock.
Can I buy you a drink, or do you just want the money?
Do you like short love affairs? I hate them. I've got all weekend.
I'm a bird watcher and I'm looking for a Big Breasted Bed Thrasher, have you seen one?
I'm like American Express; you don't want to leave home without me.
I'm new in town, could I have directions to your house?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
If I told you that you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me?
Excuse me, Ms, is that dress felt? Would you like it to be?
If you cut your arms off, you'd look just like Venus de Milo.
If you were a new hamburger at McDonald's, you would be McGorgeous.
Inheriting eighty million bucks doesn't mean much when you have a weak heart.
Is it hot in here or is it just you?
Is your dad a thief? Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes?
Let's go to my place and do the things I'll tell everyone we did anyway.
Hi, my name is
Nice dress, can I talk you out of it?
Oh, I'm sorry, I thought that was a Braille name tag.
Pardon me, but what pickup line works best with you?
Pull my finger.
The fact that I'm missing my teeth just means that there's more room for your tongue.
The first time is always the hardest.
Was your dad a farmer? Cause you sure have great melons.
Would you like Gin and platonic, or do you prefer Scotch and sofa?
You know what would look good on you? Me.
Corny Pick-up Lines
...Corny Pick-up Lines
If you're going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
All those curves, and me with no brakes.
Are your legs tired? You've been running through my mind all day long.
Can I borrow 50 cents? I want to call my mum and tell I just met the girl of my dreams.
Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by again?
A woman asks, "Excuse me, do you have the time?" Man answers, "Yes, do you have the energy?"
Can I have directions to your heart?
Can I have your phone number? I seem to have lost mine.
Do you want to see something really swell?
Your hair is perfectly pH balanced.
Do you have 50 cents? My mother told me to call home when I met the girl of my dreams.
Do you have a mirror in your pocket? (Why?) 'Cause I could see myself in your pants.
I'll cook you dinner if you cook me breakfast.
Do you sleep on your stomach? Can I?
At the office copy machine "Reproducing eh?" "Can I help?"
Ask: "Do you know what winks and makes love like a tiger?" (No?) Wink.
If I gave you a sexy negligee, would there be anything in it for me?
Are you free tonight, or will it cost me?
I think I could fall madly in bed with you.
Here's fifty cents .... call your housemate and tell her you won't be coming home tonight.
Hey baby, let's go back to my place and get something straight between us.
I hope you know CPR, cuz you take my breath away!
How about you sit on my lap and we'll see what pops up?
Do you wash your panties with Windex? Because I can really see myself in them.
You look like a girl that has heard every line in the book, so what's one more going to hurt?
You might not be the best looking girl here, but beauty is only a light switch away.
You must be from Pearl Harbor, cause baby you're the bomb.
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy.
A manager brings a dog ...
A manager brings a dog into a nightclub to work.The dog is a brilliant piano player. He plays all the
standards. He's sitting there, pounding out the tunes,
when all of a sudden, a big dog comes in and drags him
out. The nightclub owner asks, “What happened?”
The manager says,
“That's his mother. She wants him to be a doctor.”
A man goes to the doctor feeli...
A man goes to the doctor feeling unwell. The doctor examines him and says: "You're suffering from Alice.""I don't know," says the doctor, "But Christopher Robin went down with it"
Mrs C Smith, Penicuik
Did you hear about the man who bought a dog with no legs?
He called it cigarette. He used to take it out for a drag.
Neil Sutton, Corstorphine
Once upon a time there were two muffins in the microwave. Suddenly, one of the muffins said: "Man it's hot in here."
The other muffin exclaimed: "Look, a talking muffin!"
Tony White, Loanhead
Why does a room full of married people looks so empty?
There's not a single person in it . . .
Mark Allan, Niddrie
What do you call a boom-a-rang, that doesn't come back?
A Stick.
Eric Stevenson, Leith
If you have a joke you would like to share with us e-mail: letters_en@edinburghnews .com
